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Criticism is welcome... you can be blunt, just not an asshole! If it incoherent than I probably copied only some of it (because I'm dumb lol) from the text doc it's in... so just let me know. And for the love of god do not plagiarize my story... please, be respectful.
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TEN CUPS OF COFFEE IN, THE WORLD FELL APART
The faded gray sign read 12. Meaningless? Maybe... He wasn't sure. The light section of his journey had come to an end. He had nothing to look forward to except the crude yellow bars of imprisonment that guided him slowly to the end of the world. They became narrower by the second until he could barely breathe; he grabbed his collar attempting to loosen the suffocation, but it was useless. The ledge crept up from out of the darkness. He took the plunge.
The cool metal felt like home. That nostalgic feeling was one he had had for so long; who knew that he would finally find it now… in such an unlikely place. He slid his hand up and down the rail as if secretly looking for an imperfection, like the many throughout his life. Finding none he moved away in disgust.
As he lay there, staring into the damp darkness, he tried to find meaning in his life. Had he really accomplished everything he had hoped for? Most likely not. But what was the use? He knew trying to answer such things would prove useless and the longer he thought about it the angrier he became at the void that was his life. The pointless job, the failed relationship, the father who never showed him the love he deserved... what a waste. He closed his eyes and slowly began the habitual count.
“One—”
“Two—”
“Three—”
With the last number barely escaping, he opened his eyes and calmly sat himself up, looking directly at the impending rush. It sped up, closing the distance between them. He tried to stand up, but the darkness had formed an alliance with gravity and forced him to remain stationary. Using the wall for support, he pushed himself up with all his might. The sound was deafening. He clamped his hands to his head and groaned in pain. He was a bit dizzy, but he had broken through the barrier. As he regained his footing, he slowly lowered his hands, took a deep breathe and closed his eyes one final time.
12. Light. Darkness. Nothing. Rush.
--Sometime in the past...
Time is irrelevant. In fact, the date is irrelevant as well—it doesn’t matter anymore, the routine he undergoes is… repetitive. For Jay time wasn’t in seconds, minutes and hours; it was divided between the time where he could sit in his apartment relaxing, and the time where he had to work, all the while plotting the various ways he was going to murder his boss. Jay was average, and although he wouldn’t admit it, and as he lay there sleeping, he upheld this title.
The room where he laid was unpleasantly ordinary to the point of boredom. The blinds almost hit the bottom of the floor, crudely suffocating the few rays of light able to permeate the darkness, while the cool air rushed from the vents above creating an eerie, yet perfect for hibernation, setting.
Over the crackled white desk that was softly fading to gray, the television was quietly preaching to the massive inert body that lay there. The nightstand to his right was covered in old magazines partially stuck to the coffee stain rings that decorated the surface. The digital clock with its menacing face being the only item able to protrude from the mess read 6:58. Two more minutes until the cycle began... Moving further around the room the half empty bookcase loomed over the dust covered desk filled with unopened business proposals, stacks of financial reports, half empty Starbucks coffee cups, a few CDs with forgotten content and a jar crammed full of loose change. Below this was the only other sign of life in the room; Riley, a small kitten which lay quietly curled in a comfortable burgundy bed. 6:59. One more minute of peace. The floor was littered with old shirts and ties, which had been thrown carelessly here and there without any shame along with an old dusty portrait of his family, which begged for the type of affection Jay had begged for from his father. The trail led to the crammed corner closet, where empty hangers waited desperately for some form of clothing to cover up their loneliness. Below the bar were empty shoe boxes which had had their original inhabitants vacated for more private matters; while the few shoes that made it near their homes lay miserably on their sides. 7:00.
Jay wrestled with the covers of his blandly colored bed, creeping in and out of reality and the dreamless state of bliss that was sleep. He slowly moved closer to the surface gasping for air until he finally broke through. Quickly fumbling around his new environment he grabbed his alarm clock and nearly hit it off the table.
“Oh great... another day in paradise,” he growled sarcastically.
Pulling the covers off his half naked body he sluggishly motivated himself towards his closet to find more suitable clothing for work. He grabbed at random shirts until he found one with the least wrinkles, all the while the rhythmic rattling of the hangers lagged into eternity. However, the sounds had not gone unnoticed.
After he had obtained suitable clothing, he calmly set them down on a near by chair and marched himself towards the bathroom while Riley joyfully danced around his feet, all the while innocently pleading for food.
“Yeah, you and me both buddy,” he kindly whispered to the kitten as if trying to keep a secret.
He barely pushed the door open before slamming his body into the mass thus forcing his way through. The sink was the first stop on his trek towards the shower. He moved up to the streak covered mirror that towered over the crème-colored granite counter top. His right hand routinely moved towards the cold water while his left hand groped blindly for the wash cloth that lay raggedly to his side. In an attempt to further wake himself up, he lowered his face towards the sink while drenching it in cold water. He waited a few seconds and then finally raised his face to the mirror where he stared at his cold, wet reflection. He stood there, immobile as if frozen in time for a few minutes. He began to move his face from side to side as if trying to break the gaze of the unfamiliar reflection. However, he was unable to shake the stranger's stare and continued to gaze into the burning eyes of his better half. He raised his hand and placed it against the glass, while his brother mirrored his actions. He quickly pulled his hand back, closed his eyes and turned away.
The shower's cold water chilled Jay to the bone, but he remained still and let the water wash his morning sorrow away. Once he felt in a better state of mind, he toweled off and returned to his room.
Upon breaching the barrier of his room, he grabbed the clothes that were lazily hanging off the top of his desk chair and attempted to dress himself in a somewhat impressive nature. Upon reaching what Jay considered perfection, he moved towards the door to begin preparing breakfast for both himself and Riley. However, before he could leave the sanctity of his room, the few rays of light that struggled to enter the room had created a glare on the portrait of his family that was unavoidable. Jay regretfully crouched down near the object that caused him so much emotional pain, turned it over a few times in his hands before deciding to use it as a mirror.
