Crusher
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- Reaction score
- 121
Olympic condoms
A man is out shopping and discovers a new brand of Olympic condoms. Clearly impressed, he buys a pack. Upon getting home, the man informs his wife of his new purchase.
"Olympic condoms?", she asks, "What makes them so special?"
"There are three colors," he replies, "Gold, Silver and Bronze."
"What color are you going to wear tonight?" she asks cheekily.
"Gold of course," says the man proudly.
The wife responds, "Really, why don't you wear Silver? It would be nice if you came second for a change."
Three Doctors
Three Doctors are dicussing which types of patients they prefer. Doctor Watson says, "I prefer librarians. All their organs are alphabetized."
Doctor Fitzpatrick says, "I prefer mathematicians. All their organs are numbered."
Doctor Ahn says, "I prefer lawyers. They are gutless, heartless, brainless, spineless, and their heads and rear ends are interchangeable."
Biting dog
There was a hound dog laying in the yard and an old geezer in overalls was sitting on the porch.
"Excuse me, sir, but does your dog bite?" the tourist asked.
The old man looked up over his newspaper and replied, "Nope."
As soon as the tourist stepped out of his car, the dog began snarling and growling, then attacked both his arms and legs.
The tourist yelled, "I thought you said your dog didn't bite!"
The old man muttered, "Ain't my dog."
Bad Things to Hear on an Airplane
10. This is your captain speaking and I don't feel that life is worth living anymore.
9. We're cruising at an altitude of... ah, hell, I don't know.
8. Could somebody come up here and tell me what this button does?
7. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! Just kidding.
6. Would a flight attendant bring me a martini? And keep 'em coming!
5. This is...uh...this is...uh...your...hmm. I seem to have lost my memory.
4. Passengers on the left side of the plane -- does that engine sound funny to you?
3. Welcome aboard flight 109 -- you bunch of jerks!
2. Good God, Steve! We're going to crash! Oops -- is this intercom on?
1. We'll be on the ground in 10 minutes. One way or another.
Some words are translated with google translator.
Yea,these are best jokes ever!
A man is out shopping and discovers a new brand of Olympic condoms. Clearly impressed, he buys a pack. Upon getting home, the man informs his wife of his new purchase.
"Olympic condoms?", she asks, "What makes them so special?"
"There are three colors," he replies, "Gold, Silver and Bronze."
"What color are you going to wear tonight?" she asks cheekily.
"Gold of course," says the man proudly.
The wife responds, "Really, why don't you wear Silver? It would be nice if you came second for a change."
Three Doctors
Three Doctors are dicussing which types of patients they prefer. Doctor Watson says, "I prefer librarians. All their organs are alphabetized."
Doctor Fitzpatrick says, "I prefer mathematicians. All their organs are numbered."
Doctor Ahn says, "I prefer lawyers. They are gutless, heartless, brainless, spineless, and their heads and rear ends are interchangeable."
Biting dog
There was a hound dog laying in the yard and an old geezer in overalls was sitting on the porch.
"Excuse me, sir, but does your dog bite?" the tourist asked.
The old man looked up over his newspaper and replied, "Nope."
As soon as the tourist stepped out of his car, the dog began snarling and growling, then attacked both his arms and legs.
The tourist yelled, "I thought you said your dog didn't bite!"
The old man muttered, "Ain't my dog."
Bad Things to Hear on an Airplane
10. This is your captain speaking and I don't feel that life is worth living anymore.
9. We're cruising at an altitude of... ah, hell, I don't know.
8. Could somebody come up here and tell me what this button does?
7. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! Just kidding.
6. Would a flight attendant bring me a martini? And keep 'em coming!
5. This is...uh...this is...uh...your...hmm. I seem to have lost my memory.
4. Passengers on the left side of the plane -- does that engine sound funny to you?
3. Welcome aboard flight 109 -- you bunch of jerks!
2. Good God, Steve! We're going to crash! Oops -- is this intercom on?
1. We'll be on the ground in 10 minutes. One way or another.
Some words are translated with google translator.
Yea,these are best jokes ever!
