Inevitable thought
And unchanging ways.
Surviving the feelings,
Concurring the meanings.
She has no where to go,
No place to hide.
Endless nights
And repeated fights.
She tries to move on.
To live in a better life.
the first four lines. there own seperate thing. it has its own rhythm, such as.
We face a Juggernaut,
They slowly advance,
Our People Distraught.
In a non-rhythmic dance.
Boom Boom BoomBoom,
Boom Boom BoomBoom
Boom Boom BoomBoom
Boom Boom Boomboom boomb
Read just these lines, I think it has rhythm. I'm going to revise it and look at what you wrote... still... I think your being a little mean.
They face an enemy...
they're advancing,
the people are distraught..
running around in terror...
that all relates perfectly.
then a like a two line plee.
then e metephorical one line.
"We face a Juggernaut,
They slowly advance, - Weak Line... They makes it weak, slowly breaks up the poem
Our People Distraught. - Continues a rhythm set by line 2 taht breaks from line 1. Line 1 should be the main factor of this stanza, not line 2. If throws off everything else =)
In a non-rhythmic dance. - Good imagery etc, but I suggest something that more resembles line 1. Line 1 is like a major statement. This is like a whimsical lyric."
See, the first line is the main thing. then what there doing, (I see how its weak now) then what the first line is causing for the next two. it all relates to the first.
That breedlings seedlings things... as in their children...
I'm not just describing one day, its the war in general.
Responding to that entire thing is just going to take to long and make to long a post, I'll read it though.
I think its a good poem, which is odd, usually the writer is modest with diehard fans. you guys really put a damper on things.
I'm just trying to explain to you where I'm coming from.
I don't write to much poetry, I'm more of a novel kind of guy, which by the by, check out my story Remembrance should be at the bottom of the page right now.
Gj by the way, I read you entire thing and you got me so depressed I feel like just deleting the entire poem and making another one
By the way how old are you?
That poem has not been submitted yet henceforth : D
this talked about forming a natural image and developing a story out of it. Once again, this is a style. I think it's a very beautiful style and a very difficult style, but then again, that is my own opinion.
Opinion is what can cause a war
It's been deleted due to this
Halahan, follow your dreams and write how you want to write
It'll be good practice at least, I did a bunch of practice boards the last few weeks but that's a bit different than actual repair. It's pretty obvious what's going on with those, so it's not very hard to trace the leads, and they aren't designed with faults so
Site is peaking on traffic for the recipes - Sundays are always the big days and we are 200 plus unique visitors an hour right now and it will be like that probably be around 3000 total on the site all day maybe more if Google desires it LOL
Anyway I have a power bench that I don't actually know how to use, but I'm assuming I can take the battery out and power it directly from that to see if any of them turn on.
If you had kids like me that grew up in that era you could just go to your closet and fish out one of the cords from the cord bag. I bet I have everyone of those cord connectors plus some