“Looking sharp...” he sarcastically sighed.
Discarding the portrait he moved around the room, taking one last look over his dominion before moving towards the doorway. The hall between his room and kitchen emulated much of the look and feel of his room; boxes of old memories carefully packed with extra strength duct tape being the prominent element. Naturally, and possibly out of habit, Jay moved past these things as if they were invisible, focusing more on his footsteps then his actual environment.
The kitchen was surprisingly clean. A few out of place cookbooks, from a time before, huddled together over the massive fridge which on a regular basis was never more than a quarter full. The counters had been recently cleared of their normal inhabitants; used knives and paper plates usually vied for control of no man's land, while forks and spoons strategically made their way towards the dishwasher. Glasses and empty wine bottles attempted to push back the invaders, but stood little chance. Today, however, the battlefield was silent... a cease fire perhaps. Jay made his way to the coffee machine for his daily dose of caffeine, but stood in front of the aged stainless-steel espresso machine in shock when he had discovered the lack of milk.
“Shit...” he silently growled.
At that very moment, Riley proudly entered the kitchen trotting his towards Jay's legs. When he reached the massive columns covered in wrinkled cotton, he proceeded to rub himself against them in a such a loving way that Jay could do little to resist his demands for food. He slowly lowered himself until he was nearly face to face with the lovable kitten.
“Time to compromise, but don't worry we'll get through this,” he proclaimed with much resolve.
He silently, but quickly, made his way back to his room and began repeatedly picking up the old coffee cups that lay on his nightstand, shaking them to check on their contents. First one... empty. Second one... empty. They say the third time's a charm, maybe this would prove true. Empty. This process continued for six more cups all the while Jay began stringing together curses under his breath with every further defeat. Finally, he came on to the tenth cup out of twelve that lay steadfast on the surface. He picked it up, shook it around and felt the weight of the possibly week old liquid shift around.
Jay marched back victoriously to the kitchen and was about to place his prize of battle in the microwave, but out of the corner of his eye he saw Riley, quietly gazing at him. For once in his life, he immediately knew what had to be done. The decision was final. He placed the half empty cup of coffee on the counter, removed the lid and poured some of the liquid into a small dish. He then took the small dish and placed it on the floor for Riley to feast on. He then observed Riley as the small kitten cautiously approached the strange liquid. He moved in and out of the dish a few times and then silently began drinking the new found source of sustenance.
“Bon appetit! It's our finest week old coffee, served out of our exclusive 60% recycled cups. Aged to perfection,” he mentioned sarcastically, much to his enjoyment.
After a few minutes of watching the kitten enjoy the coffee, he decided it was his turn and he carefully placed the prized possession in the microwave. Jay jabbed the small add 30 seconds button on the console and calmly watched the dim light appear while the quite humming quickly filled the apartment. 7:37. Jay's small amount of peace was abruptly ended when he unfortunately noticed the time. He quickly grabbed the lukewarm coffee cup out of the microwave and made his way towards the front door. On his way out he grabbed his boringly bland black work bag and slung it on his shoulder, while attempting to place his work shoes on without his hands. 7:41.
He slammed the door behind him, reluctantly attempting to loosen the rigor mortis grip his hand had on the door knob. He stared at the dull golden plate that read 22F and began to zone out, focusing on his breathing. The slow rhythmic repetition began to make him feel at peace. He stood there thinking of the first time saw this door with his (soon to be ex) girlfriend. To Jay the past was the most cheerful thing to think about especially when he usually thought about the present and even worse the future. He came back to the reality that his hand was still stuck to the door knob and every attempt to remove it failed. He slowly exhaled, closed his eyes and began to count.
“One—”
“Two—”
“Three—”
When the final number was spoken he opened his eyes and began making his way down the dimly lit hallway towards the elevators. As he made his way further from his door and closer to the elevators the lights behind him seemed to fade as the ones in front of him seemed to blind him. He quickly jabbed the small circular button with his thumb until it lit up and began pacing back and forth until he heard the familiar, yet uninviting, ding that elevators made when people were encroaching on their homes. He quickly crosses the threshold and avoided eye contact with the other prisoners, who quietly ended their conversation at the sight of an unfamiliar face. This was the usual routine of all the inmates of the large metal prison most had come to call the elevator.
Jay was fascinated by elevators and the way humans behaved in them, even though he found the very thought of one disgusting. Interactions were so unnatural once one breached the gap into the domain of the elevator and he couldn't help but sometimes stare at a couple inside, just to see what actions he could provoke. However, there was a problem. As large as his fascination was, he was also terrified of them at the same time. It worked something like this; every time the doors of the elevator Jay was standing in would close, he would silently pray to himself that the elevator wouldn't get stuck for hours or suddenly come crashing down. He wasn't scared of being stuck in the elevator per say, he was just “claustrophobic,” or so his doctor had said, but to him he didn't see the difference. Coming back to his current dilemma Jay looked up at the large LED screen that read L and instantly became grateful that his journey through the prison had ended. 7:46.
--Minutes later, outside the lobby...
The loud sounds and pungent smells of the city plagued Jay as he exited his building onto the busy intersection. He stood outside of the revolving door for a few minutes while his eyes adjusted to the bright sun. While he cursed himself for forgetting sun glasses he moved towards the corner of the street to hail a cab. Between the constant rush of cars and people around him and the lack of sleep Jay felt as if his world was slower than usual. An old yellow cab finally acknowledged Jay's pleads for transport and made its way across to him. As it stopped the squeaking of the worn down breaks caused Jay to groan in agony and he attempted to protect his ears from some unseen force with his hands. The driver opened his window and in a thick accent asked Jay where his destination was. Once the terms of the deal had been laid on the table, Jay entered the cab and it speedily took off.
