Rebel Gods

I turn my face away from the from the window, going from looking at a dingy street to a dinger apartment. The slight multicolored neon lights of the bar across the street comes through my window, washing the letter sitting on my table in a blood red light, fitting for what it is. I knew that something was wrong when I got the letter, so few people use the old fashioned way of sending letters.

They finally found me, after years of running, years of hiding as I made my way through my life. They would make sure that I wouldn't be able to run, as they would have people watching my apartment for blatant signs of power. They don't know what I know though, and they don't know that I promised myself long ago that I would never go back to the family, not if my life depended on it.

I pull the shade on my widow, going into my bedroom, throwing things almost haphazardly into a duffel bag. As long as I breathe, I refuse to go back to them. I guess now that they've come out of hiding, declared war, and won they have time to track down the errant soldiers.

I pick up the letter, reading through its contents one more time:

Dearest Bast,

You have ben running for much too long. Come home to us where you know you belong, you cannot run from who you are. You know the longer that you remain amongst the humans, the more of a chance that they have to burn you at the stake like they did so long ago.

Think on it.

Sincerely,
Hera

I could read between the lines there, she was looking weak because of the one aspect of her kingdom that she couldn't control, the rebels who tried to refuse who they were. Not just to seem normal, but because they could see through the lies that made the family, the family.

A touch of power sent the paper up in smoke. I spun on my boot heel, reaching out and tugging the shadows around me like a familar cape. I was blocks away before they realized that I was gone, and they had no trail to follow.
_________

Comments and critiques are welcome.
 

Halahan

To die will be an awfully big adventure.
beautifully written, near-perfect job at adding a hook to hook the reader and lead into the story, explaining the ideal amount.

"the more of a chance that they have to burn you at the stake like they did so long ago."

Try a bit more fantasy or alien or futeristic words in the beginning paragraph, dingy and apartment and bar are just don't sound right, even if hes lived among humans so he knows everything about him or something like that.

"They would make sure that I wouldn't be able to run, as they would have people watching my apartment for blatant signs of power."

But I very much look foward to reading more of this. If you don't want to give it away thats fine, but if your fine with it then if you give me a brief summary I might be able to make up a title. My advice: Don't give me a summary, the title will come in time, but if you want too.

Fabulous.
 
:) Thank you for pointing out the small mistakes that I made while typing it up.

This isn't meant to be a story that is blatant fantasy, where everything is different, but more of a down-to-earth type story. Also, the main character is female.

As for a summary, there isn't going to really be one until I'm farther into the story, I don't want to give much away, but more than likely I will post more of it.
 

Halahan

To die will be an awfully big adventure.
Oh, thats cool too!

"This isn't meant to be a story that is blatant fantasy, where everything is different, but more of a down-to-earth type story."

No, that is much better then blatant fantasy because then the reader cannot relate to it, and that detracts much from it. Blends of reality and fantasy are always the best. Even, for example, Wheel of Time (Which after the tenth book it got very boring, but I learned a lot from it) even if it is a different world, it still faces the same problems or choices and is still reality, but with magic and a different world and such.
 
Even though I mostly write fantasy, I rarely take it away from a world that people can relate to. More often than not, I take modern day and change it around. I have a feeling that when I finish Nyx (novel-in-progress) I'm going to work on this one more. I like the feeling of it.
 
Nyx, I just realized that not many of you would know this one. I posted a little about on Goth's High, but not much.

It's basically the story of a girl, Nyx, who comes into her powers at a late age, and all the stories that her Grandmother have been telling her was true. She was decended from a legendary line of magicians, sorcerers, and encantresses. She's pulled in different directions by different factions, though through it all she manages to stay herself. I'll make a thread about it, post a few excerpts from the chapters.
 

Halahan

To die will be an awfully big adventure.
So the thread you posted only had excerpts from the chapters¿! But they were still really long. Gosh.
 
Actually, it's the entire story that I have finished up til now. I was too lazy to try and find excerpts.
 

Halahan

To die will be an awfully big adventure.
Good, excerpts can get confusing.
I'm almost done with second chapter of Remembrance/Labryinthine! (which title you like better?)
 
Remembrance, it's something that is easier to say and it's simple. Better to remember as well.
 

DM Cross

You want to see a magic trick?
Staff member
Topic title has been changed to reflect that, kitten ^.^
 

Halahan

To die will be an awfully big adventure.
I like the title. It goes good with the prologue. It isn't too mysterious though, maybe change it to something a bit more odd. Like 'Hallowed Bloodshed' or 'Rebellion of the Hallowed' idk, these just off the top of my head.
 
Topic title has been changed to reflect that, kitten ^.^
Thank you ^.^.

And Halahan, this isn't really the prologue, this is the first chapter. I don't have the prologue done, if I'm even going to do one. And I like the title, it works with the fact that everyone has a gods name in this story that is a witch.
 

New_U.S.

ITS OVER 9000!
Nicely written, leaves a lot of questions on charactor's past. Also has a bit of foreshadowing (seems like it). gj
 
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