WIP Fatmankev's Build-A-Story Project

Discussion in 'The Writer's Corner' started by Fatmankev, Mar 12, 2012.

  1. Fatmankev

    Fatmankev Chef, Writer, and Midnight Toker

    Alright, so let me start by saying that if there's one thing I've learned about the Writer's Corner over the past few years, it's that people don't like to read long stories but they want everyone else to read their stories. For me, it's been a problem; I thrive off of the positive criticism of others like a leech, sputtering out into another piece of forsaken prose whenever I can't get enough feedback. I imagine this is a problem that is not solely relative to myself, so I figured I'd try a little something to get a bit of life back into the Writer's Corner. So, without further adieu, I introduce...

    Build-A-Story Project!

    The idea of this 'game' (I'll call it) is simply to create a story on this thread that flows smoothly and is worth reading. The only catch? You're not writing it by yourself.

    Anyone can take turns adding in a passage to the story, twisting it in any way they see fit, whether it follows ideas in previous passages or begins to go off on a new tangent that you create. You can add characters, scenes, governments and organizations, fantastic items or animals that don't actually exist, dialogue or whatever else you can think of! This is so that we can all enjoy writing, as we all do, and enjoy it together. You be the judge of what goes down and what doesn't. There are only a couple of rules to follow:

    1. No double-posting, and only 1-2* paragraphs at a time. This is something we're supposed to be working on together; if you get a good idea off of what others have written and wish to weave the tale further, start writing it on your own, not in the thread.

    2. Try to avoid killing characters other people have created. It's no fun to create someone in one paragraph and before you have a chance to do anything with them, someone else kills them off. Only allowed if you check with the creator first.

    3. Try to stay on track. I don't want the people to be in the middle of a battle one paragraph and then be taking their wife to a 3rd-trimester abortion clinic in the next scene or something. The point of this is to not only be fun but readable as well, and something we can all enjoy together.

    *(You can write a little extra if you need to connect two ideas together that can't be done properly otherwise, just try not to overdo it.)

    Aside from that, just have at it, people. I hope it sounds interesting, 'cuz I really think we could all have a lot of fun with it. For this one, I'm going to start it off and I'm gonna be goin' by the fantasy genre, since it's my personal favorite. However, if this turns out alright then I'd happily start another one going by a genre specified by others around the WC. So... let's do this people. Please have fun! ;)

    Oh, and +rep to everyone that participates whenever I possibly can (you know I can only hand out so much).
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  2. Fatmankev

    Fatmankev Chef, Writer, and Midnight Toker

    The waves crashed and battered against the rotting posts of the pier, the boards creaking angrily as if about to give way underfoot. Storm clouds loomed high overhead and stretched far off into the vastness of the open sky, tongues of flickering lightning forking down to strike at the roiling sea. The gulls cried out in warning, bobbing and weaving into the wind in an effort to find someplace safe to ride out the storm. Far behind him, the sounds of the townsfolk echoed after him, the rattle and din of doors and shutters flying closed, of stalls being broken down and covered up, of people rushing back-and-forth hopelessly in a fervor, unsure of what else they must do before the storm made land. Luca grinned in spite of all of this; the rain and wind, the thunder and lightning, the crashing waves and burnt-salt smell: they all made him feel more alive than he ever did elsewhere. He loved it. But the ship he stood waiting for, on the other hand, surely didn't harbor the same notions.
  3. Ninva

    Ninva Анна Ахматова

    The ship was about a few hundred yards out still; the mast stood erect -- steady with the horizon as the waves rocked the vessel to and fro. A flash of a thunderbolt lit up the sky before making a horrendous roar; instantaneously, the boat was illuminated. However curiously, not a soul seemed to be on board. Luca lightly chomped on his inner cheek as he winced. He fixed his eyes on the dampened deck of the ship, the rain slipping off the sides in gushes. No dark figures moved about to save themselves from the storm. Another flash: again, he saw no one. A few more yards, another flash, still no one was there. More yards yet, still no one. About a hundred yards in, there was a long, violent flash as if the gods had opened up the sky and shown heaven to mortal eyes -- while the rains came crashing down upon the sodded beach. There in the wake of the flash, Luca's eyes adjusted, and he saw it: corpses of his country's soldiers coming back home, on board, no man alive -- but there stood a young Norse woman. She was clutching to her breast, securing an artifact as the vessel approached the beach and crashed -- revealing fully all the battle wounds it had endured in the sea.
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  4. Fatmankev

