Scottish Jokes

StevanHogg

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The Average Englishman

The average Englishman, in his home he calls his castle, puts on his national costume - A shabby Raincoat patented by Charles MacIntosh of Glasgow, Scotland.

He drives a car fitted with tyres invented by John Boyd Dunlop of Dreghorn, Scotland.

At the office he recieves his mail with adhearive stamps which, although they bear the queen of England's head, were invented by John Chambers of Dundee, Scotland.

During the day he uses the telephone, Invented by Alexander Graham Bell of Edinburgh, Scotland.
At home in the evening he watches his daughter ride her bicycle, invented by Kilpatrick MacMillan, A Blacksmith from Dumfries, Scotland.

He watches the news on television which was invented by John Logie Baird of Helensburough Scotland and hears an item about the U.S. Navy founded by John Paul Jones of Kirkbean, Scotland.
He has now been reminded too much of Scotland and in desperation picks up the Bible, only to find that the first man mentioned in the good book is a Scot - King James VI - who authourised it's translation.

No where can an Englishman turn to escape the ingenuity of the Scots, he could take to drink but the Scots make the finest in the world, he could take a rifle and end it all but the breech-loading rifle was invented by Captain Patrick Ferguson of Pitfours, Scotland.
If he escaped death, he could find himself on an operating table, being injected with Penicillin, discovered by Alexander Flemming of Darvel, Scotland, and given an aneasthetic, discovered by Sir James Young Simpson of Bathgate, Scotland.
Out of the aneasthetic he would find no comfort in learning that he was as safe as the Bank Of England which was founded by William Patterson of Dumfries, Scotland.

Perhaps his only hope would be to get a transfusion of good SCOTTISH blood
 
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    LOL! A tweak job!
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    this is the fix I get from that yeah this is hard to control. disabling bots is pretty much necessary as ai and other bots would push really old threads to the top. reduce weight of view count. disable guest view tracking if you really want to push active threads to the top. a bit of tinkering for a few days with the weights and other settings should get you a decent trending widget box.
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    I changed the settings a bit.
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    Narrowed it to 7 days for the half-life and set views to 0 weight.
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    I dont think Trending would work for this forum it would be better to just have the last 5 posts from anywhere
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    Probably will have to give it some time to update.
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    I'm guessing it is not retroactive.
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    Mad Lads is new I see it displays original post date
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    as long as it changes it is good - it is good now it updated and its new stuff
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    One thing I have noticed and I dont know if it is by design but like 1 out of 3 times I come to the site the Anubis screen just hangs open, if I refresh it will go away but sometimes it hangs
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    I've seen that as well.
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    Wow - the change in the stats are major. I kind of knew it was all bots but wow, to see the effect. Why the social media sites cant do something like this I have no idea.
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    Probably inflates their numbers so they look better to advertisers.
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    Yeah google does not filter those bots. I remember when Apex was doing Google ads I saw the same IPs in there as I was seeing here - google is totally tracking all those bots as traffic and most google traffic, at least ours, was all bots
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    oh wow, i bet i can post x links now and do the webp pics now giggity
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    ahh anubis blocks anyone that has javascript turned off
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    Robot: HTTP client library - i love the new robot :)
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    New Science News Forum and it starts out with 420 threads :)
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    Technical Support forum name changed To Technology News, there is now a Tech, sci/tech and science forums now :)
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    Happy Saturday! Hope everyone has a fantastic weekend!
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    We are now on Ubuntu 24.04. Had some issues with the style after the OS/PHP upgrade but now resolved.
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    PHP 8.3 now live
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    Weekend went by too fast. Next weekend I am going to try to do a nature thing - buddy of mine lives by the Colorado river and has some kayaks and invited me to do some kayaking from a place he knows to get on the river.
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    That sounds like an adventure.

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