hortononon
"I give em the hip then I take it away"-Jim Thorpe
- Reaction score
- 29
The other side MAP
The Other Side
- Thread starter hortononon
- Start date
Halahan
To die will be an awfully big adventure.
- Reaction score
- 52
Not bad. The beginning: We realize the wall is big. we got that...
Don't get caught up in using to many random words in italics.
Pretty good
Don't get caught up in using to many random words in italics.
Pretty good
Miz
Administrator
- Reaction score
- 424
I like the weird words
I also like the hidden stuff because you know they did a crime and got framed but it seems to be a good story
I also like the hidden stuff because you know they did a crime and got framed but it seems to be a good story
hortononon
"I give em the hip then I take it away"-Jim Thorpe
- Reaction score
- 29
well ur gunna see alot of em cuz thats the language they use on the east side.. ull learn that later in the story..
thnx for the input, ill start wrkin on 1st chapter soon
Halahan
To die will be an awfully big adventure.
- Reaction score
- 52
alright... but for example... you technically shouldn't need a glossary, because you should be explaining what each word means when you say it in the text, unless someones speaking and you don't want people to know what he/she is saying.
hortononon
"I give em the hip then I take it away"-Jim Thorpe
- Reaction score
- 29
its not neccesary for them to know it, when its important for them to understand what it means i will
right now i just added a glossary for something extra, but mainly to help them pronounce my words.
Pineapple
Just Smile.
- Reaction score
- 576
QFT!
I( seriously stopped reading becuase everything i read was about how big the wall was.
hortononon
"I give em the hip then I take it away"-Jim Thorpe
- Reaction score
- 29
alright i made some little changes to the prolouge so as to appease the gods( Halahan and Pineapple) i edited the whole story again, not just the wall part...
well then, just think of it as a first chapter
well then, just think of it as a first chapter
Halahan
To die will be an awfully big adventure.
- Reaction score
- 52
Qft?
PurgeandFire
zxcvmkgdfg
- Reaction score
- 509
hortononon
"I give em the hip then I take it away"-Jim Thorpe
- Reaction score
- 29
ya i knew QFT,
but i thought FTW was "for those wondering..."
w/e ftw.
have a nice day
but i thought FTW was "for those wondering..."
w/e ftw.
have a nice day
hortononon
"I give em the hip then I take it away"-Jim Thorpe
- Reaction score
- 29
bump.
first chapter done.
have a splendid evening.
first chapter done.
have a splendid evening.
Halahan
To die will be an awfully big adventure.
- Reaction score
- 52
Its ok. Take out that thing with the pigs and Troy. Its worthless ramblings of background information that is to much of any kind unless its interesting. All it is is about a pig...
I forget the rest because I read through it really fast. might read it again later.
I forget the rest because I read through it really fast. might read it again later.
hortononon
"I give em the hip then I take it away"-Jim Thorpe
- Reaction score
- 29
bump.
added a map, revised the prolouge and 1st chapter, and changed font so it looks really cool now
have a good day.
added a map, revised the prolouge and 1st chapter, and changed font so it looks really cool now
have a good day.
Halahan
To die will be an awfully big adventure.
- Reaction score
- 52
stop it with the have a good day. You saying that won't change it if its good or bad : /
"Isaac flew open the back door of a butchery shop, and slipped into an imperceptible corner, reluctantly hiding from anyone who might have actually seen him commit the crime. "
sounds like your trying to use big words. imperceptible is a bit much, maybe 'a hidden corner' or 'unnoticeable corner'. I don't really understand the reluctantly. why would he be reluctant to hide from a crime he didn't commit?
The map... its fine, but its dang small
"Isaac flew open the back door of a butchery shop, and slipped into an imperceptible corner, reluctantly hiding from anyone who might have actually seen him commit the crime. "
sounds like your trying to use big words. imperceptible is a bit much, maybe 'a hidden corner' or 'unnoticeable corner'. I don't really understand the reluctantly. why would he be reluctant to hide from a crime he didn't commit?
The map... its fine, but its dang small
hortononon
"I give em the hip then I take it away"-Jim Thorpe
- Reaction score
- 29
2nd chapter up and running
Miz
Administrator
- Reaction score
- 424
Anyway nice story still
Keep it up ^^
Have a Doomy Night
Keep it up ^^
Have a Doomy Night
hortononon
"I give em the hip then I take it away"-Jim Thorpe
- Reaction score
- 29
just got off of winter break, and wrote another chapter (its short, so no pain to read)
oh, and by the way,
BUMP^
oh, and by the way,
BUMP^
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