Writer's Challenge (Classic)

[Miz]

You should put the numbers in order so it's easier for us.

Yay, 19 reserved for me suckas!
Working on mine...

~Hai-Bye-Vine~

I fixed the List, and I am trying to review two people's submissions xD
and the Charts are Updated/Online once again (with a disclaimer now, that they aren't always updated as fast)

 

[Miz]

Here is my entry, and I have to say, I feel like my subject was tough.

Spoiler

The world will be different. The world will be better! My brothers, my sisters! This is the day we have become ourselves, the day we have become our own people. Today, this day I shall stand up as your leader! With my unwavering diligence, I will pave the way for a new world order. Stand up my people and rejoice in our victory over Batista!

There was much cheering, everyone was happy that the days of Batista and his dictatorship was finally over.

The words of Castro still ring in my ears, they still rebound on the walls of my skull, and while I want to believe everything is better now, I just can't deny the state of things.

There was a labor strike that began. People were not getting paid, and they were getting angry. But Castro showed them that they were wrong. He showed them the same way he showed Batista and the previous dictatorship. The greater good. The commonwealth. Where is this greater good he speaks of? My family, they tell me to be quiet, they say I should know my place, and that it is under Castro, and that he is now our leader. But what leader lies to his people? What leader says great things, but then lavishes in the hard work of those he stands on? We are not his followers, and he is not our leader. We are slaves and he is the master.

The shots rang out and the strikers were all finished. It would be a long time before anyone tried this again. This is the same as always, Batista would also have showed them no mercy.

There stands a man on the corner of a street, he stands up and yells to the buildings, to the people, to everyone who may hear, that Castro is a demon and there is no new world order. That we have all been deceived, that if we ever want peace, that we would need another revolution. Another revolution with someone worthy of the title leader. When asked who, the man simply became quiet and said perhaps himself. But it could not be him because he is dead now.

There is one place that does not accept Castro's rule, one place here that I like to go. A club, where we talk about how things would be better, how things should be. Down here, past this abandoned apartment building, into the alley, down the stairs and into this door that leads into a room under a restaurant. A condemned restaurant. But now one knows about it. That's what is good. We call it a club because it feels American.

"You know the Americans, they aren't so bad. They live the way we should be living." One of the members says.

"Yes, fast cars and beautiful women, that's how I want to live. Or at the very least have a good job." Another says.

"My uncle went to America. I have not heard from him, but I suppose it's hard eh? I wonder how well he is doing, I wonder if he has a beautiful wife and eats cheeseburgers. It doesn't sound so bad, not compared to this."

"Well I won't leave. I will never leave. This is my home." One member says.

"And who invited you here? This is not a place for you, you are the kind of person who enjoys Castro. Before the revolution, things were not so different. But you can believe whatever he tells you I guess."

These arguments happen a lot.

The door burst open and four men walked in carrying guns. There was no chance, Castro had spoken. And that is his story.

It was a good place.

I liked it, I wasn't exactly sure what country this was in, or if you made up the country. But you got to the Government corruption aspects of your story and made it into a political argument. So kudos to you
I give it a 4.5/5

Your story and Author profile will be up soon :thup:

Spoiler

Now, normal adult people usually don’t collect toys of destruction, nor would you expect them to keep these dangerous devices in places that a child like me could easily get to, but my dad was different. He displayed a nice exhibit of old Japanese artifacts such as katanas and – according to my mom - other metallic junk. But there was a strange weapon dad was very fanatic about. He loved his ninja throwing star.

Yeah, it’s a bit silly – I know. Yet my dad loved his throwing star. The item just seemed rather valuable to him. Priceless. That’s the word I’m looking for… Dad’s fixation wasn’t spontaneous. No. He was, is, and will ever be a smart man. He had his reasons; reasons I didn’t put into consideration when I threw that chunk of metal out the window.

This may be rather confusing to you. You may wonder why I, a young man, would throw such a precious hunk of metallic wedges. Well, I’ll tell you bluntly. I was a teenager, and I was a rock star. But my rebellious triumph ended short. No, my dad didn’t witness my rash behavior, nor did mom. Actually, I killed my best friend Megan. Yep. The flying blade soared in the unjust wind into the neck of the probable love of my life.

Of course I didn’t realize this until I stopped my ridiculously childish tantrum. Only when I went outside expecting to spend an hour feebly looking for my father’s prized possession, I saw the mess that I miserably made. She was laying on her back in a violent mass of blood and twisted body parts. There I wept bitterly. And while I sobbed a ghost appeared behind me. I’m sure you know who it was.

“Bill,” Megan said.

“Mom?!” I cried. At the time I was rather startled, so I regressed. For then I was merely a boy who felt all grown up.

“No, silly! It’s me Megan. Can’t you see?”

I could see now, but only barely. My vision was blurred from the tears.

“Megan?” I replied.

“Yes, it is she!”

She said that a lot. I loved that.

“Oh God, lay down! You’re bleeding!”

I didn’t see Megan clearly enough. She wasn’t bleeding at the time, nor was her physical body awake. Megan was a spirit now.

“Billy, I’m fine.”

“No, you’re not! Come inside!” I begged her.

She smiled at me. I could see her face wrinkle up in a cute little grimace. Never in all the world have I experienced such a feeling of sheer helplessness and woe. Every nerve in my body and every thought in my brain told me frown and be concerned, but I couldn’t stop. I laughed.

And that’s where my parents found me. In a heap of giggles. Beside me was poor Megan who looked as pale and emotionless as ever. My good parents did the responsible thing. They got up and called the police and watched me from inside.

