While at Sunday School

Insane!

Shh I didn't edit this, go away.
you, i mean "that person" exposed the truth about her

a true classic

i wonder why other people dont take the time to read this.
this also is an exposure of other people in the classical world we know as "reality."
 

Ninva

Анна Ахматова
you, i mean "that person" exposed the truth about her

a true classic

i wonder why other people dont take the time to read this.
this also is an exposure of other people in the classical world we know as "reality."
Sometimes I wish I could read sarcasm on the internet, but I can't.

I think a lot of people read this, but not too many people enjoyed it.
 

King TonGoll

ORLY?*DDR*
i hate teachers like that, thankfully im a atheist so my parants hate me too much to bother with sunday school. lol
 

Fatmankev

Chef, Writer, and Midnight Toker
I think your story is well-written. Something about it grabbed me, and compelled me to read on, and it was certainly an interesting little story with a nice moral behind it. I think you'd be wise to alter the ending slightly, specifically when the fat woman asks, “Oh right-right. Would you like to ask me anything else before church begins?” This made me think that she was about to go to church, which made the ending much more confusing. I think if you clarified it, even just a little bit more, then it would have been an even more satisfying read.
 

Halahan

To die will be an awfully big adventure.
yeah, change intercourse to sex and as I completely agree with Fatmankev (“Oh right-right. Would you like to ask me anything else before church begins?” This made me think that she was about to go to church, which made the ending much more confusing. I think if you clarified it, even just a little bit more, then it would have been an even more satisfying read.)
 

Ninva

Анна Ахматова
I think your story is well-written. Something about it grabbed me, and compelled me to read on, and it was certainly an interesting little story with a nice moral behind it. I think you'd be wise to alter the ending slightly, specifically when the fat woman asks, “Oh right-right. Would you like to ask me anything else before church begins?” This made me think that she was about to go to church, which made the ending much more confusing. I think if you clarified it, even just a little bit more, then it would have been an even more satisfying read.
Ah, alright. I will see what I can do. Thanks for the critique. :)

*change intercourse to sex

I think the reporter would use the world intercourse instead of sex. Plus, the word sex sounds immature to me. The reporter wasn't immature in this story... or at least I didn't see the reporter as an immature young man.
 

Halahan

To die will be an awfully big adventure.
I think he would try to be casual... well... we don't know the characters the best so it's your call ;)
 

Pineapple

Just Smile.
"hey... are you talking about intercourse?"

It sounds stupid. Sex isn't an immature word. it just like you wouldn't say things like "Would you like some hydrogen-two-Oxide?" it is lameness in a can.
 

Ninva

Анна Ахматова
"hey... are you talking about intercourse?"

It sounds stupid. Sex isn't an immature word. it just like you wouldn't say things like "Would you like some hydrogen-two-Oxide?" it is lameness in a can.
Just because you're so cultured to the word sex and its wonders doesn't mean other people use that word all over the country. Also, that last quote made me laugh, and if I have the chance, I'll put it in one of my stories.
 

Fatmankev

Chef, Writer, and Midnight Toker
For the record, when I read your story and the part about "intercourse," I sat back and thought about it for a moment before deciding that it really didn't sound too bad in that instance. Ninva, go ahead and keep it, and to Hell with the rest of them!
 

Pineapple

Just Smile.
Just because you're so cultured to the word sex and its wonders doesn't mean other people use that word all over the country. Also, that last quote made me laugh, and if I have the chance, I'll put it in one of my stories.
and just becuase you think the word sex is so dirty and wrong doesn't mean you are right. Unless they are doing sometihng scientific, or trying to joke round a little, most people would find the use of the word intercourse wierd and missplaced.

you wouldn't see someone on the news saying "They were caught having intercourse" its "They were caught having sex"

its not "Welcome to Intercourse Ed." its "Welcome to Sex Ed."
 

thewrongvine

The Evolved Panda Commandant
Staff member
lol tat was funny, i like the end when she just turns pale and you're like "uh huh" and you walk away. good job
 

thewrongvine

The Evolved Panda Commandant
Staff member
no, see the woman is like bragging about her faith and how she always goes to church everyday and stuff, but there behind her are kids doing like "bad" things and she says she goes everyday but she's not there today. Something like tat. Am i close?

EDIT 1: Sunday School is in church, its a branch of it, the school for church.
 
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