Lyrics-Her(First Song-Lyrics, I ever Wrote)

Metal425

New Member
Reaction score
7
Echoes Dying
Children Crying
I walk this road
Along the path of suicide
I see her in the distance
Waiting here for me
I see her crying
With agony
I walk down the path
but she's still standing here
I said
Why oh Why
Did I have to
Break the truth
She's there now
and I'm here
waiting...

Written by Metal425

First Song I wrote.
Only took me 5 minutes.
Give me your thoughts,
and any advice.
 

Ninva

Анна Ахматова
Reaction score
377
It's not bad, but it seems like you cramped a bunch of Green Day songs into one poem. Aim for uniqueness in your next publication.
 

esb

Because none of us are as cruel as all of us.
Reaction score
328
Well it's short :p Looks more like a poem but it's just picky me.

Um, what I didn't like the most is the I's. Could rplace it (the line) or simply removed it(the I's).

Not bad I guess =D
 

Zakyath

Member
Reaction score
239
First to rows I honestly thought you'd ripped off one of my song lyrics :p

well, for being written in five minutes it's pretty good. you don't manage to make the subject so interesting, though
 
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