Demonwrath
Happy[ExtremelyOverCommercializ ed]HolidaysEveryon
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Okay, I started up in a writing club at my school, and I got motivated to start a hopeful book series. I however, like everything else I do, would like criticism (both positive, and negative, yet be NICE about it) on my work.
If you also have any title ideas for the series it would be helpful.
Characters:
Jurkai Blood-Axe
Race: Kangor'yan
Age:37
Height: 6'5"
Importance/Position: Leader of the Kangor'yan race, and viewer of the Sapphiric Nightmare
Book 1: Creation
Chapter 1: Exile:
If you also have any title ideas for the series it would be helpful.
Characters:
Jurkai Blood-Axe
Race: Kangor'yan
Age:37
Height: 6'5"
Importance/Position: Leader of the Kangor'yan race, and viewer of the Sapphiric Nightmare
Book 1: Creation
Chapter 1: Exile:
The cave was dimly lit. Runes of blood were along the walls, and in the middle of the room sat a large rock, glowing in the light of the cave's torches. Three beings, two men, and a woman, stood around the stone. One of the men wore a dark robe, and the hood hid his eyes from view. His hands were covered in dust, like he had been digging in the sand. The other man wore a small cape and held a staff. His face was that of a proud, and powerful man, but he seemed to have a look of fear and doubt in his eyes. The woman wore a cloak, yet unlike the first man she had her hood down. Her face was beautiful and her ears were long and pointed; she was an elf. Her eyes were hot and blazing like a steaming fire as she starred at the stone between the three of them. “Is everything ready Jurma?” the women asked the robed man.
“I shall make the final preparations now Hel'yuni” Jurma replied, “Although, I will need your help for a second Arklin, I may be the Earth mystic, but I cannot lift this boulder by myself.”
“Give me a moment Jurma,” Arklin replied in an angry tone, “I need to finish figuring this out first. Are you sure everything we have here is correct Hel'yuni?”
“Positive,” she replied, “I have researched this for the past five years, everything I have done is done perfectly. When this spell is complete we should have the gem. I only wish Gurmani had decided to join us, we'd have more power and would get a better result from the spell. None the less we shall finally bring peace to our world.”
“Hel'yuni, Arklin, it's ready.” Jurma declared, “Let the spell commence” Each of the three mystics began to chant in an ancient tongue, and they all began to glow. Jurma glowed an earth green, Arklin a deep water blue, and Hel'yuni a beautiful cloud white. The three glows shot out from each of them towards the stone. A flash of light filled the room, and screams rang through the cave.
Jurkai awoke with a start. His fur was soaked with his sweat. 'Was that just a dream?' he thought to himself as he sat inside his hut wide awake. He got off of his boar skin bed and walked out of the hut. The cold wind blew through his sweat soaked fur. It was still night, he had best stay inside. He retreated back inside where he began to think of the images he has just seen. 'They couldn't have been real' he continually thought to himself, 'but it seemed so real!' Jurkai wiped his head with his hands. This was too much to think about now, even if it was night, he should be preparing to hunt in the morning.
Jurkai got up from his bed once again and walked over to the room where he kept his gear. He needed to make a successful catch today, he had returned with nothing for the past few days, and the tribe were beginning to doubt his abilities. As leader, he needed to keep strong, so he prepared himself. He retrieved his net, his blade, and his leggings then finally decided he should wipe the sweat from his body.'Hopefully today I have some things explained to me while I am out in the desert.' He thought.
He set out from his hut into the still dark desert. Jurkai hoped he could catch something before everyone else awoke, at least then he could feed the elders. It was still frigidly cold though, so he walked at a fast pace through the soft cold sand. It when then that he saw him, a figure in the distance that seemed to by lying on the ground dead. He neared closer hoping it was something edible he could take home, but when the figure had visible features, Jurkai dropped his blade and ran. It was a man, huddled, cold, and freezing. Jurkai ran next to him and knelt down, “Are you okay?” he asked the man. He got no response, so Jurkai lifted the man over his shoulder, retrieved his blade and headed towards the village. 'A life is more important than food' he thought.
