The Plague and War of Wolves

Prometheus

Everything is mutable; nothing is sacred
Staff member
Just started writing today.
What do you think?

My Story said:
The Plague and War of Wolves
By KC


There it came, hurtling through the air like a gun shot. It smacked Roku hard in the chest, throwing him back against the stone wall behind him, he let out a cry. Grunting from the attack, Roku stood up and studied his opponent. “What a creature” Roku thought, it stood at about 8 foot, and had about 4 inch long nails, sharp enough to cut steel with no effort. It had the head of a wolf along with dark, gray fur running all over him. His feet were hairy with 1 inch claws, digging into the ground like cleats. It had wings, four of them. They were thin and leathery but his wingspan was about 12 feet and they could produce quite a gust. Then, there was its tail, it was razor sharp and looked like it could stab just about anything, plus it had spikes curved down on the sides, so it hurt even more when it pulled its tail out.

Roku looked down at himself. He was far from normal. He was about 6 foot. His black hair was about 3 feet long and streamed down around his head. He wore a black leather chest plate with a lice little plate of steel behind it. He had strong hands, each one had ring with a detailed pattern so when he punched, it looked like a brand. That was over his pitch black gloves, they had tiny points at the ends which were connected to a poison chamber, the poison stunned in his left hand, and killed in his right; he could retract the points at will, which he was doing now. His red belt had a sword hanging from the right side, it had a dragon hilt with the end turning into a dragon’s mouth with very sharp teeth, everything had to be a weapon. The sword itself was the sharpest object that had been created in his time. His hilt had been enchanted so it would stay intact. On the left side of his best, an ornamental hilt stood above the intricate sheath about 3 feet long. Roku rarely used this, it looked like a stick attached to a nice hilt but it was able to fire magical charges faster then an eye can see. His pants were dark but a bit loose. A simple dagger, in a thin sheath was attached to the left side. His boots were quite unique. They were pitch black, all you ever saw was a black shoe. They had pure black spikes attached all around the shoe and on the bottom so he could stab with them easily.

The beast charged, Roku jumped to the side, barely dodging the claw. He rolled and got up. The creature turned to face him but Roku drew his sword, fast as lightning, out and parried the attack. The beast’s tail had knocked the sword right out of Rokus hand. Growling angrily, Roku pulled out his dagger and with expert precision, it hit the right hand of the beast. The beast roared with fury. Thunder clapped in the distance and rain began to fall, the lightning illuminated the surrounding area. They were in an area about a good amount of yards apart. On three sides stood large stone walls, the other side was a dense forest. The beast pulled out the dagger and let it drop to the ground. You could visibly see the wound start to regenerate. Yelling out a curse, Roku pulled out the spell shooter. He took aim. The beast charged. Roku aimed. Fired. Seven shots hit the beast, it went flying backwards. Roku looked around; no sign of the beast. He imagined that he could have killed it, but thought, probably not. He looked around, looking for the beast. A flash of lightning shot off in the distance, he looked to his side…..there was the beast, 1 foot away. It grabbed him but the chest, digging painfully in. It didn’t pierce him but the pressure was almost unbearable. He began to black out but with a last ounce of control, he began to transform. He looked down and groaned when he saw all of his weapons lying in the dirt. Then he felt the effects begin. He felt the familiar numb tingling, like when your leg becomes asleep. His legs and arms pulled in and shrunk, his chest retracted, and he absorbed his clothes, a useful part of his transformation. Spikes appeared all over him, even on his feet. His head rounded and his eyes stretched out. Poisoned spikes appeared on his four feet, 3 in front on the front paws and same thing on the back, but a back spike too; the back spike was not poisoned though. A tail shot out of his back area and the end burst into flame.

Startled by the change, the beast let go of Roku. They were only about 10 feet up so Roku was able to roll out of the fall. He turned and looked up at his flying foe. The beast roared with renewed vigor and zoomed at him from the sky. Roku expected this, most of the beasts that he had fought had a similar strategy. Roku rolled jumped up at the beast with his back face up, this was going to hurt him, but the beast much more. Blood, guts and Roku went flying everywhere. Roku landed with a thud in the ground, spikes on his back filled with chunks of the beast; then he blacked out.

