mindless tirade

Ninva

Анна Ахматова
Listen to the rain of the urban sprawl.
Here in Chicago, mighty folks fall.
It's a ring in the air -- that echoes far.
God knows that you outta crawl.

The city night was never silent, and so my mind resigned to speaking. And it spoke for hours, keeping me awake past the hours -- waiting for something, not sure what but something big. I bit my finger tips, and I took another stab:

Damn thou winter blast.
You speak so harsh,
But not doth thy pen...

What am I doing? I thought. I yawned, but it was a vain yawn -- the type you do when your girlfriend looks at you. It's that type of nervousness that gets me late at night when I'm alone. I listened to the dull haze of night.

Uuuuuuuoooo.

I twas a drawn out upsilon -- as if bended by time and speed, to be elongated and in waves. I wrote something again, but it was nothing but a mindless tirade.
 

DM Cross

You want to see a magic trick?
Staff member
Line 4, you may have meant the word "oughta"... Outta, to my knowledge is used like "I'm outta here" whereas you seemed to be trying to use slang to say "ought to". Might just be me, or maybe even an intentional misuse for the sake of the character.

You seemed to mix styles of older English and modern English. Words like "twas" and "thou" with regular, modern speaking and honestly, not sure if I liked the mix. I think it's a bit too obvious where the lines are, I don't think it blended as well as you probably could.

I still liked it, the flow of the first stanza was truly well done. I said it out loud at work like a nitwit and everyone stared at me, but still, I liked it.
 
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    I really do not want to move to California otherwise I might consider it.
  • The Helper The Helper:
    yeah California is not anywhere you really want to live
  • The Helper The Helper:
    That is why I did not take the job Blizzard offered me back in the day, there is no way I could have moved my family there on what they were offering, not even close and that was like 20 years ago
  • The Helper The Helper:
    yeah they wanted me on the tech support team when they did not get me they got one of the next MVPs in Dinobot
  • The Helper The Helper:
    Dinobot was one of the youngest of the MVPs tkron probably could have worked for Blizzard but he had a good job in Chicago doing business programming already
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    Dinobot probably still works for Blizzard would love to reconnect with that guy
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    Wargasm is still around. He works for the domain registrar where thehelper.net is kept.
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    I have not seen him on lately the forum says he was last on 2 years ago
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    How are you doing Varine have not seen you around in a minute
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    lol I live in CA
  • thewrongvine thewrongvine:
    I've got some friends in animation department who have been applying for Blizzard, doing interviews and such. They said the workplace seems nice, though now it'd be all remote work I suppose
  • The Helper The Helper:
    good for them I live close to Austin and am trying to get my kids interested in getting into Games but not having much luck. I would never let them move to Cali.
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    unless it was huge money
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    and even then with the taxes I really could never let them move there
  • thewrongvine thewrongvine:
    Haha fair enough, I have no interest in CA at all as a living place either. Really only here just for the work in LA, but hopefully once I get settled enough in my work, I can move out
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    +1
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    " a traditionally-sized California family of one person ":cool:
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