Ambivalent Existence

Syndrome

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-BUMP-

[Hopefully this is NOT a double-post...]

Updated, check the first post for links to chapter 4, if a moderator could help me post the PDF files here, that would be cool.
 

Pineapple

Just Smile.
don't you have Microsoft Word?

Each chapter in work is olny about 30-40 kb. The PDFs take up close to 150-200
 

Pineapple

Just Smile.
Posted it with Word once, people apparantly liked PDF better for some reason.. :confused:

Should I?
[Kool-Aid]ohhhh yea.[/Kool-Aid]

But also:

Have a link to it posted on the internet, so if they don't got word they can still read it off the internet. Like ninva does with Deviant Art. find your that/
 

Syndrome

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"[Kool-Aid]ohhhh yea.[/Kool-Aid]"

LOL!

anyways, yea, ill convert the Doc files to be compatable for 2003 and lower Word version.

BUT wouldn't the swiggly red and green lines get annoying??
 

Syndrome

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What swiggle lines?
Say if i wrote Yumi

Word would NOT recognize that as an official word, so it puts it down as a spelling error
any recent version of Word would also underline a red swirly line underneath Yumi
 

Pineapple

Just Smile.
Say if i wrote Yumi

Word would NOT recognize that as an official word, so it puts it down as a spelling error
any recent version of Word would also underline a red swirly line underneath Yumi
of well then we cn just right click ignore all if it bothers us that much
 

Syndrome

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*BUMP*
Hehehe, sorry about the long time without updates, a new chapterr will be posted soon since I was busy on the weekends.

Also, I was talking with my friend who wants to use my storyline to create a japenese comic, known as a manga, for his art summative in his school.
He is making the manga as we speak, and may be posting them on this thread, kinda cool eh?

Anyways, chapter 5 and 6 coming up after my other friend finishes beta-reading them, then maybe chapter 1 in an adapted manga version will be coming out too.
Oh, as a side note, in the manga, the storyline might be slightly altered and chapters might be merged together in the manga thingy
 

thewrongvine

The Evolved Panda Commandant
Staff member
oh freak, i read your 4 chapters so far and it was so good!
it was.. um.. very interesting lol and i kept reading.
i was rushing it cuz i have to sleep now so i didnt catch any errors or anything but the storyline and how you write it is good, better than good.

GREAT JOB!

waiting for the next chapters

(lol hybrid is a cool name)
 

Syndrome

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oh freak, i read your 4 chapters so far and it was so good!
it was.. um.. very interesting lol and i kept reading.
i was rushing it cuz i have to sleep now so i didnt catch any errors or anything but the storyline and how you write it is good, better than good.

GREAT JOB!

waiting for the next chapters

(lol hybrid is a cool name)
lol, awesome! another person who likes my story
chapters 5 and 6 will be up soon once my friend finishes beta-reading and some proofreading of it.

I was stuck finding a name for Hybrid initially, but his... personaility, 'his traits' and more were a mix of things so Hybrid turned out to be a great name. [Since Hybrid means Combination or Crossbreed...]
 

thewrongvine

The Evolved Panda Commandant
Staff member
kk cant wait
:D am i ur friend?
:D can i be beta reader too?
:D j/k
:D tats right for hybrid with crossbreed and combination, hybrid reminds me of those old scary stories with like werevamps.
:D
 

Fatmankev

Chef, Writer, and Midnight Toker
I decided to give your story another shot, because some of your ideas are very creative and really hook me in; however, the second chapter is a little too hard to read with all the caps and comma splice errors and what not. I would really like to check this story after a few changes are applied, but it's sort of repulsive to read (not in a really bad way, it's just that so many capital letters weirds me out or somethin'). You can easily acknowledge the emotion and volume of your character's voice by using adjectives. In fact, you can actually convey far more emotion with adjectives than with capital letters, as capital letters simply denote volume.
For example: ("WHAT DO YOU MEAN?" the girl asked loudly. {In my opinion, "What do you mean?" she asked suspiciously, her accusatory tone unmistakable. This way, you know that she still doesn't trust Hybrid right then, and you can tell that she's not just bluntly shouting out words, but she's actually directing her ire toward him.} Now, that's just an example, but I'm sure you get the idea.)
I'd also like to suggest brushing up on your grammar. Many of your sentences have comma splice errors, which is basically when you seperate two independent clauses with a comma and no conjunction or anything. It's certainly readable like this, but it's incorrect and looks much better otherwise.
And the flashback thing really got me. Sure, that would work fine in an anime or something, but in a story you don't just say, "FLASHBACK" and then roll with it. And honestly, a flashback like that detracts from the story. A flashback should only be there to advance the storyline or character development, not to relay the exact same information that you read last chapter. Sorry, but this part bothered me.