    Fatmankev Chef, Writer, and Midnight Toker

    The ship let out a terrible groan as it lurched against the shore, the sounds of snapping planks and twisting metal muddled by the relentless crashing of the waves. Luca sprinted full-tilt down the pier, the loud slaps of his footfalls echoing in his ears, the image of his brethren's corpses littering the deck of the ship burnt vivid across his view. As he approached the wreckage finally come to rest along the beach, he could do nothing but to endure the growing panic gnawing at his chest. The stern loomed up high overhead, easily three times his height despite being halfway buried in the sand; still, he needed to get up there, needed to be sure that his eyes hadn't been deceiving him, needed to find out just who that girl was. He started climbing, wedging his fingertips painfully between the planks, slowly prising himself upward bit by bit. His boots could hardly find any footing and his fingers stung with the effort, but eventually he reached a bit of rigging and was able to hoist himself up and over the side of the ship; the stench of blood and black powder instantly greeted him, and after only just a glance at his surroundings it was all he could do not to vomit.

    Thanks for posting, Ninva. I'll +rep when able.
  5. Ninva

    Ninva Анна Ахматова

    ((I really want to add more, but I'm bogged down with homework every day. I will give another paragraph time when I can come back to it. You can expect an entry later this week, perhaps the weekend.))
  6. esb

    esb Because none of us are as cruel as all of us.

    Determined to discover more about the mysterious woman, he attempted to proceed without vomiting. The stench was not the only bad part, Luca thought, it was the way the corpse' lay. Faces petrified. Harpoons impaled into the bodies, mostly broken. Some bodies cut into limbs or halves. Something horrible occurred, something that this mighty man feared. He looked up and saw what appeared to be a crewman's attempt to hang himself, and hung himself he did with a noose, however his bottom torso was missing. As he slowly ventured, something grabbed his leg, "I begged for the Gods to strike me with thunder," began to say the top half of a man, "but alas, Gods are not merciful." With that Luca shook off the dead man's last grip, and last words.

    This is fun =D
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  7. Syndrome

    Syndrome RealEyes/Realize/RealLies

    Luca silently stared at the outstretched hand he had so briskly brushed off and felt a great weight settle against him. Though he was a Knight of Azreal hardened by years of war and brutality, everything about this ship sent his honed instincts screaming at him to get as far away as possible from this unholy place. Yet amidst the scene of blood and carnage was a single spot where reality made sense; the eye of a storm - the woman. In three great determined strides through the strewn gore, Luca was beside her. He gently knelt down beside her and brushed a few stray golden locks away from her fair face with a clawed hand, her eyes pressed tightly shut from exhaustion. Luca gently pried the artifact loose from her hands, her knuckles had long since gone white from grasping it so tightly and for so long. What had happened here? Was it the rebels? Pirates? 'No.' Luca thought grimly, taking in the scene around him with a grimace. 'No mere man can rip another in half.'
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  8. esb

    esb Because none of us are as cruel as all of us.

    Luca silently looked at the gorgeous blonde in front of him. In the middle of the storm, the putrefying death, the horrors they were surrounded by- she was the most beautiful person he'd ever seen; He had seen many, for Luca's years of travel were great in numbers. In silence they seemed to communicate, albeit it was one sided communication. With a gentle stare Luca asked what happened, what created such a disaster. The calm beauty gently returned his gaze with jade eyes, lips seemingly as soft as the heavens, and hair more luxurious than gold. Then he realized she was about to tell him the horrors that brought all the men to their gruesome death. No. To show him. Luca's instincts couldn't resist any longer and he drew a few steps back, clutching the artifact with one hand and drawing his sword with the other. He had never seen such beauty in a woman turn into something so... malevolent.
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  9. Fatmankev

    Fatmankev Chef, Writer, and Midnight Toker

    The woman lurched hauntingly to her feet, her radiant beauty seeming to melt away into something much more gruesome, more terrible. No, not seeming to. Luca licked his lips as the knot in his gut twisted a little harder. She is melting. Her skin twisted and roiled as if being boiled from underneath as she eschewed an ear-splitting wail that filled the wreaking air, gusts of wind blasting out in all directions from her. Flakes of skin and flesh blackened and cracked before being whisked away on the gusts as the wail deepened to an abysmal, chest-tightening tone. Luca gritted his teeth together as he made sure of the grip on his sword, and took a determined step towards the woman, or demon or whatever she was. It didn't matter. She needed to be stopped.
    The air in front of him seemed to shift and stir, and he gasped as something caught him hard in the gut, dropping him to his knees and sending his blade clattering from his grasp. He struggled to draw a breath, coughing and sputtering first before finally drawing a loud, ragged breath. He glanced up as he fumbled for his blade, his mouth dropping at the sight before him. The skeletal form of the woman hovered effortlessly before him, glowing points of light staring mercilessly through him within darkened sockets. She lifted her creaking arm before her, skeletal fingers splayed out, facing up. "Rise," a hollow, grating voice seemed to call, although Luca was sure she'd not spoken a word. Her wrist flicked up with a snap and the wind started up again, howling strong as before. With a mounting sense of dread, Luca slowly turned around to face a nightmare he'd have never imagined.

