Remembrance

Fatmankev

Fatmankev

Chef, Writer, and Midnight Toker
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Well, I'm still not particularly fond of this little prologue of yours; I just didn't really feel the emotion that you were trying to get across, but maybe I'm just a cold, callous bastard. Or maybe it's just not great, who knows? All I want to know is... who the Hell is Galland, mentioned once in the first line of your prologue before being forgotten completely?

Btw, I read some of the earlier repsonses and it sounds like you had a decent little story coming along. Why'd you take it off? I know long things are somewhat intimidating to read to some, but I'd rather get into a story and encourage its author than to read something short and (to me) pointless. So lemme see what you've really got, Halahan.
 
Halahan

Halahan

To die will be an awfully big adventure.
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That was his friend. 'Run.' telling him to run. he runs the other way, looking for his wife.

You see though, I didnt like where it was going.
 
Fatmankev

Fatmankev

Chef, Writer, and Midnight Toker
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Ah, I understand now. Well, I know you're a pretty good writer, so get back to work! I need me some literature.
 
Halahan

Halahan

To die will be an awfully big adventure.
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Alright, I'm back on track hopefully. Took a pretty long break, but here's the first chapter. Comments and Crits welcome as always, and its not as long as it looks to try to at least start reading it.
 
Halahan

Halahan

To die will be an awfully big adventure.
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:eek:
read yours and didn't know what you meant than I looked up and BAM.
well thanks TH. If you ever write anything and post it I'll make sure to read it ;)
 
Fatmankev

Fatmankev

Chef, Writer, and Midnight Toker
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240
Halahan said:
Where as for me... this isn't a fantasy world. this is just the future, however odd that may seem. Where that spire rises up and where the Lites live is Earth... plain and simple.
Click to expand...

Dude, if you expanded on that idea and included it later on in your story, I think it'd be fuckin' brilliant. By the way, I always thought you were older, Halahan, because you are a pretty good writer. Damn kids're gettin' to smart these days. I think it might be time for the harvest... enjoy your 'Sad Birthday,' bwahahahaha!
 
Halahan

Halahan

To die will be an awfully big adventure.
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lol thanks. I always thought that was one of my better ideas :rolleyes:
 
Halahan

Halahan

To die will be an awfully big adventure.
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Alright. I would really like a good review please :(. If there's nothing wrong with it, thats fine and tell me so. I just haven't really gotten a review on this novel I'm writing yet, and I'd really like one.
So, what I'm trying to say is.

bump :p
 
thewrongvine

thewrongvine

The Evolved Panda Commandant
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i dont know what to say, everyone's already said it

talented, intriuging... there could be improvement but, nothing is perfect so... as a rating, i would probably give it like 4.5/5.

The storyline and background is really good. The downfall was that it's a little repeatish and... confusing and some times... but althogether good. :D
 
Halahan

Halahan

To die will be an awfully big adventure.
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thanks for reading.

"little repeatish and... confusing and some times."
could you cite specific examples? I'm not saying your wrong, I just want to know what it is so I can improve.
and the 4.5/5, If you were trying to be nice thats good, if not thats really good, but I can take critical err... critiques :p.
 
thewrongvine

thewrongvine

The Evolved Panda Commandant
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lol do i have to :p

i would but i can't cuz i g2g now but i will see to it tomorrow if i have the time.
 
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