The inside of the cab was like being in a different country and Jay was the only person who couldn't speak the language. He fumbled with the air conditioning controls for a few minutes only to finally realize that they were either broken or disabled. The small transparent box that contained his guide instantly became the source of most noise in the cab, as the driver seemed to be speaking to someone in this foreign language. However, Jay had not gone unnoticed as the driver would periodically look up into the rear view mirror to peek at him. The drive to his job instantly went from foreign to bizarre, and then from bizarre to anxious, finally taking one last leap from anxious to hell. Jay was paranoid of most foreigners and couldn't help but think that everyone who spoke a different language was speaking about him. As the cab approached the sidewalk that bordered his job, Jay glared at the meter which read in rather bulky red digital print 10.90 on one side and .50 on the other. He fumbled for his wallet and paid the driver in exact change, plus what he considered a friendly tip. Once the exchange of cash took place the driver wished Jay a wonderful day, or something to that extent since Jay couldn't understand him that well, and quickly took off as soon as Jay had closed the door.
Jay moved up to the intimidating large glass doors and, despite their weight, courageously opened them in one movement. Upon entering his eyes readjusted to a view of the security check point where Jim the local power hungry rent-a-cop was speaking with one of the CEOs of the company. Upon seeing an intruder Jim's conversation with the CEO instantly became hushed all the while he eyed him from a distance. As soon as Jay moved towards the turnstiles he removed his ID from his pocket and swiped it quickly across the plastic electronic reader. The reader instantly turned green and Jay was allowed passage. Proceeding to the stairs he began to think of the many ways he could pass the time today, one of his routine activities in the morning commute. As soon as Jay's hand came in contact with the emergency stairwell door, the CEO and Jim parted and he quickly made his way over to Jay.
“Where do you think you're going?” he loudly roared in a very authoritative tone.
Jay spun around with a mix of fear and surprise showing up on his face.
“Look... we go over this at least 3 or 4 times a month, I work on the second floor and I dislike taking the elevator.”
Jim adjusted his belt, grabbed his walkie talkie and moved a step closer towards Jay.
“Let me see your ID,” he bellowed.
At this point Jay had had about as much of this power hungry maniac as any normal sane person could take. He took his ID out of his pocket once more stuck it straight into Jim's face for a few seconds, pocketed it and began the trek up to the second floor. As the door closed behind him, he turned back to see a stunned Jim standing there with a blank expression on his face.
Upon reaching the second floor, Jay opened the door to a very busy and somewhat noisy labyrinth of cubicles. He navigated his way very carefully until reaching a cubicle as messy as his room. He entered the cubicle quietly and sat down in front of his computer. Next to him was a keyboard that was almost entirely drowned in a flood of papers that needed tending too, but were usually just brushed aside for more recent ones. The sides of cubicle were covered in cork boards, which at one time had contained pictures of his loved ones, but were now as barren as most of his life. The floor was home to towers of stacked binders, each with a unique name written on them, which more importantly housed empty coffee cups on their roofs. Behind him stood a small circular table covered with an amazing diversity of old take out bags and wrappers. Alone in the corner was a small clock hanging on the wall, which Jay had a special attachment too since it provided him with something to look at while sitting in his cubicle. 8:34
Sitting there in his chair, going over piles of papers that had been dropped off by one of the office delivery men, Jay began to grow tired of repeatedly sorting the same thing over and over again and began staring at the clock more and more instead. 10:29. The copier seemed like the center of attention that day at the office and that was reason enough for it to become Jay's as well. He sat there watching people conversate near this clearly sacred social object all the while imagining what they were speaking of. He thought of parties with pretty women and alcohol to drive his fears and worries away, but then he began to think of his ex and his mind went to black and thoughts of memories ruined his reality. 2:32. Jay had lunch at his desk alone as usual. A colleague of his whose name he could never remember stopped by to see how he was doing, but his gloomy attitude made the conversation last shorter than it could've. 4:56. Jay was becoming fed up with his job, life and environment as a whole by this point. He had already thrown many of the files he was given on the floor in his cubicle, picked them up and repeated the process... just to waste time. 6:21. Preparing to leave for home, he noticed it had started to rain and instantly became less gloomy. He got up from his desk and headed for the stairwell leaving the mess he had made for someone else to clean.
Jay loved the rain, but whenever someone asked him how he could love something that turned those almost perfect days into crap he never could give them a straight answer. He would always say “Well, we each have our own vices” or something else to skillfully change the topic, but deep down inside he knew the real reason. His fascination with the rain came from its similarity with his life; slowly declining until one day it would finally crash and burn at rock bottom. Depressing? Yeah, but the way Jay saw it: if his life was slowly declining, that means that at one point he was the happiest person in the world and looking back onto those days brought a smile to his face.
--Minutes later, inside his lobby...
Jay entered the lobby of his building drenched in the sweet ecstasy that he loved so much. He headed for corridor containing the elevators and found himself standing next to a small man obviously of Asian descent dressed in ordinary running clothes that were also drenched from the rain. He instantly began thinking to himself and wondered if this man liked the rain as much as he did and decided it would be worth asking.
“Great weather we've been having eh?”
The man stood there silently staring at the different elevators attempting to guess which one would arrive first. Jay assumed he hadn't heard and decided to give it another shot.
“Hey chief, how's it going? You enjoying the weather we've been getting?”
The man calmly turned to Jay, raised his shoulders and stuck his hands out as if he wasn't really sure what he thought about the weather at all. Jay decided that maybe the man was angry from being drenched or perhaps just tired from working all day so he let the notion of weather subside.
A few minutes later the elevator made a high pitched sound and they stepped towards the metal doors from which the sound had emerged. Immediately Jay became anxious to leave the elevator and placed himself in a corner where he could be supported by two sides. The Asian man entered after him and calmly pushed the button corresponding to his floor. He turned to Jay and motioned for him to do the same. Jay was reluctant at first to listen to a stranger, but nonetheless he nervously jabbed the 22 button and returned to his corner in an attempt at solitude. The elevator slowly began to climb, while the numbers on the LED screen above slowly increased. He slowly moved his hand from his side to his throat in an attempt to loosen his tie and get some fresh air, but he was interrupted by a sudden shake. The elevator had come to a halt. The lights went out and the LED screen was blank. They were trapped.