    Sorry for the double paragraph action, I just really wanted to get this idea into the story. I'm ready for a bit of an undead battle, ya know? And sorry if you wanted the woman to become important, 'cuz she's a bad guy now. Thanks again Ninva, esb and Syndrome all for participating. It means a lot to me. =]
  10. Syndrome

    Syndrome RealEyes/Realize/RealLies

    There before him stood the very reason why the Knights of Azreal were created for during the Sundering. Dozens upon dozens of dull, unseeing eyes glared at him from sunken sockets, each filled with unconstrained rage and malice. An Undying force of this size could easily overrun a keep but Luca was a Knight, a warrior created by the merging of human and daemon blood. Luca spent no time hesitating and instantly sprung into motion, quickly unsheathing his sword and severing the head from the torso of one of the mindless ghouls in one clean motion. Not wasting a second, he tore through two more with his claws, sending a fine red mist spraying into the salty ocean air before limbs separated from their bodies had hit the floor. Luca's attacks were swift, powerful, and flowed from one to another with both blade and claws almost as if the Undying were simply sticks being caught in his whirlwind of destruction.

    Yet, it was still not enough. This dreadnaught probably housed over a battalions' worth of soldiers, as evidenced by the throng of Undying that surrounded him in a perfect circle. They had stopped advancing and Luca took the moment to catch his breath. Why has the Undying re-appeared after so many years? Why here? A figure stepped up from the decaying undead interrupting the stream of questions that pounded into his head. The skeletal form of the women hovered just ahead of his outstretched sword, the point of his blade underneath her chin.

    Too long? I think only one paragraph of action isn't substantial lol so I wrote two + line of dialog. Hmmm, the woman is now very interesting. BTW why is our hero fighting alone? He's at a port, right?

    EDIT: removed last line. I think someone else should have the opportunity xD
    EDIT2: So like, I totally wrote 'No man could rip another in half.' and then here I am making the guy rake through these things... So I added a little blurp near the top.
  11. esb

    esb Because none of us are as cruel as all of us.

    The wraith did not move a single inch. It was as if she were daring him to cut her throat. In fact, she had a sly smile when she wasn't letting out ear-deafening screeches. As Luca held his arm up, he remembered things he was told since he was raised. Being a Knight of the Archangel of Death did not mean he was to bring death to any living. He was not the bringer of diseases, fatal accidents, or any of the likes. He was a Knight that brought death, yes, but to those creatures that would refuse to remain dead. Those that clinched onto their own souls and bodies in this world, and those that raised other dead.

    Rumors had been spread about the port in which he currently was. Word got out that a lot of crew members were being mistakenly buried alive; That is to say at one point they seemed dead, but it turned out that after burial or even while incineration, it was a evident their was some life in them. Stories were told of screams and many types of noises coming from under ground. Hell some thought, hell is near they said. When bodies were unburied they could see that the dead (mostly crewmen) was very much alive, and angry. Their hostility was great, their wish to create death was incomparable to anything. And thus these tales of the dead rising brought Luca to bring them to peace.

    Luca had only moments to think of his next move for this once stunning woman looked too content about losing her head. Before he could react she grabbed his sword and impaled herself, laughing all the more maniacally.
  12. Fatmankev

    Fatmankev Chef, Writer, and Midnight Toker

    Gritting his teeth in fury at her arrogance, he ripped his sword upwards with all his might; each bone let out a loud snap as it tore through them one by one, and with a final roar the sword was free, pointed high toward the thunderheads, splinters of bone raining across the ship's deck with the sound of rain against a tin roof. Luca lowered his arm slowly til his blade's tip came to a gentle rest against the deck and he allowed himself a smirk; the undead that could think for themselves were all the same; arrogant, evil creatures that believed themselves to be invincible. Seems I've shown yet another the falsity in that. He turned back towards the ambling ghouls behind him, granting them a pitied smile. "I'm sorry, my brothers, but it's time for you to rest again," he whispered in humble prayer, sheathing his blade. With their Master defeated, they would fall and turn to dust at any moment.