Sun shown down on a bloody arena. Bits and pieces of the beast from last nights fight lay around the area, and splattered on the walls; only one thing stirred, Roku. A tall man stood up, stained with red. He looked around at the surrounding scene and nodded. Walking around he slowly picked up his weapons and sheathed them. “I have to figure out what to call these dam beasts!” He thought. He began walking towards the forest and saw something out of the corner of his eye. It was in the forest and looked curios. Roku kept walking and went into the forest, to see if the being would follow him or not. As he walked, he saw something darting around in the trees, on the ground and such. After a while Roku stopped and said “You aren’t a skilled tracker, I’ve known you were there since I walked into this forest”

Something dropped down behind Roku and blunt sword ran across his neck. “Don’t move” it said. It sounded like an adolescent, about 16 years of age. Roku know what to do, he jabbed a hand up and the person let go of the sword, he then jabbed the person in the ribs with his other hand, sending him back and to the ground. Swinging around, Roku drew his sword and turned to face the person. It was an adolescent; he only looked about 14 and by his facial expression, was terrified. Roku pointed the sword at the kid’s throat and said “Who are you and what do you want?” The kid said shakily, “I’m Hu-Ro and I live in this forest, you looked like a good person to rob for provisions.” Roku sheathed the sword and said “So, you’re one of the plague and war survivors.” Images flooded Roku’s head, the world had been in peace, and then these wolf type creatures had attacked out of no where. They came across the land, destroying many civilizations, old and new. It was like a plague. Everyone they bit turned into a wolf type creature and their army grew vast and strong. Only one civilization remained, they had built vast, tall walls and the wolf creatures were not able to scale these. That city was called Muteki.

Suddenly broken out of his daze, Roku saw Hu-Ro getting up. “My name is Roku” he said extending his hand to shake Hu-Ro’s. Hu-Ro looked at it suspiciously then shook it. “Want to join up with me? I’m going to Muteki.” Hu-Ro agreed. Hu-Ro knew the forest well and he and Roku navigated through it. After 2 days of traveling, they came to the edge of the forest. As they walked out, an arrow flew past them, then 5 wolf things appeared. “Werewolves!” muttered Hu-Ro. “So that’s what there called!” said Roku. He drew his magic blaster and fired off a couple of shots at a werewolf. It dodged and they all charged. Hu-Ro charged at one with his sword swinging madly. Roku knew it was suicide to do that so he fired off a succession of shots, gaining the deadly attention of the four other werewolves. They charged at him and he began to fire his weapon like mad. The smell of burnt flesh filled the air as to werewolves stopped in their tracks and looked down a several holes in their body. The blasted stopped firing, Roku had used all its energy with those high-powered shots. Growling, he stuck the blaster back in its case and drew his sword. He dashed to the left so he could attack one of the werewolves before the other one could reach him. These werewolves were weak, obviously new. The one he had fought several days ago was a veteran. The werewolf opened his jaws and lunged at Roku, Roku thrust his sword out and the werewolf impaled itself. Blood squirted out and all over Roku, while some guts fell on the ground. Roku wiped away the blood and turned to face the other werewolf.

Hu-Ro swung, it missed. The werewolf brought down its claws towards Hu-Ro’s torso, he stepped back. He swung the sword around, aiming a shot at the head. The werewolf lunged with its teeth at Hu-Ro, Hu-Ro brought up his foot and pushed the werewolf back, the sword connected, smashing the werewolf’s skull and mushing its brain.

