Are you Goth?!

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DM Cross

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OOH, my...

"This is a newsletter that St. Mary's church in Colorado Springs sent out this week:

If Your Child is a Gothic, Reform Through the Lord!

Listed below are some warning signs to indicate if your child may have gone astray from the Lord. Gothic (or goth) is a very obscure and often dangerous culture that young teenagers are prone to participating in.
The gothic culture leads young, susceptible minds into an imagined world of evil, darkness, and violence. Please seek immediate attention through counselling, prayer, and parental guidance to rid your child of Satan's temptations if five or more of the following are applicable to your child:

-Frequently wears black clothing.
-Wears band and/or rock t-shirts. (what? you mean God doesn't like Green Day?)
-Wears excessive black eye makeup, lipstick or nailpolish. (Well.. I think Jesus must have gotten tarted up a bit on his way)
-Wears any odd, silver jewelry or symbols. Some of these include: reversed crosses, pentagrams, pentacles, ankhs or various other Satanic worshipping symbols. (hey, isn't the cross a symbol?)
-Shows an interest in piercings or tattoos. (ew.. i hate needles..)
-Listens to gothic or any other anti-social genres of music. (Marilyn Manson claims to be the anti-Christ, and publicly speaks against the Lord. Please discard any such albums IMMEDIATELY.) (because they will slowly take over the world, of course!)
-Associates with other people that dress, act or speak eccentrically. (yes, because we are all the same.)
-Shows a declining interest in wholesome activities, such as: the Bible, prayer, church or sports. (what if the bible is just plain boring?)
-Shows an increasing interest in death, vampires, magic, the occult, witchcraft or anything else that involves Satan.
-Takes drugs. (ew)
-Drinks alcohol. (yum.. bacardi!)
-Is suicidal and/or depressed. (everyone is, you fuck.)
-Cuts, burns or partakes in any other method of self-mutilation. (This is a Satanic ritual that uses pain to detract from the light of God and His love. Please seek immediate attention for this at your local mental health center.) (Those are people who just want attention. Again, not everyone is the same. You fuck.)
-Complains of boredom. (no comment...)
-Sleeps too excessively or too little. (so my dad is gothic?)
-Is excessively awake during the night. (so my mom is gothic?)
-Dislikes sunlight or any other form of light. (This pertains to vampires promoting the idea that His light is of no use.) (His light needs a new battery)
-Demands an unusual amount of privacy.
-Spends large amounts of time alone. (cause of people like YOU)
-Requests time alone and quietness. (This is so that your child may speak to evil sprits through
meditation.) (yes, of course! That is the only logical reason. You fuck.)
-Insists on spending time with friends while unaccompanied by an adult. (What. Thefuck.)
-Disregards authority figures; teachers, priests, nuns and elders are but a few examples of this. (because we all love teachers priests and nuns.)
-Misbehaves at school. (So the principal is a Goth?)
-Misbehaves at home. (so my cat is a goth?)
-Eats goth-related foods. Count Dracula cereal is an example of this. (this gave me quite a chuckle. What about the cinnamon toast crunch guy? Is he related to Satan?)
-Drinks blood or expresses an interest in drinking blood. (Vampires believe this is how to attain Satan. This act is very
dangerous and should be stopped immediately.) (so my grandma is a goth? she likes the blood in meat)
-Watches cable television or any other corrupted media sources. (Ask your local church for proper programs that your
child may watch.) (proper? like Fox news?)
-Plays videos games that contains violence or are of a role-playing nature. (what's wrong with RPGs??)
-Uses the internet excessively and frequently makes time for the computer. (HEY, aren't YOU using the internet? You fuck.)
-Makes Satanic symbols and/or violently shakes head to music. (so you just stand there, motionless, in a concert? [no offense to you cathy, I read about your APC thing :p ])
-Dances to music in a provocative or sexual manner. (so all the black people at my school are goth?)
-Expresses an interest in sex. (doesn't everyone?)
-Masturbates (hey, you do too)
-Is homosexual and/or bisexual. (that's their choice..)
-Pursues dangerous cult religions. Such include: Satanism, Scientology, Philosophy, Paganism, Wicca, Hinduism and Buddhism. (or something REALLY bad.. like... BIOLOGY!)
-Wears pins, stickers or anything else that contains these various phrases: "I'm so gothic, I'm dead", "woe is me", "I'm a goth". (Hooray for Pin-whores!)
-Claims to be a goth. (yes, because we all claim to be so.)