    And yet, as the moments passed by, Luca's confidence began to falter. They weren't falling. They weren't turning to dust. In fact, if they were doing anything at all, they were beginning to edge closer to Luca, closing the circle back in around him. But how? They couldn't possibly stay standing! He felt the tightness suddenly press back in on his chest, and he reached frantically for his blade. Unless... A sudden, tremendous wind buffeted him back a step as a hollow, grating laughter filled the air once more.
  13. KaerfNomekop

    KaerfNomekop Swim, fishies. Swim through the veil of steel.

    A flash of lightning lit up the night, and Luca realised the extent of the danger that he'd brought upon himself. The laughter began to rise, apparently emanating from the growing army of ghouls around him.

    All of a sudden, silence fell. And a chorus of harsh, guttural words echoed in his body, his head, his mind. "A blade of Azrael has pierced me. The pact has been broken. By your own power, your brethren will fall. And the heavens will rain sustenance on the children of Erebus!"

    You guys write so damn fast. I wouldn't have caught up if I hadn't decided to procrastinate on my work.
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  14. Syndrome

    Syndrome RealEyes/Realize/RealLies

    Working with this pact thing has pretty much broke my brain in half = =;
    Again, sorry for the SUPER long action scene. Had to make it an epic finale haha. [That and I need practice writing these things so...]

    Luca's world exploded.

    A pain unlike no other ruptured within his head; a blinding, searing pain only matched by one that was felt during the creation of his own kind. He was only slightly aware that his feet were no longer touching the ground, instead he was being forced into the air by some kind of magical force that lifted him to match the eye-level of the wraith, her eyes burned with an emerald flame that seemed to laugh at his pitiful depleted form. With a roar of defiance against the pain that threatened to tear him apart, against the wraith who seemed to hold his fragile flame of life so easily in her hands, and against the storm that bellowed out around him and threatened to snuff his very flame out entirely, he raised his sword with one deformed hand and reached out for her throat with his other. The sword gleamed brightly as it reached out towards the heavens before he plunged it downwards towards her head.

    Steel met magically-reinforced bone in a shower of sparks and his sword broke entirely. Half of his blade was left spinning in the air but Luca spent no time hesitating as he raked his claws through the exposed ribcage as if they were paper. In a flurry of motion he grabbed the fragmented blade of his sword that had yet to touch the ground and with one final burst of energy, slammed the point down through where her heart should be with so much force that they both fell to the ground.

    The wind stilled, the storm ceased. The undead froze.

    Luca clambered back to his feet, his head pounding and his chest aching. Daemon blood was never meant to course through a human's body, it had felt his heart was about to burst from overexertion. His arms weighed like lead and his feet threatened to give in under his weight, but he stood; gasping for breath and staring for any signs of movement from the wraith. His eyes traced her form down to her clawed hands which held a familiar golden amulet.

    The artifact.

    A sound from behind Luca caught his attention, his whole body screamed at him in protest as he craned his head to look at the source. One of the ghouls had fallen over. Another bent over as if it was a marionette with it's strings cut. All around him the Undying were simply reverting to what they were before; soon he was surrounded by the bodies of his fallen comrades lost at sea that slowly disintegrated into dust in the ocean breeze.

    A blinding flash sent Luca to the ground and as he tried to peer past the curtain of light, the harsh, gutteral voice spoke up one last time.
    "Blood shall be spilled; men, women, and children alike will not be spared. The pact is broken, Luca of the Azreal. You are the one who has brought doom to humanity."

    The light stopped and where the wraith once laid, was the young Norse woman.
  15. KaerfNomekop

    KaerfNomekop Swim, fishies. Swim through the veil of steel.

    Almost instantly, the storm ceased. The rolling of the waves slowed, then stopped altogether. The sun rose over the horizon, bringing illumination to the seemingly ceaseless night before. Luca stared at the woman's prostrate figure, himself immobilised by the pain. She looked peaceful in her "death", and there was no longer any trace of the darkness that had possessed her.

    The flap of wings and a loud caw told Luca that he and the woman were not the only ones around. A black raven was flying towards them, its razor sharp wings slicing through the air. A raven by the sea? Horror exploded into Luca's mind. Djion!

