Larvik The Lost

[duyen]

This was a poem I wrote for a school project, I had to write a ballad.

(I wrote this in roughly 35 minutes)

Spoiler

Larvik the Lost

Larvik was a fair man,
But all night he did mourn,
As his lady was to marry a man he did scorn,
Alas, poor Larvik, poor Larvik was alone.

Larvik knew what he had to do,
He simply could not let her go,
He knew he had to kill, to get her from his foe,
Alas, poor Larvik, poor Larvik was alone.

Larvik packed up,
To find the one he loved,
And to kill, to get away from the one who bugged,
Alas, poor Larvik, poor Larvik was alone.

He set out the next morning,
Revolver in hand,
To get his love, to demand,
Alas, poor Larvik, poor Larvik was alone.

He strode into her house,
Found her with her “man”.
He cocked the revolver with his hand,
Alas, poor Larvik, poor Larvik was alone.

He pulled the trigger,
Causing her to fall with a cry,
Now he turned the revolver toward himself with a sigh,
Alas, poor Larvik, poor Larvik, he died.

 

[thewrongvine]

...what an amazing poem... and sad

so the woman died and then he killed himself?

good job.

 

[duyen]

so the woman died and then he killed himself?

He killed the women, and then yes, he killed himself.

...what an amazing poem... and sad

Thanks

 

[duyen]

bump, no more feedback?

 

[Daskunk]

That guy needs to learn how to aim. Too late now that he's dead, I suppose.

Pretty good poem, I dont really have much to say about it.

 

[duyen]

>That guy needs to learn how to aim. Too late now that he's dead, I suppose.

I really hope that was sarcasm.

>Pretty good poem, I dont really have much to say about it.

Thanks

 

[Daskunk]

>That guy needs to learn how to aim. Too late now that he's dead, I suppose.

I really hope that was sarcasm.

He ment to hit the guy, right? But he hit the girl instead, right? If so, Im not sarcastic at all! Seems like thats a common mistake, I would think he would learn from other peoples examples... o.0

 

[Ninva]

That's a good poem. Please don't use your age as an excuse next time. You certainly don't have to.

 

[Fatmankev]

Ah, I like it. I was upset at first, because I was sure that you'd said that he was gonna kill the guy at first, but when I read through it I realized that he never stated who he was going to shoot. Anyway, way to go, and good job keeping it short. It's much easier for me to read poetry when it isn't too long, and when it does have some sort of rhyme scheme.

Anywho, nice job.

 

[duyen]

thewrongvine:

>He ment to hit the guy, right?

Err no, he meant to hit the girl >.<

Ninva:

>That's a good poem.

Thanks

>Please don't use your age as an excuse next time.

Sorry, removed.

Fatmankev:

>I was upset at first, because I was sure that you'd said that he was gonna kill the guy at first, but when I read through it I realized that he never stated who he was going to shoot.

Yeah that's how I planned it

>Anyway, way to go, and good job keeping it short.

Thanks

 

[Daskunk]

Larvik knew what he had to do,
He simply could not let her go,
He knew he had to kill, to get her from his foe,
Alas, poor Larvik, poor Larvik was alone.

I took that to mean get her from his foe, not remove her from all existance.

He set out the next morning,
Revolver in hand,
To get his love, to demand,
Alas, poor Larvik, poor Larvik was alone.

To demand what? To bad guy hand him over? Apparently, demand she sit still while he shoots.

He pulled the trigger,
Causing her to fall with a cry,
Now he turned the revolver toward himself with a sigh,
Alas, poor Larvik, poor Larvik, he died.

I took all that to mean it was a accident that made him upset so he killed himself.

Wich is why I thought he missed. It doesn't make it worse or better, I suppose if thats what you ment to do you did a good job though.. o.0

 

[duyen]

>I took that to mean get her from his foe, not remove her from all existance.

No, his intention all along was to kill her and himself. If he killed the guy, he would be arrested and they would never be together.

>I took that to mean get her from his foe, not remove her from all existance.

Once she was dead, she was indeed away from the foe.

>To demand what? To bad guy hand him over? Apparently, demand she sit still while he shoots.

To demand her back.

 

[Daskunk]

No, his intention all along was to kill her and himself. If he killed the guy, he would be arrested and they would never be together.

He would still be arrested this way and still be just as worse off, 'cept the guy might kill him instead of going to jail..

 

[duyen]

He couldn't be arrested as he killed himself >.<

Also: I added more to the post.

 

[Daskunk]

I suppose it does make some sense that way..

BTW, you say you made it for school? What did they think of it?

 

[duyen]

>BTW, you say you made it for school? What did they think of it?

I dunno, I didn't get it back from my English teacher yet.