If five or more of these apply to your child, please intervene immediately. The gothic culture is dangerous and Satan thrives within it. If any of these problems persist, enlist your child into your local mental health center.

~St. Mary's Catholic Church"
 

DM Cross

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SD_Ryoko said:
Wtf.com ? Count Dracula?

Alex wears black because he never washes his clothes; so colors are a no-no.
The Count Chocula cereal, or something.

Shut up :p Dork.

Actually, according to that, not only am I goth (at least 5 things apply to me) but I must be Satan's best friend.

Or his rival. ;)
 

Sargon

New Member
Buddhism is a dangerous cult religion? Buddhism? Dangerous? What?
 

SilverHawk

General Iroh - Dragon of the West
ROFL!!!

Not to be racist, but this sounds like something I would expect from the South.
 

Myzteryz

It only does everything.
-Makes Satanic symbols and/or violently shakes head to music. (so you just stand there, motionless, in a concert? [no offense to you cathy, I read about your APC thing ])
-Dances to music in a provocative or sexual manner. (so all the black people at my school are goth?)
-Expresses an interest in sex. (doesn't everyone?)
-Masturbates (hey, you do too)
-Is homosexual and/or bisexual. (that's their choice..)
-Pursues dangerous cult religions. Such include: Satanism, Scientology, Philosophy, Paganism, Wicca, Hinduism and Buddhism. (or something REALLY bad.. like... BIOLOGY!)
-Wears pins, stickers or anything else that contains these various phrases: "I'm so gothic, I'm dead", "woe is me", "I'm a goth". (Hooray for Pin-whores!)
-Claims to be a goth. (yes, because we all claim to be so.)
-Drinks blood or expresses an interest in drinking blood. (Vampires believe this is how to attain Satan. This act is very
dangerous and should be stopped immediately.) (so my grandma is a goth? she likes the blood in meat)
OMG this is so funny... im laughing so hard.. ROFL!!!
The Sex dancing iis just hilarious... LMAO!

So.. if you think about it.. you drink blood everyday :D

UR MADE OF SATAN!!!

Alexander you may claim that ur F**** annoying and a big jerk but ur *beepin'* Funny!!!!!
 

DM Cross

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Oh, those aren't MY comments, someone submitted this on another forum, one for Static-X (heavy metal band) and I thought it was funny. :p

Do you WANT my comments? :rolleyes:
 

DM Cross

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ROFL, it was a forum for a band :p

That's weird?!
 

Shadowy Fear

I have returned
. . . . . . .

OMGOMGOMG ROFLMAO AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! :D :D :D :p :p :p

LOL! That is SO FREAKING FUNNY :D

-Pursues dangerous cult religions. Such include: Satanism, Scientology , Philosophy, Paganism, Wicca, Hinduism and Buddhism.
WTF?! HOW THE HELL IS PHILOSOPHY A CULT RELIGION?! IT IS THE SAVIOR OF OUR SOCIETY, NOT THE DREGS OF IT! :mad:

-Disregards authority figures; teachers, priests, nuns and elders are but a few examples of this.
Um, WHICH TEENAGER doesn't?!

Taken together, this two are self contradictory; so we definately shouldn't persue 'Scientology', whatever the hell that is, (even if it may be our life's dream to use Scientology to benefit our race), but we definately should respect the teachers who teach it?! UM?!

-Watches cable television or any other corrupted media sources. (Ask your local church for proper programs that your
child may watch.)
What media source ISN'T corrupted?! OH, I KNOW, THE BIBLE! That's all I got . . .

GRAH, what idiots these people are ... the keep themselves locked up, most likely, and never happen to glance outside at society (mediaphobia?)

