Hitchhickers Guide to Warcraft

Siefer

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This thread used to be really good. We need contributors. Give me more WCIII humor. (btw, Bernstrom look at the world editor help forums, not non-related threads. First use the search function, then start a thread, over there! Not over here!)

Anyways, quick contribution/bump (to be added to the orc units section):

3)Trolls- Because trolls are green like the orcs are, they have joined their army. Trolls like to use axes and speak with Jamaican accents so they aren't confused with Dwarves (see Scottish accents). A prime example of the Horde's preference of throwing objects instead of shooting them, which the good (in terms of moralistic values) and overall more attractive races like to do. Although not a very well-known fact, top researchers have found out that trolls actually use their axes for a variety of things in addition to being long-range projectile weapons. This includes being used for: cooking tool, eating utensil, tree-chopper, toothpick, toy, dispute-settler, pleasure device, pen, pencil, eraser, pet toy, laundry-helper, food, back-scratcher, walking stick, pointer, sign of status, night-light, to compare the sizes of other axes, currency, wrench, screwdriver, hammer, to stop the squeaking and tilting ofa table where all the legs aren't even and as body part replacements (that last one isn't actually used as often as you'd think). This is why trolls use thier axes instead of a bow or gun, which would probably be more efficient instead of having to make a ton of new axes every time you go out to battle. Of course, if you can't tell from the list above, trolls aren't exactly renown for thier efficiency.
*If you are a warcraft novice, be careful, when trolls go berserk, they really go BERSERK!!! :nuts: They won't even notice the arrow sticking out of thier eye, or the fact that the enemy they are maiming is just a poor sheep who happened to be walking by at the wrong time. Keep an eye on your soldiers, because they definitely won't!




Wow. That troll axe-thrower entry was a lot longer than I planned on it being. Anyways, here's my bump. And also, please update the first page! Live on WCIII!
 
G

g1real

Guest
If you look carefully, the FOREST trolls are green, horde trolls are actually blueish/purple like the night elves. Also... if you played WoW you should know you could choose a wide variaty between blue and red =3
 

Lord_Phoenix

Dogs are fuzzy
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It was catching on at first, but u kinda lost me at the noobish alien stuff :banghead: :nuts: :confused:
We could always rename it to: Guide for noobs AND aliens....

If you look carefully, the FOREST trolls are green, horde trolls are actually blueish/purple like the night elves. Also... if you played WoW you should know you could choose a wide variaty between blue and red =3
Well, I say WoW is becoming souly a money making tool, making it hard for me to believe in credibility. Anyways, read the opening, you'll notice the semi-disclaimers about authors.
 

Siefer

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If you look carefully, the FOREST trolls are green, horde trolls are actually blueish/purple like the night elves. Also... if you played WoW you should know you could choose a wide variaty between blue and red =3
Fine then.
3)Trolls- Because the trolls that used to be aiding the Horde were primarly green like the orcs are, they joined their army. Trolls like to use axes and speak with Jamaican accents so they aren't confused with Dwarves (see Scottish accents). A prime example of the Horde's preference of throwing objects instead of shooting them, which the good (in terms of moralistic values) and overall more attractive races like to do. Although not a very well-known fact, top researchers have found out that trolls actually use their axes for a variety of things in addition to being long-range projectile weapons. This includes being used for: cooking tool, eating utensil, tree-chopper, toothpick, toy, dispute-settler, pleasure device, pen, pencil, eraser, pet toy, laundry-helper, food, back-scratcher, walking stick, pointer, sign of status, night-light, to compare the sizes of other axes, currency, wrench, screwdriver, hammer, to stop the squeaking and tilting ofa table where all the legs aren't even and as body part replacements (that last one isn't actually used as often as you'd think). This is why trolls use thier axes instead of a bow or gun, which would probably be more efficient instead of having to make a ton of new axes every time you go out to battle. Of course, if you can't tell from the list above, trolls aren't exactly renown for thier efficiency.
*If you are a warcraft novice, be careful, when trolls go berserk, they really go BERSERK!!! They won't even notice the arrow sticking out of thier eye, or the fact that the enemy they are maiming is just a poor sheep who happened to be walking by at the wrong time. Keep an eye on your soldiers, because they definitely won't!
Weren't WCI and WCII trolls green always? Is that why I'm thinking green trolls? If not, then I'll change it again. Anymore suggestions?
 

