My ''own'' bag of jokes

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Crusher

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This is now my own little ''forum of jokes'' i think this is the best way like this...:eek:

Here is some joke's: (will be posted every new post in this content)



A fellow was reading the paper one day lamenting the fact that his doctor has ordered him to lose 75 pounds. Next thing he sees is an advertisement for a guaranteed weight loss program. Guaranteed like heck, he thinks to himself. But lets see what they think they can do. He calls them on the phone and subscribes to the 3 day, 10 LB weight loss program.

The next day there comes a knock at his door, and when he answers, there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nikes and a sign hanging around her neck. She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company. The sign reads, If you can catch me, you can have me. Well, without a second thought he takes off after her (like who wouldn't). A few miles later, huffing and puffing, he finally catches her and has his way with her. After they are through he kisses the girl one last time and thinks to himself with a nod, I like the way this company does business.

For the next two days, the same girl shows up and the same thing happens each time. On the fourth day, he weighs himself and, sure enough, he has lost 10 pounds. Deciding that he likes his somewhat more slender physique, not to mention the method of treatment, he calls the company back and subscribes to their 5 day, 20 LB weight loss program. He thinks that losing 20 pounds in only 5 days seems like a lot, but he is intrigued by what their workout schedule might be like this time.

As expected, the next day there comes a knock at his door. When he answers it there stands a 22 year old knockout dressed in nothing but a pair of Reeboks and a sign hanging around her neck. She is simply stunning, the most beautiful woman he has ever seen. She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company. The sign reads, If you can catch me, you can have me. He's out the door like a shot. This gal is in excellent shape and it takes a while to catch her. But when he does, it is worth every cramp and wheeze. She is wonderful, the best he has ever had. He is really looking forward to the next four days... For the next four days, the same girl shows up and the same thing happens each time, much to his delight. On the sixth day, he weighs himself and, unbelievably, he has lost another 20 pounds. I love this company, he thinks to himself, I never knew losing weight could be so easy and so much fun.

Feeling much better about himself, he decides to go for broke and subscribe to the companies 7 day, 50 pound weight loss program. Are you sure, sir? asks the representative on the phone. This is our most rigorous program. Absolutely, says he, I love your program. haven't felt this good in years! The next day there comes a knock at his door and he enthusiastically answers it. There stands before him a 200 pound perfect specimen of a man dressed in nothing but racing spikes and a sign around his neck. He introduces himself as a representative of the weight loss company.

The sign reads, If I can catch you, I can have you.:eek:
 

Crusher

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Joke_
A man and a woman meet at a bar one day and are getting along really well. They decide to go back to the woman’s house where they engage in passionate love making.

Suddenly, just as they are reaching the climax, they hear a noise at the door and the woman says, “Oh God! My husband is home early. Quick, go and hide in the bathroom!”

The husband comes up into the bedroom and looks at her. “Why are you in bed and naked in the middle of the afternoon?” he asks suspiciously.

The woman smiles and says sweetly, “Well, I heard you pull up outside, so I thought I would come up here and get ready!”

“Ah, Ok then,” the husband replies, “but I must use the bathroom first.”

Before his wife can stop him, he opens the bathroom door and is greeted by the naked man standing there clapping his hands.

“Who the hell are you!” the husband asks.

“I’m from the extermination company. Your wife called me in to get rid of the moths you are having trouble with.”

The husband, almost purple with rage, exclaims, “Then why you are naked!”

The man then looks down at himself and exclaims, “Those little bastards!”:cool:
 

Crusher

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Q. What do you call two fat men having a chat?
A. A heavy discussion.:)
 

Rad

...
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I don't think so. It was suggested to start his own by TH - and he does like to make alot. That last one was good though, did you really make it up? Good job
 

sjakie

Cookie Be Awesome!
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And what if more joke-spitting mammals pop up?
Will they all have to make their own joke thread?
Just make a general one, cmon.
 

Crusher

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warcraft jokes 10 litlle jokes

1How many Gnomes does it take to paint your wall? It depends on how hard you throw them.


2 So, a Tauren in full Lightforge armor walks into a bar. The barman says "Holy cow."


3 Why did the Tauren cross the street? To get to the udder side.


4 The alliance killed a Shaman and Blizzard shut down the server to investigate.

5 What do you call a gnome in a kodos-herd? Roadkill!

6 What's the difference between a Gnome and a trampoline? You take your shoes off to jump on a trampoline.


7 What's the difference between a run-over critter and a run-over Gnome? There's skid marks before the critter.


8 What do you call 50 Gnomes at the bottom of Loch Modan? A good start.

9 How do you make a Gnome drink ? Put it in the liquidizer for 10 minutes...

10 What's the difference between a Gnome and a basketball? You don't kick a basketball... :D

Hope these are great i can't stop laughing even now :)
 

Crusher

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yo mama jokes!(LOL not your mom thought) :p

Yo mamma so stupid, she tried to commit suicide by jumping out her basement window.

Yo mamma so fat, every time she turns around its her b-day!!!

Yo mamma so ugly when she was born, your mother said, "What a treasure!" and your father said, "Yea lets go bury it".

Yo mamma so ugly, she got arrested for mooning when she looked out a window


Yo mama's so fat she had her ears pierced by harpoon.


Yo mama's so fat she needs a watch on both arms because she covers two time zones.


Yo mama's so fat she needs a hula hoop to keep up her socks.


yo mama's so fat when she goes to a restaurant she doesn't get a menu, she gets an estimate.

Yo mama's so fat, she sets off car alarms when she runs.


yo mama's so fat, when she fell in love she broke it

this isn't insulting any of your moms and don't take this personal,take it as joke :rolleyes:
 

sjakie

Cookie Be Awesome!
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Hehe, I love mamma jokes! Especialy the fat ones.
I once had a fat mamma fight with some people, we were yelling things like: Yo mamma is so fat, oil spurts out of the ground when she wears heels. Or: Yo mamma is so fat, it took me 3 days to climb her.

I believe there is even a program thats called yo mamma, all into the yo mamma jokes.:rolleyes:
 

Crusher

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Q:What is defference between man and Superman?
A:Man wears underwear under the trouser and superman wears it over the trouser.
 

Hero

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There all hilarious.

But of them all..

This is my favorite

Yo mamma so stupid, she tried to commit suicide by jumping out her basement window.
 

Crusher

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Short jokes
1
Q:What did the Atlantic ocean say to the Indian ocean?
A:Try and be more Pacific!

3
Q:Why did the chicken cross the road?
A:To get to the other side.

4
Q:What do you call an intellegent, sensitive, and good looking man?
A:A rumour

5
There were 7 dwarfs in a shower all feeling happy, but then happy got out so they started feeling grumpy instead!
 
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