A Story Contest!

thewrongvine

The Evolved Panda Commandant
Staff member
So what's going on here? Linamus or whoever's thread this is, you don't need any more extensions, do you? Do you like the one I wrote?

I'm confused.
 

linamus

I r bak!
Yes I loved it, and I'm using it, ty once more. Varine seems unhapy couse I shot down 'betterized version' who was just grammar fix.
P.S thewrongone wanna try out to extend your extended version?^^


[wap]
 

Ninva

Анна Ахматова
I love it how you talk big as if grammar and flow doesn't mean anything to the art of literature. Your grammar mistakes aren't hidden from anyone. Keep in mind that people who aren't experienced as you will see them too, and it may ruin the whole story for them.
Peace.
 

Varine

And as the moon rises, we shall prepare for war
My -rep was reaction to yours -rep. You can't tell that you can't understood what I've doing. Couse Knight answered 1st, and you should have been reading enough to see that grammar is least important.
@ Ninva - And what do you suggest?

I gave you -rep because you're incapable of making a proper sentence... or make one coherent for your purposes. Centrally behind my doing so was that Knight's version was mostly pretty basic diction and syntax, which I felt needed to be improved regardless of your position on its 'importance' (although your ability to spell and form a sentence is pretty important if you want to look somewhat intelligent). Importance also isn't much of a factor when you need all of something done anyway, as to finish it you're going to need to address all of it at some point. Your return of -rep was based of nothing save your desire to get back at someone who made an attempt to help you not look like an idiot when you released your map with that incrediably poorly written paragraph. I also bolded my favorite part of the paragraph I'm responding to. As for the rest of it, I only understood the latter part of the final sentence, which was also pretty sad compared to most people in their final years of primary school.
 

Knight7770

Hippopotomonstrosesquiped aliophobia
I gave you -rep because you're incapable of making a proper sentence... or make one coherent for your purposes. Centrally behind my doing so was that Knight's version was mostly pretty basic diction and syntax, which I felt needed to be improved regardless of your position on it's 'importance' (although your ability to spell and form a sentence is pretty important if you want to look somewhat intelligent). Importance also isn't much of a factor when you need all of something done anyway, as to finish it you're going to need to address all of it at some point. Your return of -rep was based of nothing save your desire to get back at someone who made an attempt to help you not look like an idiot when you released your map with that incrediably poorly written paragraph. I also bolded my favorite part of the paragraph I'm responding to. As for the rest of it, I only understood the latter part of the final sentence, which was also pretty sad compared to most people in their final years of primary school.
I find something funny and ironic about that; the emboldened part.
Good luck with fixing both yours and others' grammar :thup:
Off-topic:
Since 'your' is already possessive, should the possessive form of 'your' be 'yours' or 'your's?'
 

Fatmankev

Chef, Writer, and Midnight Toker
Yours. Curious, though, I've never thought about that... It really got to me after a minute, and I became somewhat unsure, so I had to go make sure I was right. =P
 

Knight7770

Hippopotomonstrosesquiped aliophobia
Yours. Curious, though, I've never thought about that... It really got to me after a minute, and I became somewhat unsure, so I had to go make sure I was right. =P
Thanks very much :thup:
 

thewrongvine

The Evolved Panda Commandant
Staff member
Um... Hi, my name is thewrongvine. :nuts:

@Linamus: How long do you want it? Like 1 or 2 more paragraphs? I'll get it by tomorrow, k? :thup:
:thup:
:thup:
 

Fatmankev

Chef, Writer, and Midnight Toker
Welp. I feel like I've sort of imposed on this dude's thread a little, without providing anything really substantial... so, here you go. It's an extension, but it's more like extending a Whopper Junior to a BK Double Stacker, isntead of like extending a ladder so u can get higher than before. I mean, who wants to climb a rickety ol' ladder, anyhow? :p

For more than ten-thousand years, a small island called The Land of Wonders has existed on the edge of the world, hidden from all the world’s inhabitants. The lands were fertile and green, and a peaceful calm shrouded the lands in a warm embrace. It was a utopia of sheer wonder, and remained that way for most of its life.

