- Reaction score
- 1,633
Right now, it's 5:49AM, and I haven't slept or taken a shower since yesterday.
To tell you the truth, the reason I didn't take a shower (I should be taking one between 10PM and 12AM) and start sleeping (I should be asleep by 12AM to 1AM, depending on how heavy I sleep), is because of a programming hobby burnout. I'm getting close to losing my mind (well, erratic behaviors of hygiene and sleep), and I need to find a place to vent all of this out "permanently".
My creativity somehow dropped massively. I can't think or create anything other than mere simple objects, such as a cube-shaped polygon, or typing the same old codes back and forth. I've been trying to practice the arts of setting up an OpenGL environment, especially on the smartphone, where it supports OpenGL ES 1.1 and 2.0.
To create, one must have a design plan to back it up. One does not simply design it, though. It's either me with a designer's block, or there's no definite goal plan, unlike the clear goals I once had when working on my "big" Android project.
Not only the above mentioned just barely scratched the "surface" of this craziness, the main "core" issues, is that I'm being put off with idealistic plans, which I think you can call me an idealist for it. One of my major plans is to learn how to animate 3D objects via OpenGL ES 2.0 on my Android phone. Having stepped through the basics of 3D animation, I know about the simple concepts of rigging and using a dopesheet to create keyframes for the animation.
The difficulty of exporting animation to a file format that's small (binary files), supports animation, and it's easy to parse/read it is enormously huge. It's as if the learning curve suddenly went O(n^n). Not only that, as a person who hates relying on imported libraries, the learning difficulty is raised up by 2 orders of magnitude.
It is here that kills me for no apparent reason. It irks me, even if my conscious mind is telling me there's nothing wrong, and I'm just thinking too much on it. I don't even know how to describe it.
I was planning on adding an animated mesh into my OpenGL ES game, hopefully (ideally) improve more on it so that it may turn out to be 3D RPG game, with an overhead chase cam. Right now, it's 6:17AM, the sun is above the horizon. Been typing and thinking to myself don't seem to help me much anyway.
Just wanted to vent all of the frustrating feeling that I simply get without realizing out of my body. Perhaps I need to start making much more realistic goals, perhaps I need to start from 2D, and work on 3D when I earn more job experiences (which I'm currently not, in fact, I'm going in the opposite direction). I probably don't even know if I can be able to get programming animation integration experiences from future jobs, as my outlook of my future is bleak as hell.
The last "core" issues is probably the hygiene. Because of the way I'm "blocked", I lost motivation to clean myself and take a rest. Now I keep smelling body odor, to the point that I know that I'm in deep shit. The lack of sleep isn't going to help me get out of this mess I have created subconsciously.
Just start picturing me of some homeless shaved guy typing away on the keyboard. I'm that filthy.
To tell you the truth, the reason I didn't take a shower (I should be taking one between 10PM and 12AM) and start sleeping (I should be asleep by 12AM to 1AM, depending on how heavy I sleep), is because of a programming hobby burnout. I'm getting close to losing my mind (well, erratic behaviors of hygiene and sleep), and I need to find a place to vent all of this out "permanently".
My creativity somehow dropped massively. I can't think or create anything other than mere simple objects, such as a cube-shaped polygon, or typing the same old codes back and forth. I've been trying to practice the arts of setting up an OpenGL environment, especially on the smartphone, where it supports OpenGL ES 1.1 and 2.0.
To create, one must have a design plan to back it up. One does not simply design it, though. It's either me with a designer's block, or there's no definite goal plan, unlike the clear goals I once had when working on my "big" Android project.
Not only the above mentioned just barely scratched the "surface" of this craziness, the main "core" issues, is that I'm being put off with idealistic plans, which I think you can call me an idealist for it. One of my major plans is to learn how to animate 3D objects via OpenGL ES 2.0 on my Android phone. Having stepped through the basics of 3D animation, I know about the simple concepts of rigging and using a dopesheet to create keyframes for the animation.
The difficulty of exporting animation to a file format that's small (binary files), supports animation, and it's easy to parse/read it is enormously huge. It's as if the learning curve suddenly went O(n^n). Not only that, as a person who hates relying on imported libraries, the learning difficulty is raised up by 2 orders of magnitude.
It is here that kills me for no apparent reason. It irks me, even if my conscious mind is telling me there's nothing wrong, and I'm just thinking too much on it. I don't even know how to describe it.
I was planning on adding an animated mesh into my OpenGL ES game, hopefully (ideally) improve more on it so that it may turn out to be 3D RPG game, with an overhead chase cam. Right now, it's 6:17AM, the sun is above the horizon. Been typing and thinking to myself don't seem to help me much anyway.
Just wanted to vent all of the frustrating feeling that I simply get without realizing out of my body. Perhaps I need to start making much more realistic goals, perhaps I need to start from 2D, and work on 3D when I earn more job experiences (which I'm currently not, in fact, I'm going in the opposite direction). I probably don't even know if I can be able to get programming animation integration experiences from future jobs, as my outlook of my future is bleak as hell.
The last "core" issues is probably the hygiene. Because of the way I'm "blocked", I lost motivation to clean myself and take a rest. Now I keep smelling body odor, to the point that I know that I'm in deep shit. The lack of sleep isn't going to help me get out of this mess I have created subconsciously.
Just start picturing me of some homeless shaved guy typing away on the keyboard. I'm that filthy.