The Note

[Ninva]

Alright, I gotta warn you guys that this may be considered horrible, but knowing that TH.net may be open minded to this stuff (doubt it) I'm going to post it.
The Note

EDIT: Isn't "The Note" a classic short story? Oh well, I don't care.

 

[thewrongvine]

WELL... certainly interesting.

They were siblings you say?

 

[Fatmankev]

Sorry I can't read this right now; I'm almost too drunk to see straight. But I promise I'll read it by the end of the weekend, and probably before noon tomorrow. I'm a slacker. Oh well. Love ya, world. Peace.

 

[WastedSavior]

I was a bit disappointed when the "note" was finally revealed, i was expecting her to be pregnant or something similarly dramatic. But i suppose it had a desired affect. My heart wrenched from the first of her last words.

Im a bit curious as to the inspiration of this? It is a bit unusual and i expect it'd be a hard one to write clearly and consciously from first person point of view.

 

[Ninva]

Ha, I don't have a sister, nor am I attracted to any of my younger siblings. The inspiration for this story came when I was driving around in a cemetery, and that was that. I never thought of anything more until a week later. This was the final result. I guess the real trick is empathy.
I loved the last words from his sister. I thought it totally brought the whole story together, so I planned to write them at the end instead of the beginning, which I originally planned. I could have made her pregnant to improve the plot, but this wasn't really about keeping a plot a live. Very few of my stories are written in that way (all the others remain on my desk, and they have been the type of stories I've been writing since my last story).
I did write a very long story about a man who could not die. I'll post it if I really want to revise that story... It's a lot more gripping than my other short stories and it's much longer.

Thank you for reading. I was almost sure that no person would read such a tale, or even post anything about it. You proved me wrong though, and I'm also glad to hear that it brought some emotion. Thanks again for all the feedback.

 

[Fatmankev]

Not bad.
As usual, the grammar, some word placement, and other such nonsense could be improved if you chose to revise this, which would be a good move in my opinion.
Also, very interesting story. I don't think I've ever read any prose dealing with incest, but I personally didn't find it offensive in the least. I don't know, though, maybe I'm a little too liberal at times. Anywho, your personal, unique writing style was clearly evident in this piece, and the story flowed at a rate that kept me reading. It's kinda sad how everyone's lives were ruined and/or taken from them in this story, and how nothing good ever happened to the main character again... I like happy endings to the stories I read, especially if they come at a price.
But yeah, good to see you're still writing, Ninva. Keep up the good work 'n what not.

 

[Ninva]

Thanks for your kind words, Kev.

 

[Fatmankev]

Thanks for your kind words, Kev.

But despite how I enjoyed your story, the manner in which you present your e-smiley face bothers and offends me.

 

[Halahan]

interesting.
can I say more?

 

[esb]

It's actually really good. The writing style is great, and Hooray for open-minded people!

About the actual plot and story, it was a good theme. Something not many would dare write about, but it probably happens quite often. Hmm... The whole story I thought the family was asian (probably because of the last thread I read before this ) Until the end I realized the names don't seem asian, nor the location. Anyway, it's great. I love your work, keep writing!!! =D

 

[Ninva]

But despite how I enjoyed your story, the manner in which you present your e-smiley face bothers and offends me.

LOL im jk! )))))):
lmao u kool, right?

interesting.
can I say more?

It's actually really good. The writing style is great, and Hooray for open-minded people!

Thanks, guys.

 

[Seb!]

Nice, I liked it. Especially the ending where he finds out what it said.. Very well written sentences imho.

 

[Halo_king116]

Very, very well done.

I can say little more. That, or I don't need to.

It was interesting, well paced, and had a good theme.

Great job.


(I did, however, noticed a few grammatical errors. That, or I need to perfect my own grammar)


EDIT: I just thought about this at school today. The Note gives me that feeling I got from the story in V for Vendetta, about the two lesbian lovers - It had the same tone to it I think.

 

[thewrongvine]

You mean the ones that supposedly shared the fake "Cell" that V put the girl in? Lol, they were strange. What was their note again?

 

[Halahan]

when I said interesting, I'm so used to you writing so well that I forgot to mention it. Just always assume that your work is awesome when I comment on it unless I say otherwise

 

[Seb!]

You mean the ones that supposedly shared the fake "Cell" that V put the girl in? Lol, they were strange. What was their note again?

It was like 9 pages long and talked about the first girls life and imprisonment. My avatar planted it.

 

[Ninva]

when I said interesting, I'm so used to you writing so well that I forgot to mention it. Just always assume that your work is awesome when I comment on it unless I say otherwise

Aw, thanks Hal.