1000 Awesome Things

[ElderKingpin]

1000 Awesome things. Made out of awesome.

Examples:
#357 When the baby crying on your flight finally shuts up

Spoiler

Look, I love babies.

Sure, we laugh, high five, sing songs, and play cars. We talk, read books, dream dreams, and stare at stars.

But one thing we agree to disagree on is proper behavior on overnight transatlantic flights. Me, I like sleeping. Them, they like screaming for hours on the lap beside me.

Generally when this happens all I can do is focus all my energy on sending silent signals to their brain and hoping my message finally gets through.

Shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up.

AWESOME!

---

#989 Blowing your nose in the shower

Spoiler

When you wake up with your ol’ nose holes filled to the brim with thick, slow-moving night-phlegm, there’s only one solution. That’s right. Get up, stumble to the shower, and let’s get down to business.

First, that hot steam needs to get the job started. Those tiny flying water molecules are like miniature chisels, floating right on up your nose and hammering away at the Wall of Salty Nose Gel blocking your air passages.

At the same time those flying chisels are working their magic, another old friend shows up just in time to lend a hand as well. Our old pal gravity. Just standing up lets the night-phlegm know you mean business, and that you’ll employ the use of any weapon necessary to get those air passages cleared up for the long day ahead.

So now you’re in the shower. You’re totally soaked at this point — front and back got a rinse at least, maybe a tummy wash in there — and everything sure is all hot and steamy, nice and thick like a blanket of fog.

At this point you should feel a bit of a tickle high inside your nose, as the wall slowly starts to give away. Now is not the time for complacency. “Oh, I’ll just let gravity and steam finish what they started,” is what you should not say. No, now is the time to attack!

There are three steps to pull it off:

Place your thumb right on the outside of one of your nostrils — preferably the one which is getting the better airflow at the moment. By doing this you essentially drop a massive two-by-four across your airway’s emergency exit door. Now there is no way for that air to get out of your lungs, except for your other nostril. And your mouth, of course.
Close your mouth.
NOW BLOW AS HARD AS YOU POSSIBLY CAN!!! EYES CLOSED, CHIN DOWN, BLOW, BLOW, BLOW!!! PUSH, THERE YOU GO, KEEP PUSHING OUT!!! LONG, HARD PUSH!!! PUSH, PUSH, PUSH!!! ANNNNNNNND… you’re done.
…

…

… So, how was it? Did it do the job? If not, you probably still feel clogged up. You’re out of breath, tired, and frustrated. But I hope that didn’t happen to you. I hope you broke the translucent nosespit dam wall right on down. I hope you blew that clear, slick membrane of headglue away. If you did the job right, your hand should now look like you just squeezed the life out of a baby jellyfish. And if does, I want to give you my sincere congratulations. Because you, my friend, are incredibly

AWESOME!

--
#518 Napping with somebody else

Spoiler

Jam your elbows in that stomach, breathe in those shampoo fumes, and squeeze your knees into the puffy cushions while spooning into a quick catnap on the couch. As drool drips, skin warms, and a slippery sweatfilm slides between you, just smile, close your eyes, and fade into a quiet cuddly moment with someone you love.

AWESOME!

 

[Slapshot136]

ive done the blow your nose in the shower quite a bit when I was sick.. it works well, even sometimes in the sink (helps keep your nose from getting killed by tissues)

 

[sqrage]

I blow my nose in the shower almost daily.

It is awesome indeed.

 

[Wiseman_2]

I've been following this since #949, Ordering off the menu.

I do believe it was TH who linked to it here ages ago, and that is how I know of it

 

[tom_mai78101]

Should add #1001: Reading this is AWESOME.

 

[FireCat]

#985 Eating things past the expiry date

Spoiler

And he had a point. While the nutritional content of last month’s blueberries may have slipped a notch, as long as they weren’t growing spores or starting to smell like a diaper, how bad could they be? I watched Joey carefully from a distance for a while, looking for signs that he was putting himself at risk. But no, nothing. He kept right on standing. No retching from his bedroom late at night, no disappearing rolls of toilet paper and clogged pipes, no sudden hospital visits after eating doggie-bag chicken wings from someone’s birthday party a month before. He was all right.

No way! That's awesome.

 

[Vellu]

#362 Not making plans
This is my personal rule number 1.