Eh, alex, keep from cursing and/or burning down the church in anger and sure :p
 

XXXconanXXX

Cocktails anyone?
Not to be racist, but this sounds like something I would expect from the South.
Ehm, you DO know that racism is when you discourage the other race, not someone of a different area right? Most americans hate the French, so it's good to assume almost all of us are racist. Well, that's not necessarily a bad thing, since almost half the world does, and what would the French do to us? Throw cheese at us?
 

DM Cross

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I'll put MY comments in there and post it tomorrow ;)
 

Shadowy Fear

I have returned
I am just geniuly furious at these people. How could they POSSIBLY group philosophy and science (?) in the same LIST as Satanism and Pagism, let alone right next to each other!?

According to this list, I am a Gothic.

I expect over 80% of the world is, too. Wow, no wonder these freaks are so desperate . . . (they are plainly listing the sins of all life, not just Gothic symptons; what kind of Goth spends his time thinking of philosophy or school? There have been a few teachers I hated. And what the f*c* does sleeping have to do with being Gothic? :confused: :confused: :confused: Apparently I should tell my parents to contact 'my local mental health center' immediately! I can feel the Devil stirring within me -_- They must be very desperate at the way society has turned, and obviously think they can reverse it by sending out such idootic messages) GRAH! Such stupidity. . . it is good that a.) these people are nuns and priests, and therefore cannot add their harmful genes to the human genome pool, and b.) are safely kept in monastaries and nunneries, thus keeping them out of the way of society.

So we would have been better off without Newton and Einstien (Einstien was, btw, a very firm supporter in Jews, and donated/contributed/supported extensively Jews and other various factions)? Without Shakespeare, Neil Armstrong, Bill Gates, Christopher Columbus? And how is Buddhism a cult religion! It's hardly even a religion (no offense to any Buddhists reading this); it's more of a state of mind and life that practices peace and inner balance.

Do they have wars over Buddhism?

No.

Do they have wars over Christianity (and even AMONG Christians?!)?

Yes.

Does Buddha subconciously command his followers to attempt to slaughter all non-belivers and make miserable the lives of the rest (No offense to Christians reading this, either, I am 1.) venting my anger and 2.) overgeneralizing on some ... past disputes in history)?

No.

Do Christians? (think of the Protestant>=<Catholic wars, the bloodshed, the conflicts between them and Muslims, even today [Madrid bombings, very recent London bombings, of course 9-11, and so many other attacks])

Yes.

This is just pissing me off so much; I could (and did) laugh at the rest, but these fanatical nuts are trying to put limits on society that it just can't take, and are carelessly slandering some of the most important aspects of society.

I would like some other opinions here, as well, to see if I am alone in my thinking (seething rage) or not (probably am; I am quite the amateur philosopher - I do quite a lot of thinking about matters - and science is pretty much what I am preparing my life for)
 

Myzteryz

It only does everything.
XXconanXXX said:
Ehm, you DO know that racism is when you discourage the other race, not someone of a different area right? Most americans hate the French, so it's good to assume almost all of us are racist. Well, that's not necessarily a bad thing, since almost half the world does, and what would the French do to us? Throw cheese at us?
Uhmm... Thats wierd becuz I happen to be French....

I may throw cheese at you but what would you do?.. throw hamburgers?
LOL!...
;)

Please take a survey b4 doing stuff like that conan... ... and anyway.. our cheese would fatten you guys up and you would explode :D.. :p
j/k :D :D
 
R

R15I23D05D14

Guest
I never knew I was gothic. Wow. I will now have to rethink my entire life ....

If only I owned more colourful clothing .... if only...
 

DM Cross

You want to see a magic trick?
Staff member
Version "Alexander" of the first post :D

"This is a newsletter that St. Mary's church in Colorado Springs sent out this week:1

If Your Child is a Gothic, Reform Through the Lord! [Pft, why? The dark side has cookies!]

