Poetry Contest 3

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Halahan

To die will be an awfully big adventure.
oops, liked the poem so much didn't see that.

Despair of Mankind?
 

Zakyath

Member
I'm working at a poem that might fit. I'll post it if I finish it within the deadline.

Do you have to give your poem a title? :p
 
Halahan is the closest, but its' much more specific ^_^

People were thinking too broad with the apacolypse.

What's in the apacolypse? ^_^

What is a despair of mankind?

What can change a life so drastically that the person becomes empty?
 
Comment deleted due to some harshness.

A clash of styles is never the true way to go. There are many styles in the world. It is in no one's right to force their own style on to another.
 

TrustFactor

New Member
okay here's mine..

Untitled

Inevitable thought
And unchanging ways.
Surviving the feelings,
Concurring the meanings.
She has no where to go,
No place to hide.
Endless nights
And repeated fights.
She tries to move on.
To live in a better life.
 

Halahan

To die will be an awfully big adventure.
I tried fixing it. I do less of a song, more of a poem. And I know poems still need rhythm, and I think it has that.
btw, good poem trustfactor.
 
Comment deleted due to harshness again.

Once again, nobody has the right to try and force their own style on to another. Everyone should be allowed to blossom into their own unique flower =)
 
This post was not a flame in any way. Neither were the others. It was still quite rude.

Once again, everyone has their own set of symbols they enjoy to use, etc. It is up to them to decide.

one word can change the entire meaning and feeling to a poem....

to change that one word changes the essence..

the words should be up to the poet, not the critics.
 

Halahan

To die will be an awfully big adventure.
I'm not giving up, but your still making me mad :mad:

the first four lines. there own seperate thing. it has its own rhythm, such as.
We face a Juggernaut,
They slowly advance,
Our People Distraught.
In a non-rhythmic dance.
Boom Boom BoomBoom,
Boom Boom BoomBoom
Boom Boom BoomBoom
Boom Boom Boomboom boomb

Read just these lines, I think it has rhythm. I'm going to revise it and look at what you wrote... still... I think your being a little mean.

They face an enemy...
they're advancing,
the people are distraught..
running around in terror...
that all relates perfectly.

then a like a two line plee.

then e metephorical one line.

"We face a Juggernaut,

They slowly advance, - Weak Line... They makes it weak, slowly breaks up the poem

Our People Distraught. - Continues a rhythm set by line 2 taht breaks from line 1. Line 1 should be the main factor of this stanza, not line 2. If throws off everything else =)

In a non-rhythmic dance. - Good imagery etc, but I suggest something that more resembles line 1. Line 1 is like a major statement. This is like a whimsical lyric."

See, the first line is the main thing. then what there doing, (I see how its weak now) then what the first line is causing for the next two. it all relates to the first.

That breedlings seedlings things... as in their children...

I'm not just describing one day, its the war in general.

Responding to that entire thing is just going to take to long and make to long a post, I'll read it though.

I think its a good poem, which is odd, usually the writer is modest with diehard fans. :D you guys really put a damper on things.

I'm just trying to explain to you where I'm coming from.

I don't write to much poetry, I'm more of a novel kind of guy, which by the by, check out my story Remembrance should be at the bottom of the page right now.

Gj by the way, I read you entire thing and you got me so depressed I feel like just deleting the entire poem and making another one

By the way how old are you?


That poem has not been submitted yet henceforth : D
 

Halahan

To die will be an awfully big adventure.
One ending is another beginning. literally.
tell ye if anyone gets confused bout that
 
this talked about forming a natural image and developing a story out of it. Once again, this is a style. I think it's a very beautiful style and a very difficult style, but then again, that is my own opinion.

Opinion is what can cause a war

It's been deleted due to this

Halahan, follow your dreams and write how you want to write
 

Halahan

To die will be an awfully big adventure.
Well... that was the second poem I've written in a year. your five years older then me too....
thanks for the advice, but I can deal ;)
 
Was a cocky post and was somewhat harsh...

To be proud of your work is a good thing, but to be bragging about it etc is not so good.

Everyone deserves a chance in the light.
 
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