Request for People That Go to a Lot of Bars

[Varine]

So I'm a cook, and the restaurant I work at has a full bar (our bar is bigger than our kitchen). Today, we were really slow, so I was bored and helping out at the bar since we had a few people drinking, which I've never really done before, so I was going through some of the books we have on bartending, and was particularly drawn to this little one I came across called X-Rated Shots. It basically has a bunch of drinks with sexually oriented names, and the first one in the book is called an Aggressive Blow Job (which is remarkably different from the other Blow Jobs, which are like Irish Cream and Kahlua, something that seems pretty sweet).

Now, an Aggressive Blow Job is composed of one part grain alcohol with three parts cola. I don't get out to bars a lot, I mean I haven't had a day off in over a week, and my next one is sometime next week. So, maybe someone else does, and my request is I want you to order this drink and tell me what happens.

Ideally, it'll be a female bartender with some fake stripper name because usually they're really fucking good bartenders and won't just kick you out (which would also be funny). But, I need someone to take it further. Some shit like, hey barkeep, I'm in desperate need of an aggressive blow job. I have payment ready to come now. I have a huge tip with your name on it.

If someone will go do this for me, I would be particularly grateful, and will likely steal the story and pretend like I did it.

 

[FireCat]

Eh wut? Why are you so desperate? Poor Varine

 

[Varine]

Because it's a ridiculous name for a drink, I'm pretty drunk, and want to know if a bartender is going to understand that it's an awkwardly insinuated joke, or just get offended by some asshole that wants to get a literal blow job.

 

[FireCat]

Because it's a ridiculous name for a drink

I agree!

 

[The Helper]

I have those before. They are OK. My current fave is a Royal Fuck - has Crown Royal in it

 

[FireCat]

There's even moar ridiculous names
(Cooter Cork, Cowboy C**ksucker, Dirty Diaper, Hot J*zz, Maggots, Naked Girl Scout, Nipple on Fire, Old Crusty, Panty Quiver, Pecker Wrecker, Juice, Smurf on the Rag, Stiff Dick. etc...)

Anyway

When we choose a drink, 99% of the time it’s because it sounds good, or we already know it’s good. Isn’t that what most people do? But there’s that 1% of the time that we see a drink with a ridiculous name and we think “That might not even taste good, but damnit, that name is so funny, I must have it.” That’s how we feel when we see drinks with really dirty names; yes, we’re immature. Next time you’re out and about, try to order one of these drinks with a straight face and without blushing – we dare you.

 

[Accname]

I think they are called this way just to have a good excuse to say this to a stranger, especially if the bartender is a hot girl. Just makes the whole life a litte bit more awesome if everything has a cool name.

 

[Varine]

None of those are as good as walking into a bar and asking a female bartender for an aggressive blowjob and promising she'll get a big tip.

 

[FireCat]

None of those are as good as walking into a bar and asking a female bartender for an aggressive blowjob and promising she'll get a big tip.

Why don't you ask a female bartender yourself? Are you too afraid to ask? Hmm well, maybe you should be afraid. LOLLOL

 

[Varine]

As I already said, I don't have time to go to bars very often. I have this somewhat boring and pretentious scheduling conflict called 'my job', which starts promptly at two in the afternoon most every day, and I will, unfortunately, be required to attend for the duration of the day, up until around ten or so, and under regular circumstances I am not terribly enthusiastic or willing to go very far out of my way to order a single, expensive drink in a most humorous way.

 

[Zakyath]

lol nice idea. don't think it would work well in swedish though. besides, when drinking drinks, I drink Lennart