Poetry

[TrustFactor]

I'm not that good but I'd like for some opinions.

[Untitled]

Time and time again...
There is always a mishap,
a bump in the road,
a challenge that needs to be faced.
Time and time again...
The change is inevitable,
a ravaged ruin,
a break in the seal.
Time and time again...
You have to make a wise decision,
a change in time,
a change in life.
Time and time again...
You have to change yourself.
But in the end
there is no difference.
You can't change
even if it maybe for the better.
There is no change.

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this is an old one..


Bad Government

The government
Corrupted and bruised
Out strung on self reliance
Tainted by its enemies
Self loathing on the wounded
Not appreciative of ourselves
The government
Such a sad self pitied thing
No help for the need but more help for the loathes
Our government
What a waste

this one too (opinions are well appreciated)

The Fake.

Tear it apart
Tear all of it apart
Take my self-esteem with you
Break me, bruise me but you cant hurt me
The things you say mean nothing to me
You’re worthless and pathetic
Check again to see who’s the fake
It sure isn’t me
Maybe its you
Check yourself my dear
Make sure you’re not the fake
The fake you claim I am
Denied by the truth
You are the fake

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this ones really old but i think its good

[Lost]

i've lost
all trust in myself
ive lost
all belief in myself
ive lost myself

in this world of mess
[what a bloody mess...]

such a bloody mess
this mess ive become
[goodbye cruel world]

my mess is no longer yours
remember me not
forget me so

but don’t forget
[what a bloody mess]
a mess i was

 

[hortononon]

i dont know much about poetry but some of that doesnt make sense,

i dont like it, but only because i only like rhyming poetry,

other people will probably say its good, so dont get your hopes down

 

[TrustFactor]

thanks for the advice

 

[Miz]

i dont know much about poetry but some of that doesnt make sense,

i dont like it, but only because i only like rhyming poetry,

other people will probably say its good, so dont get your hopes down

well I'm a good poet so I know that hes talking about life
very easy to understand but

Poetry is all about writers freedom no rules, no worries
If theres anything to improve on is I think put it in the center ^^ I like that

[Untitled]

time and time again
there is always a mishap
a bump in the road
a challenge that needs to be faced
time and time again
the change is inevitable
a ravaged ruin
a break in the seal
time and time again
you have to make a wise decision
a change in time
a change in life
time and time again
you have to change yourself
but in the end
there is no difference
you can't change
even if it maybe for the better
there is no change​

 

[TrustFactor]

okay. thanks for the advice.

 

[Zakyath]

Centrated? Ew

Use capital letters

Not only, of course...

 

[TrustFactor]

okay

 

[TrustFactor]

more poems are up.

 

[Zakyath]

Didn't like the last ones so much. To be honest they wasn't deep at all. I get your opinion but there's no written beauty in it. Try again. Try harder. Never give up

 

[TrustFactor]

thanks..

 

[TheDamien]

Quite good. I never liked poetry, I think feelings and opinions are too trivial to merit something that, it seems, is supposed to be "deep". Like I said though, very good compared to other poetry of it's type/origin.

 

[TrustFactor]

well thank you i appreciate it

 

[TrustFactor]

another poem is up.

 

[Halahan]

Alright, here goes.

The first poem is pretty good until the last three lines, because you say "there is no difference" but then it seems to repetitive by the last three lines, try taking those out, but probably consult someone else before you do, seeing as thats just one opinion.

Bad Government I don't like, it seems like your trying to make it seem very deep and meaningful, which would be almost impossible on that subject. A bit to many metaphors for such a solid thing.

The third one, its good (again) until the end, when it seems like your slowly saying she might be the fake and then saying she is the fake, take out the last two lines, so where its just "Make sure your not the fake, the fake you claim I am" Done. sounds much better that way, so its not like your debating in the poem.

Lost is probably my favorite, or the first. take out the parentheses, otherwise not much advise on that one. Oh, capitalize your I's.

Overall, 7/10