Monsterous
In the Shadows, Lurking.
- Reaction score
- 99
So, i wanted to write something based on time control, and as i wrote the first "area", i wanted to know what you guys thought of the two people.
Do note, this is a first draft. I would write more description wise etc etc, but this is just developing the speech.
Three questions:
1. What characteristics do you think the two "voices" are? Cocky? Arrogant? Bright? Dumb?
2. How is the speech structure? Im still trying to get it right D:
3. When the kid is introduced, should i add some actions to the characters here? My take on this was that the reader would view the scene as nothing, just blackness. When the actions come in, you can see stuff, but its still dark. When the light comes from the end of the tunnel, then i would add description - as if the reader is in the train.
I hope you'll enjoy and answer my questions :3
Do note, this is a first draft. I would write more description wise etc etc, but this is just developing the speech.
............“Time manipulation, oh the wonders of it. No consequence, no boundaries, no laws. Provided you return everything back to normal by reversing time itself; you can do anything. Whack a guy, steal something, break something apart, it doesn’t matter with a simple reversal. Of course, you could always help others with such a power; without them knowing of course. Imagine, a heavy object falls onto someone. You fortunately stop time, and prevent that object from falling in the first place. It’s like a superhero without recognition. “
An apple was thrown into the air, followed by a clicking noise – and then silence.
“There’s three golden rules we all eventually learn. Usually through experience, sometimes through sheer common sense. Golden rule one: Don’t create a paradox. If you do, time is forced to reverse itself and you may, or may not, catastrophically be twisted and or dead. Golden rule two: Don’t draw attention. Nobody needs to see you be in one place then another in an instant.”
............“Ooooookay... what’s the third golden rule?”
............“Oh, the third rule? Don’t pick up some new kid who might suddenly cause untold destruction and mayhem."
............“I thought it was don’t talk to strangers.”
............“Me? A stranger? I’m more of a... mentor. Guiding you on your path to enlightenment, as well as other wise metaphors I can’t think of.”
............A snigger, “Can’t you just stop time and think of some?”
The man looked up, pointing to the floating apple. The “kid” looked up, head arched slightly with an eyebrow raised. A brief moment of silence filled the dank air.
............“Already have.”
With a click of his fingers, the apple fell down, and noise of a train laden with cargo resumed. The man’s hand clasped around the apple, and took a wet, juicy bite from it.
“Damn, that’s good. Oh hey, there’s some light at last from this tunnel.”
An apple was thrown into the air, followed by a clicking noise – and then silence.
“There’s three golden rules we all eventually learn. Usually through experience, sometimes through sheer common sense. Golden rule one: Don’t create a paradox. If you do, time is forced to reverse itself and you may, or may not, catastrophically be twisted and or dead. Golden rule two: Don’t draw attention. Nobody needs to see you be in one place then another in an instant.”
............“Ooooookay... what’s the third golden rule?”
............“Oh, the third rule? Don’t pick up some new kid who might suddenly cause untold destruction and mayhem."
............“I thought it was don’t talk to strangers.”
............“Me? A stranger? I’m more of a... mentor. Guiding you on your path to enlightenment, as well as other wise metaphors I can’t think of.”
............A snigger, “Can’t you just stop time and think of some?”
The man looked up, pointing to the floating apple. The “kid” looked up, head arched slightly with an eyebrow raised. A brief moment of silence filled the dank air.
............“Already have.”
With a click of his fingers, the apple fell down, and noise of a train laden with cargo resumed. The man’s hand clasped around the apple, and took a wet, juicy bite from it.
“Damn, that’s good. Oh hey, there’s some light at last from this tunnel.”
Three questions:
1. What characteristics do you think the two "voices" are? Cocky? Arrogant? Bright? Dumb?
2. How is the speech structure? Im still trying to get it right D:
3. When the kid is introduced, should i add some actions to the characters here? My take on this was that the reader would view the scene as nothing, just blackness. When the actions come in, you can see stuff, but its still dark. When the light comes from the end of the tunnel, then i would add description - as if the reader is in the train.
I hope you'll enjoy and answer my questions :3