A Very Merry Christmas Carol

Fatmankev

Chef, Writer, and Midnight Toker
Reaction score
240
Read this to the tune of "These are a Few of my Favorite Things."

Christmas is merry and whole lots of fun,
My name is Kevin and I've got a gun.
Let us go out on the town Christmas Eve,
'Cuz I've got a trick or two up my sleeve.

Children and parents all holding hands,
As most of the crowd rocks out to the bands.
The music is nice, but soon it will change,
Because I am totally fuckin' deranged.

One shot or two shots directed at the crowd,
Terrified screams in the skies makes it so loud.
I grab up four children as everyone runs,
God, Merry Christmas, this shit's so much fun.

Back to my home with children in tow,
They sob and they whine and they ask me to go.
I whisper sweet-nothings in all of their ears,
And kindly I wipe away all of their tears.

One asks me a question, "Where is my mommy?"
And I simply tell him, "She'll come here soon, Tommy."
So I whistle a tune and get back to my deeds,
And their eyes keep on watching as I pick up speed.

I work with a vengeance, faster and faster,
I stab a knife in the first little bastard.
Theirs screams are a chorus, but they're muffled and queer,
The next little kid gets shot in the ear.

Sirens are blaring, they're getting closer,
I'm getting nervous, so I pick up a toaster.
Two hits in the face, then choked with the chord,
His dying noises sound tired and bored.

The wails and moans help drown out the noise,
As I rip off the face of one poor young boy.
I take a quick bite, a nibble at most,
before I throw the flesh on a piece of toast.

I take a few bites before the door goes to splinters,
As several police burst in with the winter.
The cold biting frost does nothing to keep,
Hundreds of bullets from piercing my sleep.

I wake up in my bed, I'm pretty drowsy,
That fuckin' acid was sort of lousy.
Did I even trip, my memory's gone,
Maybe I better just end this song.
 

Demonwrath

Happy[ExtremelyOverCommercializ ed]HolidaysEveryon
Reaction score
47
>Maybe I better just end this song.

Best line in the entire thing.

No offense man, but how twisted are you to make soemthing like this?

The title, 'A Very Merry Christmas Carol' made me think it was either a nice Christmas or funny christmas song, not some thing about kidnapping and killing kids. like man, that is messed.

I am not saying you aren't creative, but write about less shuff that could get you locked up for insanity...
 

Fatmankev

Chef, Writer, and Midnight Toker
Reaction score
240
Yeah, fair enough. I felt like letting you all get a little taste of insanity in this little piece, which was actually inspired by Steven Lynch's Halloween Song on his latest album. But this song wasn't nearly as bad as I could've made it, just f.y.i., although I know it's sort of a lil twisted. Anywho, take it easy.
 

hortononon

"I give em the hip then I take it away"-Jim Thorpe
Reaction score
29
it gives me a bad impression of you, and probably the same goes for all other readers of this, im not trying to flame, i hope this isnt, but seriously u should not be writing that stuff, leave it to deranged maniacs.

have a nice day.
 

ArmedCitizen

Kisses Cats
Reaction score
197
I thought it was good.

Nicely written and it kept me on my toes to read more throughout the whole thing. It reminds me of a music video I saw but I won't go into any more details for the graphics were raw. :p
 

Halahan

To die will be an awfully big adventure.
Reaction score
52
Didn't read any of it but I sensed a really positive vibe from it. I'll read it sometime later
 

DM Cross

You want to see a magic trick?
Reaction score
566
WOW, Halahan. We need to hang a sign on your nose with an arrow pointing down toward your mouth and the words "Insert foot here".

This was not a happy "positive" poem, dude. But it was damned interesting. I don't see why people freaked about it, though. People have made careers over stuff like this. My own book has quite a few gruesome, disgusting points in it and I'm the mind behind them. I have an idea to write a book from a psychotic killer's mind. I don't see anyone getting on my case for it.
 

Fatmankev

Chef, Writer, and Midnight Toker
Reaction score
240
Wow, some people liked it? Cool beans. I really just put it up there 'cuz there hasn't been any new material in a few days. Well, I'm glad that some people thought it was alright, and I'm sorry for disturbing the minds of everyone else. Peace.
 

Halahan

To die will be an awfully big adventure.
Reaction score
52
WOW, Halahan. We need to hang a sign on your nose with an arrow pointing down toward your mouth and the words "Insert foot here".

I think thats the first person that I've seen you use caps directed at a person :rolleyes: aren't I special.

ANyway, I've been feeling a bit bored lately and I've gotten a bit more relaxed herein the WC so I've been acting more and more like a doofus lately : /

Alright: I read it

Its kinda funny and odd but the only thing I don't like about it is the fact that this actually sometimes happens in the world. That just makes it rather horrible
 

Ninva

Анна Ахматова
Reaction score
377
Its kinda funny and odd but the only thing I don't like about it is the fact that this actually sometimes happens in the world. That just makes it rather horrible
Wouldn't you like to know what went through these people's minds?
 

Halahan

To die will be an awfully big adventure.
Reaction score
52
yes. just so I'd be that much better at stopping them
 
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