Roku pulled out his dagger and sent it whistling at the werewolf. He then charged after it. The beast dodged to the left and Roku came running up, slashing a blow from below. The beast jumped back and swung out a claw, it sent the sword clattering to the ground. Roku jumped back and felt the familiar tingling sensation. The werewolf looked puzzled at this and stood there watching. Roku, now transformed, dashed at the beast, claws outstretched. The beast barely had time to dodge and Roku nicked its side. Roaring in anger, the beast charged at Roku. Roku did the same, in turn, and the beast rammed right into his spikes. A soft squishing noise was heard and blood began streaming down Roku. Roku then shook the body off and morphed back into his human form, clothes all bloody. Hu-Ro walked over to him and said “Four werewolves, dam your good.” Roku nodded his head in agreement and said “We have at least another days worth of traveling, let’s get moving.” Roku began to walk then stopped, “Look out for anyone suspicious, were obviously being hunted. They began walking over hills and through streams for several hours, then night set. They set up a light camp and a tent, and went to sleep. In the middle of the night, Roku awoke to the soft sounds of padded feet. He drew his blaster and burst out of the tent. A startled raccoon jumped back and into the bushes. Just then, a stream of light shone through the trees and a bird began to caw. Roku went back into the tent and woke Hu-Ro. “Come’on, its dawn and we need to get moving.” Hu-Ro grumpily awoke and they packed up. After several hours of walking, they reached the zenith of a hill and in the distance, they saw a huge wall, but was more alarming was that there was about 20 werewolves, and they had broken through the wall!

Roku and Hu-Ro dashed along the hill and onto the plains, running at the breached wall. When they got close enough to see how the battle was going, it wasn’t good. The werewolves were slowly pushing back the guarding humans. These werewolves weren’t new, they had been around quite a long time. There was one strange thing about this fight, the Werewolves weren’t biting. Roku and Hu-Ro ran closer, there were dead bodies littering the ground, mostly humans but one or two werewolf bodies. Roku took out his shooter and shot a few highly charged blasts at the werewolves; the blaster went dead. Looking down for a second, Roku heard a human scream and 2 howls of pain. He looked to see that 2 of the blasts had his werewolves, burning a hole right through them, and one had killed a human; the rest had missed. Roku quickly counted the remaining werewolves, 13 in all. The largest one in the group howled a few times and 3 of the werewolves detached themselves from the main ground and attacked Roku and Hu-Ro.

Two came charging and one came after them. Roku threw his dagger at the leg of one of the werewolves, it missed. The werewolf suddenly put on a burst of speed, Roku drew his sword but the beast knocked it away with one sure strike. The spikes on Roku’s gloves extended and he aimed a punch with his left hand, at the werewolf. Only one knuckle skimmed the werewolf, but that was enough to inject a little of the stunning poison into it. It attacked and Roku kept on dodging, getting hit a few times during this, then the poison took effect. The werewolf’s movement slowed greatly and almost stopped. Roku dashed up, wincing at his several wounds covering his body, and stuck his right fist into the werewolf’s chest, injecting a large amount of killing poison into it, and killing it.

During this time, Hu-Ro had been fighting the other werewolf. It had a guerilla warfare type tactic. It kept on lunging up, slashing, and stepping back. Hu-Ro kept on parrying, trying to find a weakness in his strategy. Finally, he found one. One second before striking, the werewolf would lock his hand back. Hu-Ro parried a little more, and then struck. His sword stabbed right through his left arm, and into his body; it sent blood flying everywhere. The third werewolf took this opportunity to attack Hu-Ro.

Suddenly, an arrow flew out from beyond the hills and pierced right through the 3rd werewolf’s head. A shout of triumph came from the hills; an archer ran down to Roku and Hu-Ro. “Just in time!” he said. “Who are you?” asked Roku. “We’ll deal with that later, just call me help.” With that said, Roku, Hu-Ro and “help” ran towards the attacking group. Several other bodies littered the ground and 2 more werewolf corpses too. “That leaves 8 left” Roku muttered to himself. “help” shot 5 arrows into the crowd of werewolves and humans. One human fell, and one werewolf fell. One of the men yelled “Help has arrived! Look, its Daru and he brought friends!” Daru brought out a sword and charged it right into a werewolf. The one next to it, turned to attack him but there was Roku blocking the attack with his sword. Roku then cut off the Werewolf’s head. Two men were fending off a werewolf and Hu-Ro joined the men, they succeeded in killing it. The remaining four took a chance and ran off.

The men cheered and a trumpet blew. All of the dead men and werewolves’ heads’ were cut off and burned, just to make sure. The wall was patched and strengthened. Roku, Hu-Ro, and Daru were given a feast and joined the elite guard. The war still raged on and the humans fought bravely, but this is all I will say, let more be known in the next chapter.
 

