Twas A Dark Night Before Christmas

DogOfHavoc

Future Tragedy
I liked the beginning but it got weaker as it went on. The flow seemed to be erratic and disrupted at points.



"As dark blood that after the massacre dry,
When my familly's spirits meet heaven, go into the sky."

This doesn't flow.

I also think if you use words like 'round instead of around and 'cross instead of across you would be able to make it flow better throughout.


Overall I liked it, I just think you could tighten it up a bit.
 

DM Cross

You want to see a magic trick?
Staff member
Read the lines out loud and tell me what's wrong with it.

Keep in mind punctuation marks a pause. So every comma is a pause in the sentence. Incorporate that into what you say out loud.
 
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