W
Worldofchaos
Guest
I recall that about a half-dozen of his chapters comprised one page, at the most.
Oh I see...lol well its not the chapter size that matters, its the story right?
I recall that about a half-dozen of his chapters comprised one page, at the most.
Not bad, but it needs more detail.
Great. Much better then first chapter. Still grammer and spelling, its 'be patient' not 'be patience;.
Great. Much better then first chapter. Still grammer and spelling, its 'be patient' not 'be patience;.
Good story. The apocalyptic setting seems to work for this than a lot of other stories, which is good.
The grammar mistakes are very hard to swallow when there's a large abundance of them. Also, if you're not Japanese and this isn't a Japanese story, I wouldn't name the characters Japanese names. Many seem way too off-the-wall and some are unpronounceable.
Also, like Curuinor pointed out, you have a lot of inconsistent formalities and many of the sentences are run-ons.
Besides those few things, I like the story. Seems to be coming along well.