The Song of the Siren

[Chao]

Here's a poem I wrote when I was in high school (no reference to DotA, assured! ) that I thought I'd share with you all. I've got a couple like this that I thoroughly enjoy, I'm happy to post 'em from time and again. As with all work that I'll produce, feedback is welcome.

The Song of the Siren
By: Kevin Stanfield

The Siren’s song
The haunting glow
The Sea
Her Waves are swift
They take the sand
By rocky hand
And send it all
Adrift
The Siren’s song
Wails like the same
Her voice
Is grain like coals
Unlike the wakes
The Siren takes
The completeness of our
Souls
The Siren’s song
Is heard at times
When hatred
Fills the lungs
And when you leave
Before you
Breathe
The Siren’s song is sung.
So be aloft
Of happy heart
And happy will
You stay
No taking back
A heart of black
She’ll sing
Your Heart
Away.

 

[esb]

Hmm, for some reason this poem makes me feel like I can drown my worries, sadness, and hate on the sirens. Like they can sing it out. Which would be relevant to humans screaming
While the poem seems to me to be about something negative, it makes me feel positive and relax. I can't exactly define what it is, but it just does. Maybe it's the last 3 lines.
Really good poem, it's short and to the point, yet descriptive and captures one's feelings.

 

[Halahan]

Really, really great. all comes together perfectly at the end

Edit: though I do agree with Ninva a bit, you could add a few commas here and there at least

 

[Ninva]

Hm, I think you should add punctuation in this poem. I just didn't catch a flow with this one, so maybe a few periods and commas would help.

 

[Fatmankev]

Really enjoyed this one, bud. Sirens are an interesting subject and I found the scheme and format of your poem both fluid and compelling. Nicely done, and I'd be happy to see what else you've written sometime.