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Discussion in 'The Writer's Corner' started by hortononon, Jul 29, 2007.
oops, liked the poem so much didn't see that.
Despair of Mankind?
I'm working at a poem that might fit. I'll post it if I finish it within the deadline.
Do you have to give your poem a title?
Great. That's my weak spot.
Halahan is the closest, but its' much more specific ^_^
People were thinking too broad with the apacolypse.
What's in the apacolypse? ^_^
What is a despair of mankind?
What can change a life so drastically that the person becomes empty?
I never posted anything here
i give up...
Halahan will get it sooner or later..
Comment deleted due to some harshness.
A clash of styles is never the true way to go. There are many styles in the world. It is in no one's right to force their own style on to another.
okay here's mine..
And unchanging ways.
Surviving the feelings,
Concurring the meanings.
She has no where to go,
No place to hide.
And repeated fights.
She tries to move on.
To live in a better life.
I tried fixing it. I do less of a song, more of a poem. And I know poems still need rhythm, and I think it has that.
btw, good poem trustfactor.
Comment deleted due to harshness again.
Once again, nobody has the right to try and force their own style on to another. Everyone should be allowed to blossom into their own unique flower =)
This post was not a flame in any way. Neither were the others. It was still quite rude.
Once again, everyone has their own set of symbols they enjoy to use, etc. It is up to them to decide.
one word can change the entire meaning and feeling to a poem....
to change that one word changes the essence..
the words should be up to the poet, not the critics.
I'm not giving up, but your still making me mad
the first four lines. there own seperate thing. it has its own rhythm, such as.
We face a Juggernaut,
They slowly advance,
Our People Distraught.
In a non-rhythmic dance.
Boom Boom BoomBoom,
Boom Boom BoomBoom
Boom Boom BoomBoom
Boom Boom Boomboom boomb
Read just these lines, I think it has rhythm. I'm going to revise it and look at what you wrote... still... I think your being a little mean.
They face an enemy...
the people are distraught..
running around in terror...
that all relates perfectly.
then a like a two line plee.
then e metephorical one line.
"We face a Juggernaut,
They slowly advance, - Weak Line... They makes it weak, slowly breaks up the poem
Our People Distraught. - Continues a rhythm set by line 2 taht breaks from line 1. Line 1 should be the main factor of this stanza, not line 2. If throws off everything else =)
In a non-rhythmic dance. - Good imagery etc, but I suggest something that more resembles line 1. Line 1 is like a major statement. This is like a whimsical lyric."
See, the first line is the main thing. then what there doing, (I see how its weak now) then what the first line is causing for the next two. it all relates to the first.
That breedlings seedlings things... as in their children...
I'm not just describing one day, its the war in general.
Responding to that entire thing is just going to take to long and make to long a post, I'll read it though.
I think its a good poem, which is odd, usually the writer is modest with diehard fans. you guys really put a damper on things.
I'm just trying to explain to you where I'm coming from.
I don't write to much poetry, I'm more of a novel kind of guy, which by the by, check out my story Remembrance should be at the bottom of the page right now.
Gj by the way, I read you entire thing and you got me so depressed I feel like just deleting the entire poem and making another one
By the way how old are you?
That poem has not been submitted yet henceforth : D
Death is life Changing
Because the greatest change to anything is if it ends ^^
One ending is another beginning. literally.
tell ye if anyone gets confused bout that
this talked about forming a natural image and developing a story out of it. Once again, this is a style. I think it's a very beautiful style and a very difficult style, but then again, that is my own opinion.
Opinion is what can cause a war
It's been deleted due to this
Halahan, follow your dreams and write how you want to write
Well... that was the second poem I've written in a year. your five years older then me too....
thanks for the advice, but I can deal
cmon more entries
:shades: ULTRA BUMP OF POETRY
Was a cocky post and was somewhat harsh...
To be proud of your work is a good thing, but to be bragging about it etc is not so good.
Everyone deserves a chance in the light.
Hortonon - please PM me on August 20th to remind me about this, or I might forget.
Anyways, good job so far to everyone who entered, and good luck.