Jay fumbled for something, anything that could give him an indication of where he was all the while attempting to loosen his collar and get some fresh air, but he became disoriented the more he attempted to orient himself and slowly began to feel dizzier. He screamed out for help and began to flail only to find himself jumping in fear when the Asian man grabbed him from behind.
“We're screwed man! We're trapped and most likely nobody knows... we might even die! Holy shit... Please God help us!”
In a panicked frenzy he ran into a wall and slowly his vision began to blur. He had flashbacks of moments when he was a child and his dad had promised him he would never leave his side, but where was he now... off drinking himself to sleep no doubt.
“You lied to me you bastard! You said you'd never leave! WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU NOW?!”
He couldn't control his actions anymore. He attempted to calm himself by loosening his tie, but then realized that he had already ripped it off and accidentally torn his shirt for lack of air. He closed his eyes and tried to count.
“On... One... ”
“T... Tw... Tw... Two”
“Th... Th... Thr... Th... Thr...”
It wasn't working. His one mechanism to take control back had failed him. He slowly went and reached out for the door to his home, but the handle was locked. He attempted to unlock it, but quickly became disoriented and slammed into a pile of boxes. The boxes came crashing down on him and he fell over. He attempted to pick himself up, but he was pinned under the boxes.
In the distance he could see his father, who was running towards him. He came closer and closer, but he wouldn't make it in time. Things were becoming dark and he was losing control of his body... things were fading. He was fading. He moved his hand towards his face and all he saw was darkness, just like his world. Nothing was ever clear and he couldn't take it anymore. He used every ounce of strength left in his body to move the boxes, but he couldn't. They had all the weight of the problems in his life and he only had a little bit of resolve to move them aside.
His eyelids were now the enemy, slowly closing and finishing him off once and for all. He tried to fight it for just a bit longer so that his father could get to him and dig him out of the pile of boxes, but he was quickly losing. He closed his eyes and everything went black...
--Hours, Days and possibly Months later...
He opened his eyes, to a strange sight. He was in a cab, heading to an unknown destination. He quickly sat himself up and took a quick survey of his surroundings, but he was feeling weak.
“Where...”
He attempted to finish his question, but he felt like he was going to black out again at any moment. However, the driver had clearly understood his request and looked at him in the rear-view mirror.
“We're heading to the hospital. A crazy Asian man screaming in some odd language hauled you out of a building and put you in here. He handed me fifty bucks and I decided I better take care of you, but you looked like you were in bad shape so I decided I'd drop you off at the nearest hospital.”
Jay tried to make sense of this whole situation and the more he thought about it the more confused he became. He became angry at the fact that he was helpless and couldn't do anything to intervene.
“No... Grand Central,” he demanded as loudly as he could muster.
The driver pulled the cab to the side of an empty street, turned on the light in the front of the taxi and turned himself around.
“Are you sure man? I'll take you wherever...”
Jay nodded and the taxi sped off in a different direction. Jay knew what had to be done. He needed to leave this place, this town and maybe even this country. He couldn't take it anymore. All his emotional baggage had to be taken care of and he couldn't do that without a fresh start. He decided that upon entering he would arbitrarily pick a track and let it take him wherever.
Just minutes later, the taxi pulled up near the wooden doors. He quickly jumped out, grabbed the golden handle and flung the door open. He was instantly re-energized with his new found strength. He ran past the small televisions where hundreds of commuters huddled around for information on their trains. Past the windowed rooms where others bought tickets for their trains, while staring at the clock patiently. And past the booth in the middle of the main concourse. He made his way across the large room, weaving in and out of crowds and ducked into one of the doorways which read Track 12. Sprinting down the walkway, he quickly noticed the lack of trains around him and decided that waiting to embrace his new life would be ludicrous. He ran past the large containers for recycling newspapers and further on. He continued farther than most people ever went on the platforms and suddenly halted. He became nervous at the idea of suddenly changing his life so drastically.
He moved forward and the yellow bars on both sides of the platform seemed to close in on him. Grabbing what was left of his collar he quickly freed himself of it and gasped for what little air he could find on the dark platform. He moved closer to the edge and farther away from the lit parts of the platform all the while carefully thinking about how he should proceed. After a few seconds he stood perched over the edge of the platform staring down into the tunnel for any sign of a train, but he only say darkness. He quickly made up his mind and jumped off the edge. He began the journey into his new life one step at a time, all the while keeping his eyes on the darkness ahead... hoping to see lights at some point.
As he trudged onward he began to think about his old life that would soon be erased. He thought about how his father had never shown him any love and how he had failed so miserably at holding his relationship together. Thinking about all this began to make him become anxious for his new beginning. Deciding that it would be best to pace himself he crouched down and rested himself for a bit. While he sat there, he blindly searched for any indication of his surroundings and grabbed on to what seemed to be one of the rails of the track. It was incredible. The track had no imperfections in it and Jay was sure this was surely a hint of things to come. Unfortunately, thoughts of his current life came into mind and comparing it to the prospect of a perfect one was angering.
He slowly readjusted himself into a more comfortable position and began thinking about what he had really accomplished in his past life. Sadly, he could think of very little to add to such a list. Closing his eyes he decided it would be best to put the past behind him with one final count.
“One—”
“Two—”
“Three—”
He opened his eyes and was immediately blinded by the lights of an oncoming train. Overjoyed, he attempted to stand himself up, but ultimately decided that remaining stationary and retaining his strength for his new life was best. His excitement being what it was he was unable to contain himself and slowly pushed himself upwards.
“I SEE YOU!,” he screamed as he maniacally waved at his impending doom.
The train responded to his greeting by blasting its horns. The sound was deafening and Jay clapped his hands to his head and groaned. He looked away for a second, taking one final moment to think weather this was the best course of action... however, there was no time and he decided to stick with his original plan. He took a deep breathe, turned his head towards his new life and closed his eyes, finally embracing the good life.
12. Light. Darkness. Nothing. Rush.
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TEN CUPS OF COFFEE IN, THE WORLD FELL APART
The faded gray sign read 12. Meaningless? Maybe... He wasn't sure. The light section of his journey had come to an end. He had nothing to look forward to except the crude yellow bars of imprisonment that guided him slowly to the end of the world. They became narrower by the second until he could barely breathe; he grabbed his collar attempting to loosen the suffocation, but it was useless. The ledge crept up from out of the darkness. He took the plunge.
The cool metal felt like home. That nostalgic feeling was one he had had for so long; who knew that he would finally find it now… in such an unlikely place. He slid his hand up and down the rail as if secretly looking for an imperfection, like the many throughout his life. Finding none he moved away in disgust.
As he lay there, staring into the damp darkness, he tried to find meaning in his life. Had he really accomplished everything he had hoped for? Most likely not. But what was the use? He knew trying to answer such things would prove useless and the longer he thought about it the angrier he became at the void that was his life. The pointless job, the failed relationship, the father who never showed him the love he deserved... what a waste. He closed his eyes and slowly began the habitual count.
“One—”
“Two—”
“Three—”
With the last number barely escaping, he opened his eyes and calmly sat himself up, looking directly at the impending rush. It sped up, closing the distance between them. He tried to stand up, but the darkness had formed an alliance with gravity and forced him to remain stationary. Using the wall for support, he pushed himself up with all his might. The sound was deafening. He clamped his hands to his head and groaned in pain. He was a bit dizzy, but he had broken through the barrier. As he regained his footing, he slowly lowered his hands, took a deep breathe and closed his eyes one final time.
12. Light. Darkness. Nothing. Rush.
--Sometime in the past...
Time is irrelevant. In fact, the date is irrelevant as well—it doesn’t matter anymore, the routine he undergoes is… repetitive. For Jay time wasn’t in seconds, minutes and hours; it was divided between the time where he could sit in his apartment relaxing, and the time where he had to work, all the while plotting the various ways he was going to murder his boss. Jay was average, and although he wouldn’t admit it, and as he lay there sleeping, he upheld this title.
The room where he laid was unpleasantly ordinary to the point of boredom. The blinds almost hit the bottom of the floor, crudely suffocating the few rays of light able to permeate the darkness, while the cool air rushed from the vents above creating an eerie, yet perfect for hibernation, setting.
Over the crackled white desk that was softly fading to gray, the television was quietly preaching to the massive inert body that lay there. The nightstand to his right was covered in old magazines partially stuck to the coffee stain rings that decorated the surface. The digital clock with its menacing face being the only item able to protrude from the mess read 6:58. Two more minutes until the cycle began... Moving further around the room the half empty bookcase loomed over the dust covered desk filled with unopened business proposals, stacks of financial reports, half empty Starbucks coffee cups, a few CDs with forgotten content and a jar crammed full of loose change. Below this was the only other sign of life in the room; Riley, a small kitten which lay quietly curled in a comfortable burgundy bed. 6:59. One more minute of peace. The floor was littered with old shirts and ties, which had been thrown carelessly here and there without any shame along with an old dusty portrait of his family, which begged for the type of affection Jay had begged for from his father. The trail led to the crammed corner closet, where empty hangers waited desperately for some form of clothing to cover up their loneliness. Below the bar were empty shoe boxes which had had their original inhabitants vacated for more private matters; while the few shoes that made it near their homes lay miserably on their sides. 7:00.
Jay wrestled with the covers of his blandly colored bed, creeping in and out of reality and the dreamless state of bliss that was sleep. He slowly moved closer to the surface gasping for air until he finally broke through. Quickly fumbling around his new environment he grabbed his alarm clock and nearly hit it off the table.
“Oh great... another day in paradise,” he growled sarcastically.
Pulling the covers off his half naked body he sluggishly motivated himself towards his closet to find more suitable clothing for work. He grabbed at random shirts until he found one with the least wrinkles, all the while the rhythmic rattling of the hangers lagged into eternity. However, the sounds had not gone unnoticed.
After he had obtained suitable clothing, he calmly set them down on a near by chair and marched himself towards the bathroom while Riley joyfully danced around his feet, all the while innocently pleading for food.
“Yeah, you and me both buddy,” he kindly whispered to the kitten as if trying to keep a secret.
He barely pushed the door open before slamming his body into the mass thus forcing his way through. The sink was the first stop on his trek towards the shower. He moved up to the streak covered mirror that towered over the crème-colored granite counter top. His right hand routinely moved towards the cold water while his left hand groped blindly for the wash cloth that lay raggedly to his side. In an attempt to further wake himself up, he lowered his face towards the sink while drenching it in cold water. He waited a few seconds and then finally raised his face to the mirror where he stared at his cold, wet reflection. He stood there, immobile as if frozen in time for a few minutes. He began to move his face from side to side as if trying to break the gaze of the unfamiliar reflection. However, he was unable to shake the stranger's stare and continued to gaze into the burning eyes of his better half. He raised his hand and placed it against the glass, while his brother mirrored his actions. He quickly pulled his hand back, closed his eyes and turned away.
The shower's cold water chilled Jay to the bone, but he remained still and let the water wash his morning sorrow away. Once he felt in a better state of mind, he toweled off and returned to his room.
Upon breaching the barrier of his room, he grabbed the clothes that were lazily hanging off the top of his desk chair and attempted to dress himself in a somewhat impressive nature. Upon reaching what Jay considered perfection, he moved towards the door to begin preparing breakfast for both himself and Riley. However, before he could leave the sanctity of his room, the few rays of light that struggled to enter the room had created a glare on the portrait of his family that was unavoidable. Jay regretfully crouched down near the object that caused him so much emotional pain, turned it over a few times in his hands before deciding to use it as a mirror.
“Looking sharp...” he sarcastically sighed.
Discarding the portrait he moved around the room, taking one last look over his dominion before moving towards the doorway. The hall between his room and kitchen emulated much of the look and feel of his room; boxes of old memories carefully packed with extra strength duct tape being the prominent element. Naturally, and possibly out of habit, Jay moved past these things as if they were invisible, focusing more on his footsteps then his actual environment.
The kitchen was surprisingly clean. A few out of place cookbooks, from a time before, huddled together over the massive fridge which on a regular basis was never more than a quarter full. The counters had been recently cleared of their normal inhabitants; used knives and paper plates usually vied for control of no man's land, while forks and spoons strategically made their way towards the dishwasher. Glasses and empty wine bottles attempted to push back the invaders, but stood little chance. Today, however, the battlefield was silent... a cease fire perhaps. Jay made his way to the coffee machine for his daily dose of caffeine, but stood in front of the aged stainless-steel espresso machine in shock when he had discovered the lack of milk.
“Shit...” he silently growled.
At that very moment, Riley proudly entered the kitchen trotting his towards Jay's legs. When he reached the massive columns covered in wrinkled cotton, he proceeded to rub himself against them in a such a loving way that Jay could do little to resist his demands for food. He slowly lowered himself until he was nearly face to face with the lovable kitten.
“Time to compromise, but don't worry we'll get through this,” he proclaimed with much resolve.
He silently, but quickly, made his way back to his room and began repeatedly picking up the old coffee cups that lay on his nightstand, shaking them to check on their contents. First one... empty. Second one... empty. They say the third time's a charm, maybe this would prove true. Empty. This process continued for six more cups all the while Jay began stringing together curses under his breath with every further defeat. Finally, he came on to the tenth cup out of twelve that lay steadfast on the surface. He picked it up, shook it around and felt the weight of the possibly week old liquid shift around.
Jay marched back victoriously to the kitchen and was about to place his prize of battle in the microwave, but out of the corner of his eye he saw Riley, quietly gazing at him. For once in his life, he immediately knew what had to be done. The decision was final. He placed the half empty cup of coffee on the counter, removed the lid and poured some of the liquid into a small dish. He then took the small dish and placed it on the floor for Riley to feast on. He then observed Riley as the small kitten cautiously approached the strange liquid. He moved in and out of the dish a few times and then silently began drinking the new found source of sustenance.
“Bon appetit! It's our finest week old coffee, served out of our exclusive 60% recycled cups. Aged to perfection,” he mentioned sarcastically, much to his enjoyment.
After a few minutes of watching the kitten enjoy the coffee, he decided it was his turn and he carefully placed the prized possession in the microwave. Jay jabbed the small add 30 seconds button on the console and calmly watched the dim light appear while the quite humming quickly filled the apartment. 7:37. Jay's small amount of peace was abruptly ended when he unfortunately noticed the time. He quickly grabbed the lukewarm coffee cup out of the microwave and made his way towards the front door. On his way out he grabbed his boringly bland black work bag and slung it on his shoulder, while attempting to place his work shoes on without his hands. 7:41.
He slammed the door behind him, reluctantly attempting to loosen the rigor mortis grip his hand had on the door knob. He stared at the dull golden plate that read 22F and began to zone out, focusing on his breathing. The slow rhythmic repetition began to make him feel at peace. He stood there thinking of the first time saw this door with his (soon to be ex) girlfriend. To Jay the past was the most cheerful thing to think about especially when he usually thought about the present and even worse the future. He came back to the reality that his hand was still stuck to the door knob and every attempt to remove it failed. He slowly exhaled, closed his eyes and began to count.
“One—”
“Two—”
“Three—”
When the final number was spoken he opened his eyes and began making his way down the dimly lit hallway towards the elevators. As he made his way further from his door and closer to the elevators the lights behind him seemed to fade as the ones in front of him seemed to blind him. He quickly jabbed the small circular button with his thumb until it lit up and began pacing back and forth until he heard the familiar, yet uninviting, ding that elevators made when people were encroaching on their homes. He quickly crosses the threshold and avoided eye contact with the other prisoners, who quietly ended their conversation at the sight of an unfamiliar face. This was the usual routine of all the inmates of the large metal prison most had come to call the elevator.
Jay was fascinated by elevators and the way humans behaved in them, even though he found the very thought of one disgusting. Interactions were so unnatural once one breached the gap into the domain of the elevator and he couldn't help but sometimes stare at a couple inside, just to see what actions he could provoke. However, there was a problem. As large as his fascination was, he was also terrified of them at the same time. It worked something like this; every time the doors of the elevator Jay was standing in would close, he would silently pray to himself that the elevator wouldn't get stuck for hours or suddenly come crashing down. He wasn't scared of being stuck in the elevator per say, he was just “claustrophobic,” or so his doctor had said, but to him he didn't see the difference. Coming back to his current dilemma Jay looked up at the large LED screen that read L and instantly became grateful that his journey through the prison had ended. 7:46.
--Minutes later, outside the lobby...
The loud sounds and pungent smells of the city plagued Jay as he exited his building onto the busy intersection. He stood outside of the revolving door for a few minutes while his eyes adjusted to the bright sun. While he cursed himself for forgetting sun glasses he moved towards the corner of the street to hail a cab. Between the constant rush of cars and people around him and the lack of sleep Jay felt as if his world was slower than usual. An old yellow cab finally acknowledged Jay's pleads for transport and made its way across to him. As it stopped the squeaking of the worn down breaks caused Jay to groan in agony and he attempted to protect his ears from some unseen force with his hands. The driver opened his window and in a thick accent asked Jay where his destination was. Once the terms of the deal had been laid on the table, Jay entered the cab and it speedily took off.
