Two Poems

Halahan

To die will be an awfully big adventure.
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52
These are two of my poems that I think are pretty good. I don't really write poetry and I'm not aiming to be extremely proficient at it but comments and crits welcome.

Broken End

The leaves lay dry,
We decay,
The suns stopped shining,
It’s darkened days…
Smoke, ash glow-
Eyes look through the gloom
We ask why so saddened?
What impending doom?
They gave us that look
That makes you want to fly
Then cry…
Then try to run from the world…



Live

I watched my life slip through the sands of time,
Wondering what was happening to me.

I saw my life sink below the ocean’s waves,
Wondering why didn’t God come rescue me.

I cried as my life crumbled against time’s tide.
Wondering why time wouldn’t let me be.

Then right before my lungs were done,
My heart was spent,
My will long bent,
I asked myself,

Why was I watching?
 

Xapphire

Liberty, Simply said; a lie.
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45
I think you should fix the ending on the last one, as it in my opinion, though makes sense, it doesn't really have that flow, nor does it explain enough for it to truly make sense, and it would be a better poem with it, other then that, outstanding!
 

Halahan

To die will be an awfully big adventure.
Reaction score
52
yeah, that was the part I least liked, but I tend to be lazy :thup:. Thanks
 
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