Lord_Phoenix

Dogs are fuzzy
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I don't think there's much. I like green trolls.

Maybe trolls Crossbred with A random something and created goblins (which is why they're greenXD)
 

risen_jihad

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The Mechanized creep

Quite possibly one of the most underrated unit, this thing can cause mass havoc and destruction if left unchecked. Most people walk by and think "Oh, a nice little chicken, after this war is over, ima make it my dinner." But little do they know, it is not good for eating. In fact, it is quite possibly the worst thing to eat ever, with all those wires and pieces of dwarven scrap metal. You see, these special critters have magical powers, they can move about in aimless patters, thus making the enemy think it is an actualy ckicken. But beware, the advanced dwarven technology allows for it to be used as a magical portal to observe your enemies actions. WHile the notion is generally thought to kill any little helpless critter in the event that it is a spy, please, think of those poor sheep.
 

Lord_Phoenix

Dogs are fuzzy
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I have some time for a small addition!

Critters
These unslightly beasts are a very little known aspect in the game. Wandering in your travels, building bases, these critters happen to get in the way at the worst times. Unknown to players, they are controlled by a horde of lazy Blizzard Employees (aka as soul and money suckers) to caused horrendous amounts of grief to pacifist players who think killing animals are WRONG! The people who think this often tend not to reproduce, and die to the deadly disease of VEGITARIANISM!!!!!

Disease: Vegitarianism
Symtoms: Eating of non-meat. Dosn't mind slaughtering humans, but can't harm an animals. Usually plays NE in ladder
Cure: Tie them to a chair and pour steak sauce on them. Let squirrls and other carnivorus creatures (such as Felhunters and Undead) nibble on them for about 3 days. When let loose, they will want their revenge on the creatures, often eating everything raw for about a month. They have a tendancy to die of Simonella poisening, so watch them closly for the first month so they don't die.
*NOTE* If bitten by undead, make sure they are not turned into zombies or vampires. You will be able to tell, because vampires set themselves on fire during the day, and zombies have a tendancy to speak gibberish and have cravings for brains.


Enjoy!
 

Lord_Phoenix

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Hahah, not really. I run everything through spell-check when I put it in a document. I never was a good speller, (example) so Auto-correct is my friend :D
 

hi_im_bob

......and you are?
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I think that you should add under custom maps, that if a good map ever comes out there is a 100% guarantee then some idiot takes it, makes it easy to win (a.k.a. ruins it) then signs thier name saying Made Better By: .......
 

Lord_Phoenix

Dogs are fuzzy
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hello! This is bump.

I'd post something, but I have two papers that must be written by today. So have fun, and create something great!
 
M

Meat Shield

Guest
lol spent almost ½ hour reading this... :nuts:

nice humor, wonder how many hours u spent making it? :rolleyes:
 

Miz

Administrator
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Sometimes lifes questions are left to be un anwser well thats the best thing to do (that or Ignore the questions) :rolleyes:
 

Lord_Phoenix

Dogs are fuzzy
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Can't really say. I've worked on it on in off the past year or twou (check the date of the 1st post!)

Mostly I've been busy getting ready for college and music stuff, so I can't really tell. Not as much time as I would like, but writing for this is hard.
 

Lord_Phoenix

Dogs are fuzzy
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69
Its not dead, I'm just procrastinating.

I think I'll start spreading it around soon. 30 more days til gradulation!
 
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