And unchanging ways.
Surviving the feelings,
Concurring the meanings.
She has no where to go,
No place to hide.
And repeated fights.
She tries to move on.
To live in a better life.
the first four lines. there own seperate thing. it has its own rhythm, such as.
We face a Juggernaut,
They slowly advance,
Our People Distraught.
In a non-rhythmic dance.
Boom Boom BoomBoom,
Boom Boom BoomBoom
Boom Boom BoomBoom
Boom Boom Boomboom boomb
Read just these lines, I think it has rhythm. I'm going to revise it and look at what you wrote... still... I think your being a little mean.
They face an enemy...
the people are distraught..
running around in terror...
that all relates perfectly.
then a like a two line plee.
then e metephorical one line.
"We face a Juggernaut,
They slowly advance, - Weak Line... They makes it weak, slowly breaks up the poem
Our People Distraught. - Continues a rhythm set by line 2 taht breaks from line 1. Line 1 should be the main factor of this stanza, not line 2. If throws off everything else =)
In a non-rhythmic dance. - Good imagery etc, but I suggest something that more resembles line 1. Line 1 is like a major statement. This is like a whimsical lyric."
See, the first line is the main thing. then what there doing, (I see how its weak now) then what the first line is causing for the next two. it all relates to the first.
That breedlings seedlings things... as in their children...
I'm not just describing one day, its the war in general.
Responding to that entire thing is just going to take to long and make to long a post, I'll read it though.
I think its a good poem, which is odd, usually the writer is modest with diehard fans. you guys really put a damper on things.
I'm just trying to explain to you where I'm coming from.
I don't write to much poetry, I'm more of a novel kind of guy, which by the by, check out my story Remembrance should be at the bottom of the page right now.
Gj by the way, I read you entire thing and you got me so depressed I feel like just deleting the entire poem and making another one
By the way how old are you?
That poem has not been submitted yet henceforth : D
this talked about forming a natural image and developing a story out of it. Once again, this is a style. I think it's a very beautiful style and a very difficult style, but then again, that is my own opinion.
Opinion is what can cause a war
It's been deleted due to this
Halahan, follow your dreams and write how you want to write
I only played the Pokemon games on the Gamecube and Wii and such not on the portables my kids had all those games but I never really played on the portables. Now that I think about maybe once sooooo long ago.