My first actual poem...

M

Master Mazer

Guest
Well... go ahead and lough but i suck at poetry and i suck at rymeing so what ever... Heres all i got....


I say one thing to you today
Today i leave after what i say
I say right now you must be glad
To have such tallent lad.​

I also have...

I say 1 thing today,
Today that 1 thing is to say
Thankyou for Reading today
As i say goodbye untill a later day.​

i know they suck but... at least i try...
I cant think of anything but those so i jsut build off of

I say 1 thing today​
I dont know nofin else...
 
hortononon

hortononon

"I give em the hip then I take it away"-Jim Thorpe
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not bad for your very first attempt, just keep practicing and ull get better, try using a little more depth, and get more into ur poems... make it flow also,
but gj :)
 
Halahan

Halahan

To die will be an awfully big adventure.
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Think less of rhyming it, more of flowing it. Everything relates to a main idea, true, but you can have other stories and rivers that link to the one main idea. Use new words that you would use almost naturally... make it flow.

"I say 1 thing today,
Today that 1 thing is to say
Thankyou for Reading today
As i say goodbye untill a later day."

you use a form of day three times in a four line stanza... just doesn't sound good. not sure about you're main idea either.. I'll try off the top of my head making something up for what I think is you're idea, as in you're breaking up with a women or some such?

One word only blows past my lips,
A day long gone that were ready to kiss,

alright, I can't get past that line cause I really can't see what you're saying and its hard to write about something that you're only getting a vague description from and don't really know what its about.
What miffs me is that you don't really understand what you're saying yet you don't even use any metephors or relations or different subject lines or what not.
See how mine makes you kind of think and doesn't really rhyme but still flows?
thats not really a very good example... hortononon's poem that one I think it was the second poetry contest is a good example of this.

"The reasons we do right and wrong
Evil lies within us
Some rise above it, others are caught
They're fish who grab for bait

They have a choice to stay or run
A stranger holds a gift
To run will free you of the darkness
To stay you have the gift

Something makes you wonder on
Something makes you yearn
You stay because of evil's clutch
You let it take your mind

This thing will show through all of life
It cannot be contained
It can be scratched, it can be scarred
But never will it end"

It doesn't rhyme, but it still flows, which is the main point I'm trying to get across.

But Keep the story moving, try to have some metephors and relations, don't speak it to plainly, keep a rhythm and don't make the rhyming forced!

You're obviously a bit new at poetry writing, which everyone has been once. Don't get down over this, Your better then the average person. just work on it. Gj
 
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