The inside of the cab was like being in a different country and Jay was the only person who couldn't speak the language. He fumbled with the air conditioning controls for a few minutes only to finally realize that they were either broken or disabled. The small transparent box that contained his guide instantly became the source of most noise in the cab, as the driver seemed to be speaking to someone in this foreign language. However, Jay had not gone unnoticed as the driver would periodically look up into the rear view mirror to peek at him. The drive to his job instantly went from foreign to bizarre, and then from bizarre to anxious, finally taking one last leap from anxious to hell. Jay was paranoid of most foreigners and couldn't help but think that everyone who spoke a different language was speaking about him. As the cab approached the sidewalk that bordered his job, Jay glared at the meter which read in rather bulky red digital print 10.90 on one side and .50 on the other. He fumbled for his wallet and paid the driver in exact change, plus what he considered a friendly tip. Once the exchange of cash took place the driver wished Jay a wonderful day, or something to that extent since Jay couldn't understand him that well, and quickly took off as soon as Jay had closed the door.
Jay moved up to the intimidating large glass doors and, despite their weight, courageously opened them in one movement. Upon entering his eyes readjusted to a view of the security check point where Jim the local power hungry rent-a-cop was speaking with one of the CEOs of the company. Upon seeing an intruder Jim's conversation with the CEO instantly became hushed all the while he eyed him from a distance. As soon as Jay moved towards the turnstiles he removed his ID from his pocket and swiped it quickly across the plastic electronic reader. The reader instantly turned green and Jay was allowed passage. Proceeding to the stairs he began to think of the many ways he could pass the time today, one of his routine activities in the morning commute. As soon as Jay's hand came in contact with the emergency stairwell door, the CEO and Jim parted and he quickly made his way over to Jay.
“Where do you think you're going?” he loudly roared in a very authoritative tone.
Jay spun around with a mix of fear and surprise showing up on his face.
“Look... we go over this at least 3 or 4 times a month, I work on the second floor and I dislike taking the elevator.”
Jim adjusted his belt, grabbed his walkie talkie and moved a step closer towards Jay.
“Let me see your ID,” he bellowed.
At this point Jay had had about as much of this power hungry maniac as any normal sane person could take. He took his ID out of his pocket once more stuck it straight into Jim's face for a few seconds, pocketed it and began the trek up to the second floor. As the door closed behind him, he turned back to see a stunned Jim standing there with a blank expression on his face.
Upon reaching the second floor, Jay opened the door to a very busy and somewhat noisy labyrinth of cubicles. He navigated his way very carefully until reaching a cubicle as messy as his room. He entered the cubicle quietly and sat down in front of his computer. Next to him was a keyboard that was almost entirely drowned in a flood of papers that needed tending too, but were usually just brushed aside for more recent ones. The sides of cubicle were covered in cork boards, which at one time had contained pictures of his loved ones, but were now as barren as most of his life. The floor was home to towers of stacked binders, each with a unique name written on them, which more importantly housed empty coffee cups on their roofs. Behind him stood a small circular table covered with an amazing diversity of old take out bags and wrappers. Alone in the corner was a small clock hanging on the wall, which Jay had a special attachment too since it provided him with something to look at while sitting in his cubicle. 8:34
Sitting there in his chair, going over piles of papers that had been dropped off by one of the office delivery men, Jay began to grow tired of repeatedly sorting the same thing over and over again and began staring at the clock more and more instead. 10:29. The copier seemed like the center of attention that day at the office and that was reason enough for it to become Jay's as well. He sat there watching people conversate near this clearly sacred social object all the while imagining what they were speaking of. He thought of parties with pretty women and alcohol to drive his fears and worries away, but then he began to think of his ex and his mind went to black and thoughts of memories ruined his reality. 2:32. Jay had lunch at his desk alone as usual. A colleague of his whose name he could never remember stopped by to see how he was doing, but his gloomy attitude made the conversation last shorter than it could've. 4:56. Jay was becoming fed up with his job, life and environment as a whole by this point. He had already thrown many of the files he was given on the floor in his cubicle, picked them up and repeated the process... just to waste time. 6:21. Preparing to leave for home, he noticed it had started to rain and instantly became less gloomy. He got up from his desk and headed for the stairwell leaving the mess he had made for someone else to clean.
Jay loved the rain, but whenever someone asked him how he could love something that turned those almost perfect days into crap he never could give them a straight answer. He would always say “Well, we each have our own vices” or something else to skillfully change the topic, but deep down inside he knew the real reason. His fascination with the rain came from its similarity with his life; slowly declining until one day it would finally crash and burn at rock bottom. Depressing? Yeah, but the way Jay saw it: if his life was slowly declining, that means that at one point he was the happiest person in the world and looking back onto those days brought a smile to his face.
--Minutes later, inside his lobby...
Jay entered the lobby of his building drenched in the sweet ecstasy that he loved so much. He headed for corridor containing the elevators and found himself standing next to a small man obviously of Asian descent dressed in ordinary running clothes that were also drenched from the rain. He instantly began thinking to himself and wondered if this man liked the rain as much as he did and decided it would be worth asking.
“Great weather we've been having eh?”
The man stood there silently staring at the different elevators attempting to guess which one would arrive first. Jay assumed he hadn't heard and decided to give it another shot.
“Hey chief, how's it going? You enjoying the weather we've been getting?”
The man calmly turned to Jay, raised his shoulders and stuck his hands out as if he wasn't really sure what he thought about the weather at all. Jay decided that maybe the man was angry from being drenched or perhaps just tired from working all day so he let the notion of weather subside.
A few minutes later the elevator made a high pitched sound and they stepped towards the metal doors from which the sound had emerged. Immediately Jay became anxious to leave the elevator and placed himself in a corner where he could be supported by two sides. The Asian man entered after him and calmly pushed the button corresponding to his floor. He turned to Jay and motioned for him to do the same. Jay was reluctant at first to listen to a stranger, but nonetheless he nervously jabbed the 22 button and returned to his corner in an attempt at solitude. The elevator slowly began to climb, while the numbers on the LED screen above slowly increased. He slowly moved his hand from his side to his throat in an attempt to loosen his tie and get some fresh air, but he was interrupted by a sudden shake. The elevator had come to a halt. The lights went out and the LED screen was blank. They were trapped.
