Sky Runes

[Syndrome]

In a world where the surface was destroyed by the third World War, an unsuspecting sky courier delivers a package which changes his life. Wars over ancient relics rage on, a corrosive cloud belt is expanding, and the floating Islands where the remnents of mankind are being destroyed.
​

Sky Runes​

This is my first attempt at a completely first-person POV story. Not sure if I will continue it, but I like what I came up with. I'm a bit... anxious? As I have never really written in First-Person view like this.
Tell me what you think C & C please.

Read here:

http://www.fictionpress.com/s/2697330/1/Sky_Runes

Status: 2 Chapters up, 3rd chapter 25% done.

 

[thewrongvine]

Alright, that was 3 paragraphs more than where I left off last time, But I read it again to make sure I didn't... miss anything.

Awesome, :thup:
Yay, another person first time First-Person view.
It's nice, I like how it's short (shorter paragraphs make it easier to read ^^) and to the point, but still with description. A few parts could've been elaborated more on, so more suspense is added. Like in the ending, when the girl comes out, before just shooting her out into the story, you could have another paragraph telling about the thoughts running through his head, maybe some classic lame smoke rising from the box,
Great story, waiting for the next parts, :thup:

~Hai-Bye-Vine~

 

[Syndrome]

Rofl awesome
Elaborate which parts though? Mind copy and pasting?

 

[thewrongvine]

Spoiler

“Mmphh...” A soft moan behind me interrupted my thoughts and caused me to turn around. With the
heavily armoured lid blown off into god-knows-where I could see what was inside the box, or rather
what was getting out of the box.
A girl with long light blue hair rubbed her eyes sleepily as if she woke up from a deep sleep sat up on the
box’s edge. Her dark-blue eyes shone in contrast with her pale skin, but what caught my attention were
the glowing runes on the back of each of her hands and on her forehead.

That could be more suspenseful I guess, More description maybe on before the girl comes out, so it gives readers time to think for themself, imagine what scary thing could come out.

~Hai-Bye-Vine~

 

[Syndrome]

Rofl, alright. I'll change that later
*BUMP*
Anyone else? I want some opinions on this

 

[Syndrome]

UPDATE: 2nd chapter up xD
Anyone else reading this?

 

[Miz]

UPDATE: 2nd chapter up xD
Anyone else reading this?

I am a little busy today but I will read it tomorrow or this weekend. :thup:

 

[thewrongvine]

Yay, chapter 2,
Yup, it's getting more interesting.
Yeah, the main character I keep thinking of as a little faerie or elf or something.
^3 Y's^ lol random

It was longer than chapter one, ^^. Great addition, waiting for chapter 3 and the other.

~Hai-Bye-Vine~

 

[Syndrome]

the main character is a boy -_- lol
you mean Azure? i guess you can think of her as an elf thing... meh.
i think im on a roll here, im writing a lot more on this story xD, won't be too long before the next chapter is out ^ ^!

 

[thewrongvine]

lol I know he's a boy, but he and his race still seem like smaller, elf type people, heh.
Typing this with iPhone o.o so it's slower.
Yup you're on a roll with the writing, don't forget abot the drawings though

~Hai-Bye-Vine~