Beyond me is a whole nation

Ninva

Анна Ахматова
Reaction score
377
Beyond me
Is a whole nation.

They're just like
Me and you –

Look at me.
I can swim

And be anything.
Form into any beast

Because we're
Human beings.

Let's kiss and laugh:
Play and cuddle –

We're everything
And everything is

We – Are here;
Living in peace

If we wanted it
To be.
 

Zakyath

Member
Reaction score
239
I'm going to summarize what I feel about your poetry in general here. I think it's great overall, but from my point of view I sometimes get confused by what you write.
eg:
"Look at me.
I can swim"

I don't understand why and I see no sense in it - there probably is, I'm sure of that, but sometimes it feels too... nonsensical. From my point of view that is.

Anyhow, I've always been very fond of your astonishing ability to pick the right words. You have a very good vocabulary and almost always seem to make the right choice.

And many parts of your poetry are really brilliant.

eg.
"Because we're
Human beings.

Let's kiss and laugh:
Play and cuddle –

We're everything
And everything is

We – Are here;
Living in peace

If we wanted it
To be."

You wrap it up in a really neat way and it seems as all the words falls into place. Needs no more, no less.

So I think you're overall a really good writer, but have a tendency to demand too much of some of us readers. But then again, I do not usually read poetry, as you've probably noticed song lyrics is more my thing, so you propably shouldn't adjust your poetry too people like me. The 'genres' are quite different. But I think it's nice to hear how people actually perceive what you write, and thought you might like it too.

Just my two cents.
 

Ninva

Анна Ахматова
Reaction score
377
This surely is a different piece. I'm glad you noticed that. And I sincerely thank you for the critique. I really appreciate it.

If you're curious about the stanza about swimming, it's meant to be nonsensical. In that stanza, I express my liberty by stating something rather irrelevant to peace and love and freedom; but in the overall effect, I hoped to add more to the poem. The poem also has a noble-savage tone. This stanza adds to this savage or animal-like aspect of humanity.

If you recall, I pay attention to "me" and not the nation. This is a postmodern poem that focuses on a nation of "me" or relative individuals who function as people who acknowledge a nation "beyond" themselves.

It is a rather complicated poem, but this is how I like to write my poetry. I'm glad you respect that.

Thank you for reading. :)
 
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