But I just now finished chapter 2, and I'm starting to dig it. I'm not so sure you should use Tirisfal, at least not if it's spelled the same as it is in Warcrack, but I'll probably read the next few chapters within a day or two. Keep it real, brotha, and never stop writing.
 

Syndrome

You can change this now in User CP.
I decided to give your story another shot, because some of your ideas are very creative and really hook me in; however, the second chapter is a little too hard to read with all the caps and comma splice errors and what not. I would really like to check this story after a few changes are applied, but it's sort of repulsive to read (not in a really bad way, it's just that so many capital letters weirds me out or somethin'). You can easily acknowledge the emotion and volume of your character's voice by using adjectives. In fact, you can actually convey far more emotion with adjectives than with capital letters, as capital letters simply denote volume.
For example: ("WHAT DO YOU MEAN?" the girl asked loudly. {In my opinion, "What do you mean?" she asked suspiciously, her accusatory tone unmistakable. This way, you know that she still doesn't trust Hybrid right then, and you can tell that she's not just bluntly shouting out words, but she's actually directing her ire toward him.} Now, that's just an example, but I'm sure you get the idea.)
I'd also like to suggest brushing up on your grammar. Many of your sentences have comma splice errors, which is basically when you seperate two independent clauses with a comma and no conjunction or anything. It's certainly readable like this, but it's incorrect and looks much better otherwise.
And the flashback thing really got me. Sure, that would work fine in an anime or something, but in a story you don't just say, "FLASHBACK" and then roll with it. And honestly, a flashback like that detracts from the story. A flashback should only be there to advance the storyline or character development, not to relay the exact same information that you read last chapter. Sorry, but this part bothered me.

But I just now finished chapter 2, and I'm starting to dig it. I'm not so sure you should use Tirisfal, at least not if it's spelled the same as it is in Warcrack, but I'll probably read the next few chapters within a day or two. Keep it real, brotha, and never stop writing.
War...crack? Lol, Tirisfal is a village in my RPG game that I was making, so is Heltheon and Zenith. Never heard of Warcrack.

You know, after MY FRIEND FINISHES READING THE NEXT TWO CHAPTERS!!! [YOU HEAR THAT!] and comments about what I should fix, instead of wrting another chapter, ill tone down the Caps and then do what you did, which seemed... much better lol.

Oh, my friend and I drew Yumi, but the scanner won't pick up pencil marks, gotta ink it with something.... brb...
 

thewrongvine

The Evolved Panda Commandant
Staff member
War...crack? Lol, Tirisfal is a village in my RPG game that I was making, so is Heltheon and Zenith. Never heard of Warcrack.

You know, after MY FRIEND FINISHES READING THE NEXT TWO CHAPTERS!!! [YOU HEAR THAT!] and comments about what I should fix, instead of wrting another chapter, ill tone down the Caps and then do what you did, which seemed... much better lol.

Oh, my friend and I drew Yumi, but the scanner won't pick up pencil marks, gotta ink it with something.... brb...
He means Warcraft... and like a crack of warcraft = warcrack? .... :D
 

Syndrome

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:p lol, so Tirisfal is really a part of Warcraft? T__T
never knew that
this shows that all ideas, even names, are already taken.
Chapter 5 will be up shortly, after i finish my studying for exams and edit it
 

Syndrome

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Here's the first draft of Yumi, drawn mainly by me but with the help of my friend.

Does she match what you thought she might look like?

Yes, I know im not t3h l33t35t dr4w3r 1n t3h w0r1d.
But, hey, its the first thing i actually drew since...... forever...
 
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