Intro to a Novel

[DogOfHavoc]

This is the introduction for a novel I'm considering writing about a group of friends who live in a not-to-distant future and work to overthrow adespotic regime controlling America. Thoughts?

Spoiler

Ten thousand pounds of plastic explosive mushroomed up from the rubble of the Capital Building. Millions of tons of concrete,marble, and assorted human body parts rained down from above. Looking up, I saw a human fist clenched tightly soaring through the air. The ring seared on it’s finger was clear as day; a rooster ,of all things, engraved in it. I probably would have vomited if I wasn’t so busy cheering. In fact, I don’t remember if I could hear the crackling of the flames. All around me twenty year old boys were cheering so loudly it drowned out everything else. Kyle was the only one silent. It’s not that he was upset about the destruction. That’s not quite what I saw in his eyes. It was if... Well, I don’t think Kyle heard the cheering. Even moreso, he was deaf to the flames. He was staring at the inferno. To him the fire was already gone. Instead of seeing the dancing flames we all cheered, he saw the ash, and in that ash he did not see what he had expected. He saw nothing.

I’m not sure who moved first, it might have been Jay, but someone caught him as he fell. What was it? Was it the way he fell? How did I know as I ran towards him that he had not merely fainted, or passed out. How did I know that the countless weeks of planning through the night, had not merely caught up to him, that he was sleeping? How did I know that Kyle Washington, leader of the revolution, hope of the masses, was dead. He lay there in the dirt, his body limp, his strong hearbeat gone. My cheeks burned, I would have cried if I still knew how to. The cheering had stopped. They, like me, had realized without Kyle, all we were cheering for was fire. As I, along with the others, lifted Kyle’s body out of the dirt, the detonator fell from his hand. I tried to figure out what led up to this moment, why it had to happen the way it did. My conclusion was unsettling. I discovered why it had to happen that way, and the truth was, it didn’t.

 

[Varine]

Need to work on the grammar. And how would they get five tons of plastic explosives into the Capital Building?

 

[DogOfHavoc]

This starts at the end, the story leads up to the the destruction of the capitol.

 

[Varine]

I don't understand. This is the introduction but it starts at the end?

 

[Zakyath]

isn't that very usual? Starting with the end, then showing how everything led to it...

 

[DogOfHavoc]

It's a common literary practice. By starting at the chronological end, you establish the fact that the "journey is more important that the destination"

 

[thewrongvine]

I think you should change the wording for the first 2 sentences.
The first one goes "ten thousand..." and the second one goes "million of tons..." if you get what I mean. It's like overlapping words like:

4 Days later it happened. Hundreds of zombies arrived at our town. Thousands of soldiers came to protect us. Millions of aliens suddenly appeared from the sky.

But it's pretty cool. Good luck! :thup: