Short piece

Zakyath

Member
Reaction score
239
I haven't written anything in months. Except for just now that is. I appreciate any critisism, even though I know I have not been too generous with it myself for a while. Anyway.



Why do I have to keep both my hands on the wheel?
I’m drifting through gridlock with ease as it is.
I hear the people holler, cursing at one another,
This place is devoid of bliss.
 

KaerfNomekop

Swim, fishies. Swim through the veil of steel.
Reaction score
612
Your life is easy. You're flying past people in terms of success. Yet you still feel dissatisfied.

Reading a bit into it gives such an impression.
 

Zakyath

Member
Reaction score
239
What do you mean by that?

what I meant is that I'm running out of allegories and metaphors, so I wanted to try something relatively fresh to portray a certain emotion; I wasn't sure whether I succeded or failed.

Your life is easy. You're flying past people in terms of success. Yet you still feel dissatisfied.

Reading a bit into it gives such an impression.

Your almost right on. It's about having it easy all your life, yes, but it's not that the narrator feels as if s/he is doing better than everyone else. I wanted to portray the feeling of having no motivation to do your best in a bleak and sad world.



btw, my friend told me I am using the world gridlock wrong. Am I?
 

Ninva

Анна Ахматова
Reaction score
377
In gridlock, you can't "drift through." I thought you were using poetic license with that phrase.
 

Zakyath

Member
Reaction score
239
yeah, but my friend thought I had to write "a/the gridlock" :p

my english is getting rusty, I need to start reading more...
 

Ninva

Анна Ахматова
Reaction score
377
That isn't necessarily so. Placing the article there depends on if there are more than one gridlocks, as a quantitative thing. I can see how it works rhetorically in your poesy, but I can't seeing it adding or taking away from the poem overall.
 
General chit-chat
Help Users
  • No one is chatting at the moment.

      The Helper Discord

      Members online

      No members online now.

      Affiliates

      Hive Workshop NUON Dome World Editor Tutorials

      Network Sponsors

      Apex Steel Pipe - Buys and sells Steel Pipe.
      Top