After reading the Twilight series and revisiting said series in the three available movies that are currently out, I have learned many valuable lessons which I feel I should spell out plainly for any of you curious readers out there.
Relationships Advice: Twilight Style
For the dudes...
1.) Behaving in a stand-offish, curt, and morose manner is the only way to properly attract a member of the opposite sex. It doesn't matter if you clearly have emotional barriers and a severe lack of care for your fellow man - if you behave like a dick, you will get chicks!
2.) Stalking is fine, as long as you are a) conventionally attractive, and b) 'can't help yourself.' This goes double for breaking and entering!
3.) Keeping secrets from your partner is fine, even if keeping those secrets threatens the life of said partner.
4.) Leaving your co-dependent, mentally unstable, and possibly socially retarded partner in a sudden and cruel manner is perfectly fine as long as you're doing it to 'protect' them.
5.) Forcing yourself on a girl without pause will only make them admit they have feelings for you. Sexually assaulting them is fine, as long as you apologize (even half-heartedly) afterward.
6.) If the object of your affection rejects you after the hundredth attempt, then you should set your sights on their child. Because if you can't get at the mom, the daughter is the next best thing!
7.) Acting like an aggressive and controlling dick will only arouse your lady further.
8.) Physically harming your lady so much that she winds up in the hospital is fine. She can always just come up with an excuse, like 'she fell down the stairs', since she's such a clumsy idiot.
9.) Coercing your lady to marry you in exchange for allowing her to live the lifestyle she truly wants to lead is okay because it's old-fashioned and romantic that way.
10.) If you ask fifty times and she says no, she might just say yes on number fifty-one!
For the ladies...
1.) If a guy tells you that he's a threat to your life and must leave you be lest he seriously harm and/or kill you, then he must be the love of your life! You must pursue him with even greater fervor.
2.) It's okay if your potential love interest is stupid, temperamental, violent, and possessive as long as he's 'hot.'
3.) It's romantic to put yourself in life-threatening situations so you can hear the voice of your boyfriend again, especially if your boyfriend's voice is yelling at you constantly to stop being a stupid bint.
4.) When your partner leaves you, it's perfectly normal to go into shock, stop eating, stop talking to friends, and have night terrors that make you scream in pain in the middle of the night and wake your poor over-worked dad.
5.) Boys who leave you will always return because they must be the one!
6.) Because it's obvious that your boy will return to you, you must wait up for them for as long as it takes - even if it's months on end.
7.) If another male romantic alternative presents himself to you, you should allow him to pursue you romantically even if you know you have no intention of returning his feelings. In fact, using him to fix things for you, buy things, and chase off other male alternatives is a good idea.
8.) Men can change themselves for you as long as you sacrifice yourself to change them.
9.) If you have mental and emotional problems, you shouldn't try to change yourself for the better. Instead, you should hold out for someone who has similar issues so you don't have to make an attempt to improve yourself.
10.) Begging for sex is acceptable in any normal relationship.
It would but I can also just make sure I can return them. The system I have works, it's pretty straightforward and I tested it with a camera I have. All it really is is a little cartridge that holds the transparency film and a white light source behind it that projects the image into the lens