Lyrics-Her(First Song-Lyrics, I ever Wrote)

Metal425

New Member
Echoes Dying
Children Crying
I walk this road
Along the path of suicide
I see her in the distance
Waiting here for me
I see her crying
With agony
I walk down the path
but she's still standing here
I said
Why oh Why
Did I have to
Break the truth
She's there now
and I'm here
waiting...

Written by Metal425

First Song I wrote.
Only took me 5 minutes.
Give me your thoughts,
and any advice.
 

Ninva

Анна Ахматова
It's not bad, but it seems like you cramped a bunch of Green Day songs into one poem. Aim for uniqueness in your next publication.
 

esb

Because none of us are as cruel as all of us.
Well it's short :p Looks more like a poem but it's just picky me.

Um, what I didn't like the most is the I's. Could rplace it (the line) or simply removed it(the I's).

Not bad I guess =D
 

Zakyath

Member
First to rows I honestly thought you'd ripped off one of my song lyrics :p

well, for being written in five minutes it's pretty good. you don't manage to make the subject so interesting, though
 
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