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  • Btw, we should definitely revise the next four chapters we've done before posting them. Get vine!
    And yes, 87 average. FML.
    Nice, I like it. :)
    Some minor grammar errors, and general things I'd say is to vary your vocabulary (like you use "illuminated 3 or 4 times in this first page, maybe say 'light up' or something) and keep your tenses right, you sometimes switched from past to present, etc.
    Anyways, it's great and suspenseful. The ending there was good, like a lose-win-lose-win thing o.o :thup:
    AND you DID get miz involved...
    no more people man, it's not cool when more then two person beta's it.
    I am sorry I just have bad personal memory. Could you please remind me who you are, please Don't feel insulted by this. <3
    crap, gave you the incomplete version, hang o-
    you're not involving miz too are you?
    You make the post, you've got the first chapter anyways.
    That's after he's done betaing.
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