The years went by quickly for the budding isle, and its greatness flourished for some nine-thousand years; however, the inevitable finally occurred, and man happened to stumble upon the small but glorious island. It was a group of explorers and, eager to discover some artifact or treasure of some sort, they unwittingly activated a mystical beacon that shone bright all across that side of the world. This was the sign for the Chaos Guild to mobilize, and they came in numbers greater than any would imagine...

Within the year, the Island of Wonders was overrun by countless creatures of great evil; vicious Naga rose from the depths, scouring and ravaging everything along the coasts, while demons fell from the skies and torched the ground with their hellfire. Undead creatures walked the length of the ocean to ascend the isle’s sandy shores, and the most ruthless humans sailed the seas to arrive at the destination. Before long, the former beauty of the island was stripped from it in its entirety, the Forces of Chaos too much for the wondrous land.

As the army bore deeper into the heart of the island, where its most closely guarded secrets rested, something wondrous happened; the fabled island began to defend itself, reacting to the violent attack against its peaceful core. The ocean began to swell around the island, carrying the ships of man inland and pinning them against the center of the island, against the caves that the chaotic forces were occupying. The waters began to rush into the caverns, filling them completely in a matter of minutes. The smaller, more agile humans and the sea-dwelling Naga were the only ones able to escape the watery prison, and not all of them escaped, for sure. As the greater creatures of evil realized their fate, they lost their sanity, and began killing each other in a chaotic frenzy. The Forces of Chaos that managed to keep their lives were forced to retreat, so the battle was over; the island, however, had been dealt a near-mortal wound.

Word soon spread as to the island’s fate, and no one wished to return to its ruined shores for fear of meeting a similar fate, themselves. For nearly a hundred years, the Island of Wonder was left alone once more by all the world, and life began to dwell in the place once more, albeit only in a single spot between the central caverns and the shore on the west side of the island. It’s respite from foreigners was short-lived, however, as a group of humans from a nearby island called the Farmers decided to voyage back to the Island of Wonders in search of anything that the Forces of Chaos hadn’t destroyed. The Farmers were actually the descendents of the chaotic humans that had raided the island a century prior, but their intentions were not malign as their ancestors’ were. They arrived on the northern side of the island, where signs of life were beginning to become evident, and explored the island until they found the spot where the land had flourished once more, and settled in that area, content with the beauty of their secret Eden. They established small farms in the areas around their home, and the island seemed eager to meet their needs because the crops produced from this land were more bountiful and delicious than any they’d ever had.

It wasn’t long, though, before the Farmers began to find traces of Chaos still lingering on parts of the island. Undead spirits haunted their graves, and attacked anything that came near with such a vicious hostility that none could escape. Demonic influence seemed heavy in certain areas, as well, and some of the Farmers had even become possessed, ordered to slay their comrades or, if forced with no other choice, to kill themselves. But they also found evidence of the island’s powerful aura, which exuded one’s being if they were in the right place, and they could be granted some insight to inner problems. Although they were settlers by nature, the Farmers became more and more curious with the closely-guarded secrets of the island, and could not be satisfied by remaining in their small community. Despite the dangers, they were drawn inevitably onward… toward the heart of the Island of Wonder.
 

Syndrome

You can change this now in User CP.
Alright, maybe I'm too late, as thewrongvine's version is pwnage. I'll give it a try.

In ancient times, a mystical and mysterious island has existed for tens of thousands of years, laid undiscovered. The lush green forests and flourishing green meadows have laid undisturbed for centuries, until a group of arcane archeologists uncovered the tranquil island. They have discovered that the island was a source of immense power, power to create and destroy at will. Soon, Nagas, Demons and other malevolent beings from the ancient Nether surfaced and have begun to inhabit these ancient lands in search of the power. A handful of villagers and merchants have established a peaceful village, the village where your adventure starts in a land of mysteries, a land of power, a Land of Wonder.
 