Jay fumbled for something, anything that could give him an indication of where he was all the while attempting to loosen his collar and get some fresh air, but he became disoriented the more he attempted to orient himself and slowly began to feel dizzier. He screamed out for help and began to flail only to find himself jumping in fear when the Asian man grabbed him from behind.
“We're screwed man! We're trapped and most likely nobody knows... we might even die! Holy shit... Please God help us!”
In a panicked frenzy he ran into a wall and slowly his vision began to blur. He had flashbacks of moments when he was a child and his dad had promised him he would never leave his side, but where was he now... off drinking himself to sleep no doubt.
“You lied to me you bastard! You said you'd never leave! WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU NOW?!”
He couldn't control his actions anymore. He attempted to calm himself by loosening his tie, but then realized that he had already ripped it off and accidentally torn his shirt for lack of air. He closed his eyes and tried to count.
“On... One... ”
“T... Tw... Tw... Two”
“Th... Th... Thr... Th... Thr...”
It wasn't working. His one mechanism to take control back had failed him. He slowly went and reached out for the door to his home, but the handle was locked. He attempted to unlock it, but quickly became disoriented and slammed into a pile of boxes. The boxes came crashing down on him and he fell over. He attempted to pick himself up, but he was pinned under the boxes.
In the distance he could see his father, who was running towards him. He came closer and closer, but he wouldn't make it in time. Things were becoming dark and he was losing control of his body... things were fading. He was fading. He moved his hand towards his face and all he saw was darkness, just like his world. Nothing was ever clear and he couldn't take it anymore. He used every ounce of strength left in his body to move the boxes, but he couldn't. They had all the weight of the problems in his life and he only had a little bit of resolve to move them aside.
His eyelids were now the enemy, slowly closing and finishing him off once and for all. He tried to fight it for just a bit longer so that his father could get to him and dig him out of the pile of boxes, but he was quickly losing. He closed his eyes and everything went black...
--Hours, Days and possibly Months later...
He opened his eyes, to a strange sight. He was in a cab, heading to an unknown destination. He quickly sat himself up and took a quick survey of his surroundings, but he was feeling weak.
“Where...”
He attempted to finish his question, but he felt like he was going to black out again at any moment. However, the driver had clearly understood his request and looked at him in the rear-view mirror.
“We're heading to the hospital. A crazy Asian man screaming in some odd language hauled you out of a building and put you in here. He handed me fifty bucks and I decided I better take care of you, but you looked like you were in bad shape so I decided I'd drop you off at the nearest hospital.”
Jay tried to make sense of this whole situation and the more he thought about it the more confused he became. He became angry at the fact that he was helpless and couldn't do anything to intervene.
“No... Grand Central,” he demanded as loudly as he could muster.
The driver pulled the cab to the side of an empty street, turned on the light in the front of the taxi and turned himself around.
“Are you sure man? I'll take you wherever...”
Jay nodded and the taxi sped off in a different direction. Jay knew what had to be done. He needed to leave this place, this town and maybe even this country. He couldn't take it anymore. All his emotional baggage had to be taken care of and he couldn't do that without a fresh start. He decided that upon entering he would arbitrarily pick a track and let it take him wherever.
Just minutes later, the taxi pulled up near the wooden doors. He quickly jumped out, grabbed the golden handle and flung the door open. He was instantly re-energized with his new found strength. He ran past the small televisions where hundreds of commuters huddled around for information on their trains. Past the windowed rooms where others bought tickets for their trains, while staring at the clock patiently. And past the booth in the middle of the main concourse. He made his way across the large room, weaving in and out of crowds and ducked into one of the doorways which read Track 12. Sprinting down the walkway, he quickly noticed the lack of trains around him and decided that waiting to embrace his new life would be ludicrous. He ran past the large containers for recycling newspapers and further on. He continued farther than most people ever went on the platforms and suddenly halted. He became nervous at the idea of suddenly changing his life so drastically.
He moved forward and the yellow bars on both sides of the platform seemed to close in on him. Grabbing what was left of his collar he quickly freed himself of it and gasped for what little air he could find on the dark platform. He moved closer to the edge and farther away from the lit parts of the platform all the while carefully thinking about how he should proceed. After a few seconds he stood perched over the edge of the platform staring down into the tunnel for any sign of a train, but he only say darkness. He quickly made up his mind and jumped off the edge. He began the journey into his new life one step at a time, all the while keeping his eyes on the darkness ahead... hoping to see lights at some point.
As he trudged onward he began to think about his old life that would soon be erased. He thought about how his father had never shown him any love and how he had failed so miserably at holding his relationship together. Thinking about all this began to make him become anxious for his new beginning. Deciding that it would be best to pace himself he crouched down and rested himself for a bit. While he sat there, he blindly searched for any indication of his surroundings and grabbed on to what seemed to be one of the rails of the track. It was incredible. The track had no imperfections in it and Jay was sure this was surely a hint of things to come. Unfortunately, thoughts of his current life came into mind and comparing it to the prospect of a perfect one was angering.
He slowly readjusted himself into a more comfortable position and began thinking about what he had really accomplished in his past life. Sadly, he could think of very little to add to such a list. Closing his eyes he decided it would be best to put the past behind him with one final count.
“One—”
“Two—”
“Three—”
He opened his eyes and was immediately blinded by the lights of an oncoming train. Overjoyed, he attempted to stand himself up, but ultimately decided that remaining stationary and retaining his strength for his new life was best. His excitement being what it was he was unable to contain himself and slowly pushed himself upwards.
“I SEE YOU!,” he screamed as he maniacally waved at his impending doom.
The train responded to his greeting by blasting its horns. The sound was deafening and Jay clapped his hands to his head and groaned. He looked away for a second, taking one final moment to think weather this was the best course of action... however, there was no time and he decided to stick with his original plan. He took a deep breathe, turned his head towards his new life and closed his eyes, finally embracing the good life.
12. Light. Darkness. Nothing. Rush.
