A hunter's quarry

Dakho

()[o__o]()
Reaction score
75
I decided to work on some action-y writing, came up with this. CnC would be lovely ;D

Theln quickly ducked under the cluster of rocks as he heard the patter of hooves in the distance. Before him was an empty centaur camp; a still-smoking fire lay in the centaur and two crude tents were pitched near it. As the sound of the hooves grew near, Theln knew he was at the right location. The young man dared to look up from his hiding place. Rising from the hills were three centaur; two of which carried heavy axes, while the other had slim scimitars sheathed across its back. The latter bore the mark of a centaur warlord; the red crescent painted adjacent to his right eye. One of the axe-wielders carried a slain gazelle over its back. He placed it down near the ruined fire, while the other two went to their tents Theln knew this was his mark. As the three rode past him, the young man slowly aimed his bow and placed an arrow upon its string. He pulled it taut, and just before the warlord entered his tent he let loose; he missed.

With a roar of anger and shock the centaur turned, almost immediately finding the exposed human in the outcrop of rocks. In a brutish language he screamed, and immediately his two escorts attacked. Theln had considered being caught, and had planned accordingly. He sprinted towards a broken rock spire, one that must’ve been thirty feet tall before breaking. The shattered rock would be impossible for the centaur to climb up, with their unwieldy hooves. With one of the centaur right behind him, Theln leapt onto the mass of rock, narrowly avoiding the swing of an axe. He quickly pivoted, and stretched an arrow back on the string of his bow. He let loose, and his arrow buried into the throat of the axe-wielding centaur.

The warlord had now reached the rocks. Just as Theln prepared another arrow, he saw a pale green glow in the warlord’s hands. Moments later a blast of pure energy collided with Theln’s chest, knocking him off his ruined perch. The remaining escort bounded at him, axe raised. In desperation Theln drew his blade; it was slim, and would shatter if he were to parry the massive axe of the centaur. And so the human danced between the centaur’s swipes, as the warlord charged in from behind. The trampling hooves alerted him and Theln dove out of the way just as the warlord came within range. The young man pulled a small dagger from his belt and hastily threw it at the centaur guard; it nearly hit, instead leaving a gash on the latter’s side. Theln ducked as the warlord’s swords came swiping at his head. Now crouched, he stabbed for the centaur’s thin and weak legs. With a clean slice he hacked straight through the warlord’s front right leg. Accompanied by his own squealing the centaur collapsed to the ground, writhing about in agony and fury.

Angered by his failure to protect his master, the remaining centaur charged. Though Theln dodged the axe, he was trampled down by the centaur’s powerful hooves. The centaur then turned around, going in for a second charge. This time, as the raging foe came near, Theln ducked low and lashed out, slashing through the centaur’s underbelly. Quickly leaping to the side, Theln then dug in his blade into the guard’s chest. Just as he did, Theln heard what sounded like thunder, and a great force struck him down to the ground. The sting of the impact burned to the bone, and Theln struggled to get up. He heard a buzzing, crackling sound. It appeared the wounded warlord was preparing another spell. Theln reached for his reserves and with his last energy lurched forward, as a booming lightning bolt whizzed past him. His body still ached from the last spell, and he knew his bow was lost somewhere in the dust and dirt. His throwing knife was gone, and the warlord was certainly too far to stab at. Theln tried to get up but his legs lent him no support; it appeared his body had given up on him. He noticed the warlord was struggling to gather the energy to cast one last spell. He was bleeding badly; it was apparent to them both he would die, but the centaur refused to go without Theln dead first. The centaur focused all his mind and body on this last lightning bolt, as Theln slowly crawled toward the mangled warlord. Each inch of movement burned, and every bone in his body felt ready to shatter.

Yet slowly but surely he progressed nearer and nearer to the struggling warlord, who could barely even manifest a spark. Theln wouldn’t give up; he couldn’t. Each inch was an inch towards life or death, yet he wasn’t sure which yet. All that mattered was getting his blade into the warlord. It was his mission, his duty, his life… And the nearer he came, the greater the centaur’s spell became. A small, crackling orb began forming in his hand. The realization that the bolt was nearly ready snapped something in Theln; pumped by adrenaline and fear, the human scurried up onto his feet. Taking several steps he crashed down upon the centaur, and just as his blade drove in, a bolt of lighting burst from the warlord’s palm. Theln’s limp body collapsed onto the warlord’s, leaving the two mangled in their own blood.
 

Ninva

Анна Ахматова
Reaction score
377
I suggest you to revise this and force yourself to be totally clear with everything you write. The vagueness of some areas in the story really ruin the whole hook you had set up for your reader to take.
 
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