Sameness

[Ninva]

I didn't revise this, I haven't written any fiction in a while. Any feedback?

Edit:

Find the updated version here: http://happy-willow.deviantart.com/art/Lying-Authors-216841465

 

[Fatmankev]

Yo Ninva, you been doing well lately, pal? I sure hope so.

1. Was the story coherent?
I've got to admit, there were parts of the letter that I would have to go back and read over later, as I'm not thinking clearly atm; however, it provided a lot of insight as to how the mind of the girl worked (didn't catch her name... did you mention it?). However, outside of the letter the plot flowed quickly, smoothly and pointedly, and was as 'coherent' as it gets. I liked the rhythm the story had as soon as the father interrupted... you could liken it to the speed at which they were driving, especially when he slows and the follows, allowing an opportunity for further description of the characters and their mentalities. Good show.
2. Did you sympathize with the characters?
With the father, certainly so, but not so much with the daughter - she seemed to maybe be in some sort of state of denial over the entire thing, or maybe she just wanted to feel as if she had the last say. Too short of a piece for me to really get to know the characters, although the father seemed like the typical sort, so I found I could relate to that. But yeah, without really knowing who they were, I couldn't become truly sympathetic to them or the situation.
3. Could you paint a portrait of John?
Not a physical one, and all that I really got was that he was somewhat pompous, possibly proud or arrogant, and more focused on his work than the girl, maybe? Again, I had a bit of trouble with the letter, and I know some of the gravity of what it said was lost on me. Sorry.
4. What should I work on?
Can't suggest a whole lot because you're certainly more skilled than I; only thing that irked me at all was when he was staring at her, waiting for her to throw the letter out. It seemed as if he kept his eyes on her for a a good solid bit, whilst driving off an exit at 45 mph. Just seemed a little off to me, but I'm probably just nit-pickin'. Anywho, I enjoyed it. I especially liked the end of the letter when she's rambling on about how people just babble on about the same nonsensical jibber-jabber bullshit. Good work, boss. I've always enjoyed your fiction a bit more than your poetry, so it's nice to stop in for a visit and stumble onto something like this. Thanks for the read.

 

[Ninva]

I'm so grateful you stopped by, Fatmankev. I still have a few writing tips you gave me plastered on my bedroom wall. So your influence still lives in me, if you'd care to know.

I'm doing well. Soon I'll be heading off to college. Last time you've heard from me I was a sophomore in high school. As you can see, I didn't stop writing as I promised you I would. As you can see, I'm also a compulsive liar, which allows me to write somewhat adequate stories about college graduates who read young adult fiction and write letters to their unnamed boyfriends.

The letter was really meant to be bullshit. In it I was actually comparing postmodernism to modernism. No one caught this, so I thought that I might as well just throw it out since no one will ever study my work in a college classroom. My main character (I believe her name was Sarah, probably stated somewhere) was a postmodernist while her boyfriend was a modernist. The father was just the buffer between the two, and he was meant to bring the reader back to reality, trying to make postmodernism get rid of modernism. And by ending it, we go into the next era of expression.

I guess I failed when the father stared at her daughter while taking an exit, but I guess I assumed the reader would realize that he wasn't looking at her anymore. I'll have to make sure to include exact descriptions in future works.

Thanks for the read, Fatmankev. It means a lot.