The Manticore

BANANAMAN

Resident Star Battle Expert.
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150
A lil narrative history of the Manticore from The Sectors in Strife RPG


The Manticore was originally given to Adrian while serving the Promethean army in the Rikine sector. After he learned of his other half...the protoss half,He "resigned" his post from the Promethean army and left for worlds unknown.


Im posting my Fanfics so i can receive criticism for improvement. And i need to improve for my story in This thread

Chapter 1
Adrian couldn't belive it...he was half protoss. But who was his father? Just then his com beeped. he answered it. "Sir we are now clear of Promethean space. Should i tell the wraith's to return to there hangars?" "Yes but keep a vigilant guard we don't want any surprises from the Prometheans" The manticore cruised on it's coordinates set towards a planet in sector Foxtrot. Adrian continued to brood..A few hours later the Manticore emerged from a wormhole in front of a Dark green planet."Sajiz in sighted sir. It appears that it is heavily ingulfed in protoss and zerg fighting. Sir we're being hailed by the protoss flag ship Vezan." "Very well put them through" "This is Preator Fuzan of the Saznji tribe. Identify yourselves or be destroyed. You have 10 seconds." Adrian drew a sharp breath and began to speak."I am Adrian Iron Hand former Promethean Admiral of the 21st fleet." "Promethean? seems like your a long way from home? What are you doing here?" "I and my crew have fled the Promethean army in search of a better destiny for ourselves." The protoss preator stood there speechless for a minute. Finally he spoke."Aren't we all in search for a better destiny? Nevertheless we could use some help. and your battlecruiser should provide enough support to our impending assault at a important zerg hive cluster." Adrian thought about it for the moment. Finally having decided to stay and help the protoss he spoke again. "Alright Preator I'll stay and help out" "Finally Fuzan let the Manticore pass the blockade and onto the planet's surface.

Chapter 2

The night before the main assault.

Adrian was in the protoss war room beside Preator Fuzan and Executor Axan busy discussing the assault on the main hive cluster tomorrow. Axan began to brief Adrian."Ok the zerg has heavy spore colony defense surrounding the main hive powerfull enough to take out several shuttles with ease. The 3 ramps which leads to the main hive are sealed off with heavy sunken colony defense. However Only the eastern one is guarded by a few overlords and a few spore colonies." "So what do you want me to do?" Axan's fingers pointed to the passage way on the map. 2 spore colonies are the only ones serving as detectors to several sunken colonies. Your task is to destroy both spore colonies with your yamato cannon. Our engineers have upgraded your battlecruiser so that it regenerates energy 2x as fast as it used to. After you have destroyed both spore colonies our dark templar will rush in and lay waste to the vulnerable defenses. Then Reavers will drop in and serve as back up to the dark templar. Once they have destroyed sufficient anti air defenses our main fleet shall enter the fray to mop up the remaining zerg forces." Just then a sentry burst into the room exausted. "Executor!! ZERG ARE ATTACKING!! Axan cursed. "To Arms!!" Everyone rushed outside to defend the base. "Terran!! Defend yourself!!"
Adrian generated a fairly long psi blade from both arms. Fuzan stood amazed "But.....how?" "More on that later right now we have to stem the tide!!" "Agreed" Both rushed into the melee psi blades flashing. The night was filled cries of slaughtered zerg as the Protoss pushed back the zerg forces in a bloody route. A few hours later Axan summoned Adrian to his quarters. Adrian entered to see Fuzan discussing with Axan and glancing nervously at him every now and then. Finally the Executor spoke "Explain yourself terran..."
 

Fatmankev

Chef, Writer, and Midnight Toker
Reaction score
240
Dude, you need to learn about basic sentence structure and grammar. For real. Everyone time a new person speaks, you need to start a new paragraph for them. You have some very basic punctuation issues, with periods and shit, not just commas, which is really gettin' to me. Honestly, I'd say that you need to learn more about this craft before you continue your writing. Try reading some challenging books, or even just some entertaining books; for the most part, their grammar is pretty correct. Simply reading for enjoyment will help you excel in your writing, because you'll begin to understand more of the basics behind writing.
 

thewrongvine

The Evolved Panda Commandant
Reaction score
506
Uh yeah, what fatmankev said.

Is this Starcraft based?

What's a manticore? Only manticore I know about is the mythological creature that is like a lion with spiked tail that can shoot... spikes at enemies.
 
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