Jurkai sat in front of the fire he had made in his hut. His bed lay behind him, and on it, the stranger he had found in the desert. 'That man is lucky to be alive' he thought, 'In those outside temperatures, not even our people can survive long. He is a strong man.' Jurkai looked back at the man as he rolled around in the bed, and something caught his eye, something he hadn't noticed before. The man had a symbol, a crest on his clothes. Curious to see what it was Jurkai moved towards him and closer examined this new clue as to where the stranger was from. 'What the!?! This can't be!?' Jurkai lept back from the man and grabbed his blade, 'this man is an Akroyian...damn it I should have just let him die!'
The stranger stirred and slowly began to open his eyes, Jurkai readied himself for anythign that may come at him. The man looked at Jurkai, saw his large axe and jumped off the bed. “Wh....wha....what do you want with me?” the man asked in a very trembling voice, “And...wh....why am I here?”
Jurkai lowered his axe, 'This man is harmless' he thought, 'I might as well explain things to him.' Jurkai looked at the man, “You are the village of Jurmani, in the middle of the Desert of Exile. I found you almost dead in the cold during my hunt this morning. However when I brought you in I didn't see that you were from Akroya. If you can, forgive my aggressive first impression, our race has long been under oppression and annoyance from your race and country.” The man seemed to be paying more attention to Jurkai's features than what he was actually saying. Then the man looked up at Jurkai and spoke to him.
“Nothing to be forgiven. In fact I should be the one asking you to forgive me. After all, you did save me and spare my life, I should be groveling at your feet. Oh and pardon me, where are my manners, my name is Denerak, and I dearly thank you for your hospitality. Now I am sorry but I must leave, I have very important matter which I must attend to.” Jurkai looked at Denerak with curiosity.
“Important matters you say?” he inquired the man, “Tell me, what is it you were sent here to do?”
“Oh please, I know what you are thinking, and no I am not an assassin, if I were I would have killed you by now no? I am here because I am a messenger. I have a very grave message that needs to be given to the leader of your race. I believe his name is Jurkai Blood-Axe, could you possibly show me where I might find him?” Jurkai looked at the man and laughed. “I don't get what's so funny.” Denerak said stiffly, “This is a very important mission, I felt lucky to accept it! How dare you mock me!”
“Oh it's not that, “Jurkai began after his laughing had ceased, “it's just well, I am Jurkai Blood-Axe. I somehow found that amusing. Anyway, what message is it you bring for me?” Denerak looked at Jurkai with a shocked look on his face and jumped back from Jurkai.
“Your the leader!” He yelled, “you're not kidding me?”
“No, “Jurkai swiftly replied, “why would I joke with you about something like this?”
“Well,” Denerak began, “when I was told this message was for the leader of your race, I...well, I pictured you as some sort of king upon a throne with peasants working under you. Not that you would be like all the others as an equal.”
“It is the Kangor'yan way Denerak.” Jurkai said, “Here, let me explain to you. In Exile our race was once divided into many small tribes. We all fought endlessly, for, unbelieveably, land. You see here in Exile land is plentiful, yes, but most of it is not suited for agriculture. The land we have in which our plants can grow is scarce. I was a little boy, who unfortunately was born into this large conflict. My father, one of the many loyal men of the Red Fist Tribe, died when I was just entering manhood. For many years afterward, I was psychotic, I killed anyone not from my tribe without fail, and all in my tribe loved me for it. Then one day, I was in battle, and killed a man. This man was the father of a boy who had been fighting alongside him. Upon seeing the sadness of the son, I ran from the battle. Like expected, my tribe banished me for retreating from battle, and endlessly loosing us a large track of land. I wandered this vast desert alone for at least 5 years before the truth hit me.
Our race was slowly shrinking because of the massive bloodshed, and I had finally realized that instead of a divided race, I should unite the tribes. So I in secret sent message to the leaders of the Seven Tribes to meet with me. I of course could not refer who I truly was, so instead I referred to myself as, 'the Truth'. Surely enough, I met with the leaders, and put forward my proposal of joining the tribes. All but one tribe leader disbanded my idea and called me a fool. Rorkan the leader of the Sandstorm Tribe said he saw promise in a union of our race. to my horror, the other six clan leaders called him a betrayer to our race, and in our very meeting room killed him. At this I showed the leaders who I was really was, and in a violent rage, I laid to rest the remaining six. I had remorse for what I had done, but I knew that I had fulfilled the dream I had. I took the heads of all the leaders to all the tribes and declared myself as the new leader. That was five years ago, and yet there is still strife between the old tribes. I now work my hardest to keep peace in our race, and to help prove myself as a leader. If I did not, I would have probably been slaughtered now by my kinsmen.” Denerak sat down in a chair an just starred at Jurkai.