Listed below are some warning signs to indicate if your child may have gone astray from the Lord. [Because the world is simply FULL of devout Christians and Catholics, right?] Gothic (or goth) is a very obscure and often dangerous culture that young teenagers are prone to participating in. [Why? Because you suck so badly they do what they can to be anything BUT you!]
The gothic culture leads young, susceptible minds into an imagined world of evil, darkness, and violence. [... So we're imaging home, huh? Don't know about you, pal, but "evil, darkness, and violence" are on the brouchre to South River] Please seek immediate attention through counselling, prayer, and parental guidance to rid your child of Satan's temptations if five or more of the following are applicable to your child:

-Frequently wears black clothing. [Hmm, this would mean nuns and priests are goth, no?]
-Wears band and/or rock t-shirts. [What, God doesn't like rock?]
-Wears excessive black eye makeup, lipstick or nailpolish. [You'd prefer what, tangerine?]
-Wears any odd, silver jewelry or symbols. Some of these include: reversed crosses, pentagrams, pentacles, ankhs or various other Satanic worshipping symbols. [A Pentacle is for Wiccans, while a Pentagram, like the upside-down cross, is considered a "Devil" sign. Ever wonder why they look ALMOST EXACTLY ALIKE?!]
-Shows an interest in piercings or tattoos. [Is the body not a canvas upon which we should create art? What, God's now against art AND rock?! Religion sucks, man!]
-Listens to gothic or any other anti-social genres of music. (Marilyn Manson claims to be the anti-Christ, and publicly speaks against the Lord. Please discard any such albums IMMEDIATELY.) [The guy also had breast implants and removed a few ribs so he could blow himself. Weird? Hell yes! Evil? I doubt it. A guy like this thinks "evil" is defined as "pink fluffy bunnies". Not exactly a threat, if you ask me.]
-Associates with other people that dress, act or speak eccentrically. [God doesn't like people with accents, now, either?! There goes Mexicans! Damn, this guy is picky!]
-Shows a declining interest in wholesome activities, such as: the Bible, prayer, church or sports. [Dude, have you ever tried to read the bible? The thing's bigger then my mouth, and lemme tell ya, that's big! And what's it say? Well, in a simplistic message, the bible says the following: Shit happens!]
-Shows an increasing interest in death, vampires, magic, the occult, witchcraft or anything else that involves Satan. [Witchcraft, the Craft, "magick" and the Occult have nothing to do with Satan. Do your research. Wiccan's don't even BELIEVE in a Devil, Satan, etc. etc. Ignorant idiot.]
-Takes drugs. [Native Americans were goth? After all, what do you think were in those "peace pipes", anyway?]
-Drinks alcohol. [Don't some religions, such as the Jewish religion, require you to drink wine at some ceremonies? Damn, I never knew Jewish people were goth!]
-Is suicidal and/or depressed. [Wow, you don't know what "teenage horomones" are, do ya, buddy? Hmm, someone needs to go back to health class. Everyone's depressed at some point. You're trying to state that everyone is now goth at some point in their life? Wow. Maybe Health class isn't the only one you have to retake.]
-Cuts, burns or partakes in any other method of self-mutilation. (This is a Satanic ritual that uses pain to detract from the light of God and His love. Please seek immediate attention for this at your local mental health center.) [This makes a person stupid. Not goth.]
-Complains of boredom. [So instead we should go and write stupid reasons that don't even make sense, that apparently show who is goth or not without even understanding the religions we're incriminating, or even understand what goth actually is?]
-Sleeps too excessively or too little. [So insomniac's are goth, huh?]
-Is excessively awake during the night. [Um, my dad works a night shift. This makes him goth?]
-Dislikes sunlight or any other form of light. (This pertains to vampires promoting the idea that His light is of no use.) [This coming from someone whose overhead lightbulb is going dim? Ironic, is it not?]
-Demands an unusual amount of privacy. [So I assume privacy is now a crime, whereas there are laws PROTECTING people's privacy? Uh oh, folks, you guessed it. The government is goth!]
