The Other Side

[hortononon]

The other side MAP

Spoiler

 

[Halahan]

Not bad. The beginning: We realize the wall is big. we got that...

Don't get caught up in using to many random words in italics.

Pretty good

 

[Miz]

I like the weird words
I also like the hidden stuff because you know they did a crime and got framed but it seems to be a good story

 

[hortononon]

Don't get caught up in using to many random words in italics.

well ur gunna see alot of em cuz thats the language they use on the east side.. ull learn that later in the story..

thnx for the input, ill start wrkin on 1st chapter soon

 

[Halahan]

alright... but for example... you technically shouldn't need a glossary, because you should be explaining what each word means when you say it in the text, unless someones speaking and you don't want people to know what he/she is saying.

 

[hortononon]

alright... but for example... you technically shouldn't need a glossary, because you should be explaining what each word means when you say it in the text, unless someones speaking and you don't want people to know what he/she is saying.

its not neccesary for them to know it, when its important for them to understand what it means i will

right now i just added a glossary for something extra, but mainly to help them pronounce my words.

 

[Ninva]

I still hate prolouges

 

[Pineapple]

Not bad. The beginning: We realize the wall is big. we got that...

QFT!

I( seriously stopped reading becuase everything i read was about how big the wall was.

 

[hortononon]

alright i made some little changes to the prolouge so as to appease the gods( Halahan and Pineapple) i edited the whole story again, not just the wall part...

I still hate prolouges

well then, just think of it as a first chapter

 

[Halahan]

Qft?

 

[PurgeandFire]

Qft.

Urban dictionary ftw!

 

[hortononon]

ya i knew QFT,

but i thought FTW was "for those wondering..."

w/e ftw.

have a nice day

 

[hortononon]

bump.

first chapter done.

have a splendid evening.

​

 

[Halahan]

Its ok. Take out that thing with the pigs and Troy. Its worthless ramblings of background information that is to much of any kind unless its interesting. All it is is about a pig...
I forget the rest because I read through it really fast. might read it again later.

 

[hortononon]

bump.

added a map, revised the prolouge and 1st chapter, and changed font so it looks really cool now

have a good day.

 

[Halahan]

stop it with the have a good day. You saying that won't change it if its good or bad : /
"Isaac flew open the back door of a butchery shop, and slipped into an imperceptible corner, reluctantly hiding from anyone who might have actually seen him commit the crime. "

sounds like your trying to use big words. imperceptible is a bit much, maybe 'a hidden corner' or 'unnoticeable corner'. I don't really understand the reluctantly. why would he be reluctant to hide from a crime he didn't commit?
The map... its fine, but its dang small

 

[hortononon]

2nd chapter up and running

 

[Miz]

Anyway nice story still
Keep it up ^^

Have a Doomy Night

 

[hortononon]

just got off of winter break, and wrote another chapter (its short, so no pain to read)

oh, and by the way,

BUMP^