“So much work for peace that still isn't there.” He gripped his forhead and looked towards the ground, “Sir, was it, really all that worth it? I mean could you not have just defeated the other tribes and let yours prosper?” Jurkai looked down at him.
“Enough of this talk. Give me the message you have brought.” Jurkai looked at Denerak sternly, and he understood Jurkai wanted him to finish his mission and leave, quickly.
“I shall make the final preparations now Hel'yuni” Jurma replied, “Although, I will need your help for a second Arklin, I may be the Earth mystic, but I cannot lift this boulder by myself.”
“Give me a moment Jurma,” Arklin replied in an angry tone, “I need to finish figuring this out first. Are you sure everything we have here is correct Hel'yuni?”
“Positive,” she replied, “I have researched this for the past five years, everything I have done is done perfectly. When this spell is complete we should have the gem. I only wish Gurmani had decided to join us, we'd have more power and would get a better result from the spell. None the less we shall finally bring peace to our world.”
“Hel'yuni, Arklin, it's ready.” Jurma declared, “Let the spell commence” Each of the three mystics began to chant in an ancient tongue, and they all began to glow. Jurma glowed an earth green, Arklin a deep water blue, and Hel'yuni a beautiful cloud white. The three glows shot out from each of them towards the stone. A flash of light filled the room, and screams rang through the cave.
Jurkai awoke with a start. His fur was soaked with his sweat. 'Was that just a dream?' he thought to himself as he sat inside his hut wide awake. He got off of his boar skin bed and walked out of the hut. The cold wind blew through his sweat soaked fur. It was still night, he had best stay inside. He retreated back inside where he began to think of the images he has just seen. 'They couldn't have been real' he continually thought to himself, 'but it seemed so real!' Jurkai wiped his head with his hands. This was too much to think about now, even if it was night, he should be preparing to hunt in the morning.
Jurkai got up from his bed once again and walked over to the room where he kept his gear. He needed to make a successful catch today, he had returned with nothing for the past few days, and the tribe were beginning to doubt his abilities. As leader, he needed to keep strong, so he prepared himself. He retrieved his net, his blade, and his leggings then finally decided he should wipe the sweat from his body.'Hopefully today I have some things explained to me while I am out in the desert.' He thought.
He set out from his hut into the still dark desert. Jurkai hoped he could catch something before everyone else awoke, at least then he could feed the elders. It was still frigidly cold though, so he walked at a fast pace through the soft cold sand. It when then that he saw him, a figure in the distance that seemed to by lying on the ground dead. He neared closer hoping it was something edible he could take home, but when the figure had visible features, Jurkai dropped his blade and ran. It was a man, huddled, cold, and freezing. Jurkai ran next to him and knelt down, “Are you okay?” he asked the man. He got no response, so Jurkai lifted the man over his shoulder, retrieved his blade and headed towards the village. 'A life is more important than food' he thought.
Jurkai sat in front of the fire he had made in his hut. His bed lay behind him, and on it, the stranger he had found in the desert. 'That man is lucky to be alive' he thought, 'In those outside temperatures, not even our people can survive long. He is a strong man.' Jurkai looked back at the man as he rolled around in the bed, and something caught his eye, something he hadn't noticed before. The man had a symbol, a crest on his clothes. Curious to see what it was Jurkai moved towards him and closer examined this new clue as to where the stranger was from. 'What the!?! This can't be!?' Jurkai lept back from the man and grabbed his blade, 'this man is an Akroyian...damn it I should have just let him die!'
The stranger stirred and slowly began to open his eyes, Jurkai readied himself for anythign that may come at him. The man looked at Jurkai, saw his large axe and jumped off the bed. “Wh....wha....what do you want with me?” the man asked in a very trembling voice, “And...wh....why am I here?”