Halahan

To die will be an awfully big adventure.
For starters, the 'BAM CLANG BOOM BOOMCHIKA etc. etc.' make it sound more childish, so like for ex. on the lighting, "Clouds formed above there head with ominous quickness, and soon rain fell filled the sky and lighting rolled across the dark landscape."

That sounds much better. Then with all the action, Since your telling it at such his perspective, maybe elaborate, such as 'he panted heavily, shaking his fur. Evil it was.' Or something like that. Idk, these came off the top of my head, but their pretty good if i do say so myself :rolleyes:
But not bad action, pretty believable, maybe describe the transformation more. like what his body parts morph into and such.
And it would sound much better with a short paragraph in italics (provided that everything else wasn't) that explained a few things like a prologue, with suspense that made the other have more of a history and less of just a mindless battle. Try to make these changes.

But it was pretty good...
 

Prometheus

Everything is mutable; nothing is sacred
Staff member
For starters, the 'BAM CLANG BOOM BOOMCHIKA etc. etc.' make it sound more childish
How so? Its onamonapoea.
It lets you know what they heard.

Also, any ideas for a title or a different name, Roku sounds a bit off-ish.
 

sqrage

Moderator
Staff member
>>How so? Its onamonapoea.
No it's not, those words have no meaning, they are called sound effects. I agree, it is childish.

Too many measurements and not enough descriptions that are actually worth trying to imagine, in my opinion.
Also for some reason I feel that it's a list instead of a story, you point out too many useless things.
 
There really isn't that much making this a story other than you just calling it. The sentences don't work well together at all really, you don't stick with one thing in a paragraph, you jump from one thing to another. You don't need to put in as many exact measurements that you did, not every little detail in a story needs to be known.

Also, way too many onomatopoeia's in one story. At most you should only use one or two. It makes it seem like it's really childish, or someone who overdramatizes everything. If you take a few of them out, and work on making the sentences flow better together then this has the promise to be a good story.
 

Prometheus

Everything is mutable; nothing is sacred
Staff member
So many measurements because its good to know how much of an advantage the thing fighting you has.
~Updated~
 
It's better, and the measurements don't detract from the story as much anymore.
 

Prometheus

Everything is mutable; nothing is sacred
Staff member
Its meant to grab you, you'll find out more as the story move on.
Its like that because I really have no idea what the story is going to be and I just wright what ever comes to my head.
 

Halahan

To die will be an awfully big adventure.
Thats fine, but write always with an end in mind, or it wont turn out nearly as good.
 

Sir Gordon

Decent User (I'm as good as you)
Eh, it's cool as a story.

>much better, still maybe do a small prologue.
In my thoughts, very intense stories don't use prologues at all.
 

Halahan

To die will be an awfully big adventure.
Yes but it gives much more meaning to the story but doesn't take away action if its short at the top, also gives it much more all-around body
 

Prometheus

Everything is mutable; nothing is sacred
Staff member
I got a name, The Plague and War of Wolves.

I need to finish the story today so its going to be crappy but I will probably get around to fixing it up.
Could a mod change the title to "The Plague and War of Wolves"?
 

Halahan

To die will be an awfully big adventure.
First of all, the battle, lead up to it a bit more, not just all of a sudden they were battling werewolves. I KNOW it was a surprise attack but that doesn't matter. Second, don't put apostrophes around help, sounds unnatural. Just 'help shot an arrow' or whatever. Third, 'the Plague and war of wolves' is to long and rather repetitive. The war of something is overused, and t he plague of wolves explains to much. Try like 'A plague of enemies' or 'a plague of teeth' or something.
The battle seems like they won to easily, and you don't have to keep pointing out how many are left. Do it in a more action way, not just a guy watching and writing down on the sidelines. Still seems a little like a list.
Not bad though. ;)
 

Prometheus

Everything is mutable; nothing is sacred
Staff member
Like I said before, its crappy and short because I had to finish it in one day.
I will probably go back and rewrite it from the part where someone drops down behind Roku.
Probably no Hu-Ro or Daru.
 
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