WrathMonkey
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I realize you won't understand it, and don't worry, I haven't written the next part to make it make sense. I'm just looking for commentary on the way I wrote it.. I like it, and yet I feel a little weird about it. Also, I tried really hard to describe the setting, and the way the adolescent felt about everything happening. When you read it, I'd like to hear what you think the environment looks like, an idea of what you think it might be, and how you thought the adolescent felt (see bottom for Microsoft Works version.. it looks better in that form):
His vision was blurred by the uneasiness of one coming to a realization of everything around him. His brownish hair fell into his eyes, further hampering his view before him. He brushed it away, slowly though, for what was on display was not something easily understood. Red penetrated every corner of his vision, monochromatic and yet differing in its tints and shades. The scarlet clouds rumbled with the anger of the gods, thunder crackling wildly above him. There was no sky to be seen, but worse yet, there was no discernible objects of recognition on the ground either. He stumbled to his feet atop a pinnacle of maroon rock, gasping and nearly falling off the edge of what held him so high up in the air, a thousand feet above the desolate red earth below. There was barely twenty-feet’s width of flat rock, and this was balanced atop a thinner pinnacle. To his left a man stood proudly next to him, and to his right sat another, leaning against a five-foot tall rocky outcrop on the level surface near the edge.
Cards fell to his feet, one by one, from the grasps of the man to his right. The pictures on them morphed into wicked beasts, as each lay next to the brown-haired adolescent only to be covered by another. He looked up into the eyes of the one to his right, and there was a strong sense of understanding in his unknowing fervor. He shook violently, and spun around to gape at his surroundings. The sundered earth was pockmarked with monolithic stones that were adorned with luminescent green crevices. Neon, crystalline objects thrust forth on all sides from the twisted, tilted obelisks. He looked to the one to his right, his large, stalwart face shaking in obvious disappoint with a sarcastic smile. This smile curled upwards, accompanied by a chuckle. The adolescent looked to his left, and the tall, pale man grinned at him, patting his back. The light-skinned one looked back up to the destruction. His billowing black cloak fluttered madly in the gust so high up, and his pointed, yellow spaulders only added more angles to him. His nose seemed as pointed as the shoulder pieces, and his eyebrows were pronounced.
The one in the middle shuffled backwards slightly, and no noise came as the mouth moved in reply on the pale one. The adolescent stumbled as his foot missed the edge, pulling his entire body back over the edge. In the seemingly slowed time that his body became property of gravity, he watched the faces of the other two twist into separate shapes, one surprised and alarmed, the other laughing madly. He shook his head as he slowly fell back, grabbing the air around him to no avail. As his body descended, all of his fears subsided and he fell silent. He fell forever; for an infinite, uncountable amount of time. He knew this to be true, but he still hit the ground. His mind jolted into reality as it slammed against the top of his splintering skull, his eyes wide in shock. What happened to me? he heard a voice call out in the split-second of consciousness he knew he had left. What happened? it called out.
Then, without realizing it, he cried out, “Nothing!”
~*~
His vision was blurred by the uneasiness of one coming to a realization of everything around him. His brownish hair fell into his eyes, further hampering his view before him. He brushed it away, slowly though, for what was on display was not something easily understood. Red penetrated every corner of his vision, monochromatic and yet differing in its tints and shades. The scarlet clouds rumbled with the anger of the gods, thunder crackling wildly above him. There was no sky to be seen, but worse yet, there was no discernible objects of recognition on the ground either. He stumbled to his feet atop a pinnacle of maroon rock, gasping and nearly falling off the edge of what held him so high up in the air, a thousand feet above the desolate red earth below. There was barely twenty-feet’s width of flat rock, and this was balanced atop a thinner pinnacle. To his left a man stood proudly next to him, and to his right sat another, leaning against a five-foot tall rocky outcrop on the level surface near the edge.
Cards fell to his feet, one by one, from the grasps of the man to his right. The pictures on them morphed into wicked beasts, as each lay next to the brown-haired adolescent only to be covered by another. He looked up into the eyes of the one to his right, and there was a strong sense of understanding in his unknowing fervor. He shook violently, and spun around to gape at his surroundings. The sundered earth was pockmarked with monolithic stones that were adorned with luminescent green crevices. Neon, crystalline objects thrust forth on all sides from the twisted, tilted obelisks. He looked to the one to his right, his large, stalwart face shaking in obvious disappoint with a sarcastic smile. This smile curled upwards, accompanied by a chuckle. The adolescent looked to his left, and the tall, pale man grinned at him, patting his back. The light-skinned one looked back up to the destruction. His billowing black cloak fluttered madly in the gust so high up, and his pointed, yellow spaulders only added more angles to him. His nose seemed as pointed as the shoulder pieces, and his eyebrows were pronounced.
The one in the middle shuffled backwards slightly, and no noise came as the mouth moved in reply on the pale one. The adolescent stumbled as his foot missed the edge, pulling his entire body back over the edge. In the seemingly slowed time that his body became property of gravity, he watched the faces of the other two twist into separate shapes, one surprised and alarmed, the other laughing madly. He shook his head as he slowly fell back, grabbing the air around him to no avail. As his body descended, all of his fears subsided and he fell silent. He fell forever; for an infinite, uncountable amount of time. He knew this to be true, but he still hit the ground. His mind jolted into reality as it slammed against the top of his splintering skull, his eyes wide in shock. What happened to me? he heard a voice call out in the split-second of consciousness he knew he had left. What happened? it called out.
Then, without realizing it, he cried out, “Nothing!”
~*~
I'm a bit busy with my TD map at the moment, but on my free time I'm gonna be writing more to this. It's a bit of a short chapter, especially by my standards (I usually write at least 3 pages per chapter on Word, with an upwards of eight pages), but the next chapters are going to be longer. 
