Things have been going great for me these days, so much so that I was beginning to have a strong case of the Smug. It happens to everyone, especially those who feel extremely lucky or extremely clever enough to have had fortune smile on them for a such a long while. So when I came home at like 3:30 AM from meeting up a friend to the retching smell of vomit wafting from the direction of my dorm I blocked out the feelings of alarm and surprise, choosing instead to feel the Smug. When I opened the door, the Smug melted away along with my scent of smell. The living room was a mess. The kitchen was a disaster. The sofa looked like someone had taken a huge bite out of it, with cushions and fluff and bottles of beer strewn across the floor. The coffee table was upturned and a strong skunk-like smell hung over the arid air. You couldn't even see the damn ground. There was someone bent over the sink, unconscious with vomit leaking out of his mouth. I stared blankly at what looked like the remains of a warzone, trying and failing to summon up the Smug to replace my complete confusion. I heard someone move inside his room, and I cautiously kicked it open to see my roommate spinning around in his chair with a beer in one hand and what looked like weed in the other. Beneath the chair was like a MOUNTAIN of bottles of beer. It was piled as high the chair base. There must've been like twenty or thirty. So I asked him what the fuck was going on and I bet he really tried hard to answer, but I couldn't really get much out of "mmmphraaggggghhhh-blerggghhh". At this point the guy at the sink slipped off and sent a plate spiraling to the ground, where it shattered at the base of what looks like a trail of vomit leading to the bathroom where the door was half closed. From inside I could hear the water running, there was water leaking from the door too. This meant that no matter how hard I wanted to excuse myself from revealing whatever it was that laid behind Mystery Door no.1, I had to do it. Having the Smug firmly abandon me to my fate, I opened the door. I looked in to see like two guys [with their pants on, no shirts] in the shower. Just lying in there holding each others' hands. They looked like they were about to fall asleep, only that the water would wake them up by entering their opened mouths. Everything in that room was covered in vomit, which included the mirror, the tiles, the sink, the shower, and the two people occupying it. The toiler was the worst, I bet being completely drunk and high did little to help their aim, as the area AROUND the toilet was covered in chunky yellow vomit. I looked back at the two guys who looked very content with holding each others' hands tightly in the shower. I had to fight the urge to switch the water to Freaking Ice Cold instead of turning it off. So I turned back to the guy who was STILL twirling around in his chair that threatened to tip over and yelled at him, "What the fuck is going on?" The guy tried to stand up and then tipped over into the miniature mountain of bottles. He started laughing and then fell asleep instantly. It was all silent. Well, almost. Across in the other room I heard something clicking repeatedly. I opened the door a crack to see two people staring at the ceiling light with their mouths opened in awe as one of them repeatedly turned the light on and off. They just sat there, staring at the light. So I did the only thing I could do. I went into my room, locked the door behind me firmly, changed into my shorts and wrapped myself in my nice clean blankets as I stared at my door watching to see if it moved. I was scared.