    Note: The nature of Djion remains ambiguous. I'm still not sure whether to make it a word, a name or something else.
  16. Ninva

    Ninva Анна Ахматова

    ((I think we've reached an impasse. It's interesting how different authors have a hard time understanding each other, and so they recreate the story every time they write it. I'm not sure how I feel about the project as of now. I don't have any desire to write about Djion and ignore the emotion that still hasn't been concluded. Also, the random idea about Luca's association with an order of knights confused me -- and without any further context, I don't know where to go. I feel like I could go on a whole rant about the aesthetics of the texts that have been going all over the place, but that won't really benefit the project.

    Honestly, we got through a page, and no plot was driven -- though all the tools were provided. It just seems like no one picked up the essential tools to continue the story. The lich fight was neat, I guess. But I was kinda hoping someone would use her to develop the story, not kill or romanticize her.))
  17. Syndrome

    Syndrome RealEyes/Realize/RealLies

    ((It's hard because people keep adding ideas while not continuing the old ones. There are a few people continuing and stringing multiple ideas very well, but with more people adding more ideas rather than continuing them, it is hard for me to conclude multiple ideas in a neat way to keep ourselves from being over-convoluted. I was trying to save the woman, though she may or may not be on Luca's side at the moment. Maybe some sort of 'grey' character or something. It seemed you were invested in the woman so I wasn't going to kill her off xD. On top of that I had to conveniently 'remember' the artifact, find a way to end the fight, add some sort of back-story to existing ideas, and make each post end in a way that was open enough for other people to add their own ideas. I think the problem is that not enough people are bringing closure to the ideas they bring in and are just adding more. But that's just my opinion.
    If anyone would want to start another one, or would like to edit some parts and continue this one I would be more than happy to join. I think overall that this was a pretty good success considering it definitely brought a sudden surge of views back to the WC.))
    EDIT: Maybe I should get off my lazy bum and start posting stories up here again.
  18. esb

    esb Because none of us are as cruel as all of us.

    ((Twas a good exercise. Definitely turned into something I wasn't expected. I wasn't looking to turn it into a zombie fight, or knight of death or anything similar. Slightly hard to keep up with the previous story and keep going from there, because they're generally completely different ideas. With not know what the previous author meant or intended, we can't really add more. Perhaps next time we can leave a note either summarizing what the author wrote, intended, and is headed.

    I hadn't added any because well, I didn't feel this was something I could contribute to, as my likings is more towards more realistic (yet with a touch of fantasy) stories and not completely non-fiction. See Neil Gaiman's Smoke and Mirrors.

    However, maybe we could criticize each other's works briefly. And those of you wishing to continue may do so. =]

    Interesting exercise I just thought of. Rewrite a story. Give a specific-ish plot/scenario/story and have people retell it with their own descriptions, words, maybe change the story slightly. ))
  19. Fatmankev

    Fatmankev Chef, Writer, and Midnight Toker

    Well people, I'm sorry it didn't turn out well. I really think some neat ideas got brought forth, but as others have said, the story wasn't picking up a solid direction and not enough of it was being developed in parts for the different ideas to really be able to come together as a whole. Still, I had some fun with it, and I really thank you guys for participating - maybe after this 'failure', we can use the remainder of this thread to throw out ideas on how we could improve upon the concept, so that maybe we could make it work some time. Sorry I didn't do anything to it yesterday, I was really busy with a sick family and trying to figure out what it'll take to get a few hundred grand loaned to me.

    Regardless of whether or not this worked, I did see a potential story unfolding: the knight of an ancient order sworn to rid the world of the menace of the Undying, whom at the present point in the story hadn't been seen for a significant span of time. A ship bearing several knights of his order, as well as a hired crew, set sail for a distant land in search of an artifact of origins unbeknownst to Luca. Ship returns with a slaughtered crew and only one woman left alive, but she's been transformed by the power of the artifact, which can transform a living soul into and Undying soul (and perhaps back?). After the battle and what not, the next step would have been to head to the Knights' temple or some such in order to report on the sighting of the Undying as well as to learn the origins of the artifact, and why they journeyed out to get it in the first place. I feel like someone introduced a potential antagonist pulling the strings behind some of it, and like it really could've turned into something readable.

    But again, oh well, and thank you all so much. If you've got suggestions on how this could work then please, let me know. Thanks.
  20. Syndrome

    Syndrome RealEyes/Realize/RealLies

    I'm up for doing this idea over again, now that we have some ideas down. Let's put off adding more concepts unless older ones are explained and we have a clear direction of where they are going. I don't think this was a failure at all, it was getting good actually, though rough around the edges.

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