The Saga of Immortals

[Arcane]

Comments and criticism welcomed.

 

[Halahan]

Very good, not to much detail, not to little. Try a bit stronger hook at the beginning though, I didn't really want to read on until the third paragraph. Finish it, I need to see what happens next lol.

 

[Stinman]

That was really good, you used good detail in every part, although you NEED to finish it so i can see what happens next. But other than that I thought that it was really good.

 

[Halahan]

I just read it again, maybe change the name Arcane, thats a common word in fantasy stories, even if you are using it for a name.

 

[Arcane]

Really? I barely see it, maybe it's just me...

But I like the name Arcane. It fits well with his last name I think: Ravius.


Edit: I'm still continuing this, it's just that I haven't been in the mood lately. Maybe this weekend.

 

[Halahan]

I think you should use the last name as his first, and don't give him a last name.

 

[Arcane]

UPDATED. Took me a long time, but hey, I wasn't in the mood. I hope I'm not 'dragging' the beginning, cause I'm afraid it might get a little boring and chase readers away... though a lot of action is coming soon.


Strong hook? The third paragraph is still on the first page! Surely you don't judge a book by it's first two paragraphs!

Yeah, well, I'm keeping the name until somebody else complains. No other name seems right for him, since he's been with me for... a year.

 

[R@d14nc3]

very good ^^

 

[Arcane]

Oooooooooooooooooh yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!

Congratz to me!

I have just finished the FIRST CHAPTER of THE SAGA!

ENJOY! (First post.)



*Hem* Anyways. I felt like I was writing the story way too slow, so I decided to speed up a bit. So now, I'm going to be updating one chapter at a time.

Feel free to tell me that speeding up was a stupid idea and it ruined the entire story. I'm not too sure about this myself.

 

[Halahan]

Incredible! really stupendous... at the end I was like, "WHAT. but what happens NEXT!"
but you really got it going great there. I just realized everything in the elite is discovered waAY to fast. I just thought of something so totally ownage it just might work. You kinda gave me the idea (not from your story, but how the plot is organized) so thx!
but really great... I'm not sure I have any criticism for it.... oh identify the person a bit more near the end, if you can. maybe give a bit more original name to evil then, "The Dark." I like it, but it isn't that original.

Awesome!

 

[Arcane]

Heh heh. *Laughs weakly* And I was worried about the reaction I would get for this update.

Glad you liked it.


Which person BTW?

Edit: The Dark, heh. I can't really think of another name for 'evil'. Oh well, if something comes to me, I'll change it, if nothing comes...

 

[Halahan]

which person BTW?

What's BTW again?

(edit) hey and I'm almost completely rewriting the first two chaps of the elite, so look foward to a revised and tell me which you like better. thx lol

Oh, and seemed really long for one chapter (your story)

 

[Arcane]

BTW = By The Way


Sure

Well, yeah, I'm hoping to get it... er... into a real book.

 

[Halahan]

I know that. But its not a novel yet. It becomes a novel when i say so lol.

lol I am too.

 

[Halahan]

Alright I'm kinda've bumping this up because I think its really good and I want some others to read it. Don't know where massinfantry is...

 

[Arcane]

Still here, and still alive. Just busy + lazy + writers block.

The Second Chapter is being worked on though.

 

[Arcane]

Finally, an update, after so long. I apologize to anybody who actually cares.

Two pages and a half I think, of Chapter Two has been written. Nothing major is, or will be revealed yet. I know I'll have to very soon in order to properly continue, but I'm trying to delay unmasking the plot as long as I can.

Well, enjoy!

(The attachment on the first post of this thread has been updated, instead of putting it in this post.)

 

[Halahan]

I definitely DO care! One of the best I've read on TH.
I don't feel like reading right now, but trust me I will definitely come back to it.

 

[Halahan]

Alright I got around to it.

In the beginning, describe everything more so the reader feels the immense changes in setting.
You say Arthias too much. Use some more pronouns when it works.

Overal, 4/5. It was very good, but not incredible. I really liked it.
Oh, and when he wakes up. Describe that scene more too.

 

[Arcane]

A very, very tiny update. Mostly to get me back into the writing mood.

I described the town with more detail - mingling some sights I saw on the weekends with my imagination - edited out some excess "Artheis" words (thanks Halahan), and also put down another small nightmare of Arcane, which I might be changing later on when my writing style has recovered.

I already have the entire second chapter planned out however, so if I am not overly disturbed by school work, or struck by a sudden laziness, then I can have it finished soon. Though really, that may not be a good thing, because the story after chapter two is still on very shaky ground - to tell the truth, I'm starting to have doubts about the plot the way I imagined it at first. I'll keep at The Saga of Immortals however, as I already put a lot of time and effort into it, and I feel that it is one of my greater accomplishments in writing.

(I do have a backup story in case The Saga of Immortals just doesn't work out in the end though. And I gotta admit, that one was planned out way better than The Saga, and has more or less the same amount of depth if it turns out alright.)


Anyways, I'll stop talking now. As usual, I updated the first post in the thread instead of resubmitting it here. Enjoy!