Jurkai lowered his axe, 'This man is harmless' he thought, 'I might as well explain things to him.' Jurkai looked at the man, “You are the village of Jurmani, in the middle of the Desert of Exile. I found you almost dead in the cold during my hunt this morning. However when I brought you in I didn't see that you were from Akroya. If you can, forgive my aggressive first impression, our race has long been under oppression and annoyance from your race and country.” The man seemed to be paying more attention to Jurkai's features than what he was actually saying. Then the man looked up at Jurkai and spoke to him.
“Nothing to be forgiven. In fact I should be the one asking you to forgive me. After all, you did save me and spare my life, I should be groveling at your feet. Oh and pardon me, where are my manners, my name is Denerak, and I dearly thank you for your hospitality. Now I am sorry but I must leave, I have very important matter which I must attend to.” Jurkai looked at Denerak with curiosity.
“Important matters you say?” he inquired the man, “Tell me, what is it you were sent here to do?”
“Oh please, I know what you are thinking, and no I am not an assassin, if I were I would have killed you by now no? I am here because I am a messenger. I have a very grave message that needs to be given to the leader of your race. I believe his name is Jurkai Blood-Axe, could you possibly show me where I might find him?” Jurkai looked at the man and laughed. “I don't get what's so funny.” Denerak said stiffly, “This is a very important mission, I felt lucky to accept it! How dare you mock me!”
“Oh it's not that, “Jurkai began after his laughing had ceased, “it's just well, I am Jurkai Blood-Axe. I somehow found that amusing. Anyway, what message is it you bring for me?” Denerak looked at Jurkai with a shocked look on his face and jumped back from Jurkai.
“Your the leader!” He yelled, “you're not kidding me?”
“No, “Jurkai swiftly replied, “why would I joke with you about something like this?”
“Well,” Denerak began, “when I was told this message was for the leader of your race, I...well, I pictured you as some sort of king upon a throne with peasants working under you. Not that you would be like all the others as an equal.”
“It is the Kangor'yan way Denerak.” Jurkai said, “Here, let me explain to you. In Exile our race was once divided into many small tribes. We all fought endlessly, for, unbelieveably, land. You see here in Exile land is plentiful, yes, but most of it is not suited for agriculture. The land we have in which our plants can grow is scarce. I was a little boy, who unfortunately was born into this large conflict. My father, one of the many loyal men of the Red Fist Tribe, died when I was just entering manhood. For many years afterward, I was psychotic, I killed anyone not from my tribe without fail, and all in my tribe loved me for it. Then one day, I was in battle, and killed a man. This man was the father of a boy who had been fighting alongside him. Upon seeing the sadness of the son, I ran from the battle. Like expected, my tribe banished me for retreating from battle, and endlessly loosing us a large track of land. I wandered this vast desert alone for at least 5 years before the truth hit me.
Our race was slowly shrinking because of the massive bloodshed, and I had finally realized that instead of a divided race, I should unite the tribes. So I in secret sent message to the leaders of the Seven Tribes to meet with me. I of course could not refer who I truly was, so instead I referred to myself as, 'the Truth'. Surely enough, I met with the leaders, and put forward my proposal of joining the tribes. All but one tribe leader disbanded my idea and called me a fool. Rorkan the leader of the Sandstorm Tribe said he saw promise in a union of our race. to my horror, the other six clan leaders called him a betrayer to our race, and in our very meeting room killed him. At this I showed the leaders who I was really was, and in a violent rage, I laid to rest the remaining six. I had remorse for what I had done, but I knew that I had fulfilled the dream I had. I took the heads of all the leaders to all the tribes and declared myself as the new leader. That was five years ago, and yet there is still strife between the old tribes. I now work my hardest to keep peace in our race, and to help prove myself as a leader. If I did not, I would have probably been slaughtered now by my kinsmen.” Denerak sat down in a chair an just starred at Jurkai.
“So much work for peace that still isn't there.” He gripped his forhead and looked towards the ground, “Sir, was it, really all that worth it? I mean could you not have just defeated the other tribes and let yours prosper?” Jurkai looked down at him.
“Enough of this talk. Give me the message you have brought.” Jurkai looked at Denerak sternly, and he understood Jurkai wanted him to finish his mission and leave, quickly.