Halahan

To die will be an awfully big adventure.
you need to fix your grammar...
It's good you have ideas and want to write them, thats great, I applaude that. Reading is the main way to get better at writing ;)
 

thewrongvine

The Evolved Panda Commandant
Staff member
lol, fatmankev, was that extended off mine? Anyways, that was so much better than mine. :thup:

You should use his story Linamus.
 

Varine

And as the moon rises, we shall prepare for war
should the possessive form of 'your' be 'yours' or 'your's?'
It's yours. I've always put an apostraphe on yours and its when they are possessive because that's how I was taught when I was learning English, but my English teacher wrote a bunch of comments on it a while ago.
 

sqrage

Moderator
Staff member
It's yours. I've always put an apostraphe on yours and its when they are possessive because that's how I was taught when I was learning English, but my English teacher wrote a bunch of comments on it a while ago.
Yea, I just learned that recently too. It makes no sense though, every possesive other word has an apostrophe...then again this is English we're talking about. :nuts:

http://www.elearnenglishlanguage.com/difficulties/yours.html
 

Knight7770

Hippopotomonstrosesquiped aliophobia
Yea, I just learned that recently too. It makes no sense though, every possesive other word has an apostrophe...then again this is English we're talking about. :nuts:

http://www.elearnenglishlanguage.com/difficulties/yours.html
Yes, English is a very confusing language. That's why it is one of my favorite languages of all time. But not colloquial American English; British English is the better form of the two (or more) :thup:

It's like the 'its vs. it's' sort of thing; it makes no sense :nuts:

I've just made this thread very off-topic by asking that question :p
 

Varine

And as the moon rises, we shall prepare for war
Yes, English is a very confusing language. That's why it is one of my favorite languages of all time. But not American English; British English is the better form of the two (or more) :thup:

It's like the 'its vs. it's' sort of thing; it makes no sense :nuts:

I've just made this thread very off-topic by asking that question :p
There's no difference. It's just a slight change in vocabulary use like happens in all English speaking regions. Of which the 'American' style is better because the British insults are just stupid.
 

Fatmankev

Chef, Writer, and Midnight Toker
There's no difference. It's just a slight change in vocabulary use like happens in all English speaking regions. Of which the 'American' style is better because the British insults are just stupid.
Yes, the American language is far superior. Knight, I'm afraid you are a fool...
 

Varine

And as the moon rises, we shall prepare for war
Yes, the American language is far superior. Knight, I'm afraid you are a fool...
Mmmm... damn right... wanker (one who wanks [masturbates]). I hope you're offended and taken aback by that.

And congratulations to all of us who have taken this thread from fixing his grammar, to finishing the story, to bitching about someone else bitching about fixing grammar, back to fixing grammar, back to bitching, then to arguing about grammar, then to talking about yours, then to arguing about whether the Brits have better English than Americans.
 

Atreyu

One Last Breath.
I just created mine a while ago.. I changed most of it. But hope you like it..

A small island so beautiful, peaceful, green, and wonderful was discovered by archaeologists who call themselves Chaos Guild. They later on named this island the Land of Wonders for it has many mysteries yet to be discovered. The Chaos Guild later on spread the word to all the people around the world making the Chaos Guild famous. Couple of years later, nagas, bandits, undead warriors, demons, and some of the world's strongest people came to Conquer the Land of Wonders which led the island suffer drastic evil. The Chaos Guild knew about this unstable behavior so they destroyed the island submerging it to the sea floor.

The island rose back to the earth millions of years later. New inhabitants discovered the island who call themselves the farmers. They grew crops and animals and build a farm, city, and a village. From this point on, your life as a villager will now be realized.
 
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