Short piece

[Zakyath]

I haven't written anything in months. Except for just now that is. I appreciate any critisism, even though I know I have not been too generous with it myself for a while. Anyway.



Why do I have to keep both my hands on the wheel?
I’m drifting through gridlock with ease as it is.
I hear the people holler, cursing at one another,
This place is devoid of bliss.

 

[Ninva]

Is this a descriptive poem about a traffic jam?

 

[Zakyath]

Not really, but it feels as if I'm really running out of metaphors...

 

[Ninva]

What do you mean by that?

 

[KaerfNomekop]

Your life is easy. You're flying past people in terms of success. Yet you still feel dissatisfied.

Reading a bit into it gives such an impression.

 

[Zakyath]

What do you mean by that?

what I meant is that I'm running out of allegories and metaphors, so I wanted to try something relatively fresh to portray a certain emotion; I wasn't sure whether I succeded or failed.

Your life is easy. You're flying past people in terms of success. Yet you still feel dissatisfied.

Reading a bit into it gives such an impression.

Your almost right on. It's about having it easy all your life, yes, but it's not that the narrator feels as if s/he is doing better than everyone else. I wanted to portray the feeling of having no motivation to do your best in a bleak and sad world.



btw, my friend told me I am using the world gridlock wrong. Am I?

 

[Ninva]

In gridlock, you can't "drift through." I thought you were using poetic license with that phrase.

 

[Zakyath]

yeah, but my friend thought I had to write "a/the gridlock"

my english is getting rusty, I need to start reading more...

 

[Ninva]

That isn't necessarily so. Placing the article there depends on if there are more than one gridlocks, as a quantitative thing. I can see how it works rhetorically in your poesy, but I can't seeing it adding or taking away from the poem overall.