-Spends large amounts of time alone. [Ever think that people just don't like you?]
-Requests time alone and quietness. (This is so that your child may speak to evil sprits through meditation.) [Pardon me? Let me enlighten you. Meditation is a way to become one with everything around you, to relax. Relaxing is now goth, people. RELAXING IS THE DEVIL! STRESS YOURSELF, STEP INTO THE LIGHT! ... Oh, look at the line of people waiting to reform now. Wait, nevermind. There is no line]
-Insists on spending time with friends while unaccompanied by an adult. [Wow, I feel sorry for YOUR kids, buddy!]
-Disregards authority figures; teachers, priests, nuns and elders are but a few examples of this. [Well, according to your FIRST little rule there, buddy, nuns and priests are goth. So I should want them around? Are you goth? Are you trying to convince me to be goth? AHH, SATAN IS AFTER ME! ... Damn it, not again!]
-Misbehaves at school. [No, these are called "teenagers", not "goths". BIIG difference, pal. Sure you PASSED kindergarden?]
-Misbehaves at home. [So we're born as goths?]
-Eats goth-related foods. Count Dracula cereal is an example of this. [... Oh my. People, BEWARE! CEREAL WILL CORRUPT YOU! IT IS SINKING DEEP INTO YOUR SOUL! FIGHT IT! RENOUNCE THE EVIL THAT IS BREAKFAST!]
-Drinks blood or expresses an interest in drinking blood. (Vampires believe this is how to attain Satan. This act is very dangerous and should be stopped immediately.) [Technically, doesn't all meat, cooked or not, contain some blood? So what, the vegetarians are the only holy people alive? Well then, in that case Satan is my new best friend!]
-Watches cable television or any other corrupted media sources. (Ask your local church for proper programs that your child may watch.) [Erm. You got this message through that corrupted media source, aka the Internet, buddy. Don't knock what you take advantage of. Like your wife, for example]
-Plays videos games that contains violence or are of a role-playing nature. [Yes. Games are evil. They teach you war, violence and all that other load of crap they put into those "how to raise your kid" books. Because, you know, the church was never corrupted and evil. Priests and nuns never threatened leaders of the past with damnation to control the government. Heh, I guess next you're going to tell me history class is goth, right?]
-Uses the internet excessively and frequently makes time for the computer. [So, you claim that using the computer, the very tool you're using to get this message out to the world, is goth. Hiya, mister goth!]
-Makes Satanic symbols and/or violently shakes head to music. [... Define "Satanic symbols" here. You mean the \m/ hand gesture?! Oh, wait, I forgot. Rock is goth. I guess I should go buy a nice album of choir music, because you know, THAT gets me going in the morning...]
-Dances to music in a provocative or sexual manner. [That's right. Pop music is goth. Fear it. Well, ok, it's really not goth, but fear it anyway!]
-Expresses an interest in sex. [Ryoko's a goth.]
-Masturbates [Well, now we know Conan's a goth!]
-Is homosexual and/or bisexual. [Oh please, just because no one likes you at all, don't go knocking someone who gets knocked enough. Gay people are just as "holy" and "righteous" as you are. Actually, they're even MORE "holy and righteous" then you, since THEY don't go around preaching how evil everyone else is.]
-Pursues dangerous cult religions. Such include: Satanism, Scientology, Philosophy, Paganism, Wicca, Hinduism and Buddhism. [Oh, you're just pissed because evolution kicked your holy ass!]
-Wears pins, stickers or anything else that contains these various phrases: "I'm so gothic, I'm dead", "woe is me", "I'm a goth". [Ever hear of "sarcasm"? Or a really new concept like a "joke"? Get a dictionary, idiot.]
-Claims to be a goth. [... Gee... I'D HAVE NEVER GUESSED?! Thank you, Mister Point-Out-The-Obvious!]

If five or more of these apply to your child, please intervene immediately. The gothic culture is dangerous and Satan thrives within it. If any of these problems persist, enlist your child into your local mental health center.

~St. Mary's Catholic Church"

BTW, Shadowy: Pagan isn't a Satanistic religion -.- It's a generalization of Wicca, Druidism, Shamanism, Buddhist, etc. etc. :p
 
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