Once the police came, I was bond up and taken away. It was as easy as that. I never talked to Megan again. Her ghost would look for me from the outside of the cell window. I think she’s afraid of the prison building. I tried to communicate with her once, but nothing came from it.

I’m now considered mentally insane. They locked me away with other rejects. We never enjoy our company. Life goes on.

Now, you may wonder how I’d conclude this story. Well, my conclusion was the last paragraph. Yes, I’m a sadist. It’s just how life is.

That was fun. I wanna do another! Give me 1 please.

Wow, your story. I thought it would be a parody with your challenge. But you made it into almost a sad story (for me anyway.) I loved it, and as usual I found ti to be perfection on the the highest degree. 5/5

It will be add to your profile soon

 

[DogOfHavoc]

10? And come on now, Genkora's story is obviously in Cuba. It says Castro, as in Fidel Castro the Cuban Dictator.

 

[Miz]

10? And come on now, Genkora's story is obviously in Cuba. It says Castro, as in Fidel Castro the Cuban Dictator.

Oh duh, I am in model United Nations and I completely missed that. I was thinking in Europe for some reason Oo
Well then here is your challenge, I hope you enjoy yourself

10. The story takes place at midnight exactly. The story must involve a bow in it. During the story, a character loses a job.

 

[Ninva]

I like Genkora's stuff.

 

[thewrongvine]

When is this due? lol, sounds like a HW assignment. Because I can't do it tonight... I g2g soon...

~Hai-Bye-Vine~

 

[Knight7770]

Within two weeks, according to Miz. Or, at least he said:

[20:06] <Miz> if you take more then 2 wekks
[20:06] <Miz> your removed from the chart

 

[Miz]

Within two weeks, according to Miz. Or, at least he said:

Well two to three weeks, it really depends if you don't tell us what your doing. If that does happen, you are removed from the challenge (you can always pick another one) and that challenge becomes open for anyone else to try.

My Entry

4. The story must have a lost soul at the beginning. The story must involve a shield in some part of the story. A character will go clothes shopping, but the action turns into something else.

I wanted to go with a Futuristic seen, and believe it or not, I did hit all the targeted elements, but not exactly in the way you would think. If you pay attention closely, I did get all of the elements needed. Just in my own way, and you can also do it this way. So rate as you please

Spoiler

The Phantom of a Future​

The city was dark, besides the empty street that was only preserved by the street lights. Resembling angels that sat tall in the sky, their light reflecting with the rain formed almost a halo around the tops of their supports, but here there were no angels. I remember is so clearly, even though it has been so long ago. The year was 2021, and a plague had ripped its way through my hometown. I, a lonely teenager rolled through the streets, where no cars drove, no people laughed, and no children played.

Most buildings, just frames of rusted metal and destroyed wood sat unaided and abandoned. That was a common case around here, but one building still stood, a small store. Its bricks navy blue and graffiti lined edges. Reminded me of a place I once knew, but sadly, this was no home here. Much like anything else in this city, it just eroding away with the rain. It was one of the ‘lasts of its kind’ type things, a general store, a store for anyone’s needs whether that be clothing, food, or weapons. I came to this place as a life line; but sadly this place didn’t exactly welcome me, anymore at least.

Slowly creaking the door open, I entered in, concealing my pistol under my tattered shirt. As I tried not to drip water on the floor, as the rain water seeped from my soaked jeans. I looked around to find that there were less of ‘them’ in this tiny store then before; out of the three desperate souls, sat only one. A shell of his former self, a phantom, his skin, wrinkled, and hairs was white made me assume he could possibly be in his late fifties, and he sat on the ground lifeless and motionless, breathing only once every few seconds. Lying on the ground he was ‘far away’, as a virtual helmet rested on his head, and pills lied scattered across the ground. I used to like this place, it was once a safe haven for me in my childhood days but now it was just a place for a lonely old man who sat alone and reeked of decaying flesh.

I walked up to the old man, he did not respond. He couldn’t even sense that I was there. He was a mere ‘plug in’ who had forgotten his former life due to possible depression or addiction. Picking up the large box that lied next to him, I felt it’s white painted exterior, and read the labels out loud to myself:
“The Shield 2012 – Virtual Gaming of the Future,” I paused for a moment and said one thing to the man. “2012, has it really been that long?”

I never spoke again to that man; once he plugged himself in, he was forever dead to me. Yet somehow I managed to still cry in this anger, and bending down. I felt his old wrinkled skin, and could almost hear his pulse beating once again. I always wanted to apologize to this old man, he was family to me but I decided to take one final decision. Feeling the cold exterior of my gun, I pressed it against his head and took one final blow and it echoed throughout the town. I remember, I being Twelve, the sky dark and sorrowful, and it was that day that I had killed my own grandfather…

 

[Ninva]

For future reference please hit enter two times before writing a new paragraph (you too Knight).

 

[Knight7770]

I had indented for each paragraph in Word...stupid copy and paste.

 

[Miz]

For future reference please hit enter two times before writing a new paragraph (you too Knight).

I had indented for each paragraph in Word...stupid copy and paste.

Same, but I tried to fix that in my story on the forum, so hopefully it's better now

 

[DM Cross]

vBulletin does not indent. There are tags for it, but it doesn't work the way you want it to. It'll indent the WHOLE paragraph... Trust me, it's best to double space your paragraphs.

 

[thewrongvine]

lol, The Shield 2012, clever way to put that in.

Okay, I probably will finish mine in one or two days since I have to go to a lotta places today.

~Hai-Bye-Vine~

 

[Miz]

vBulletin does not indent. There are tags for it, but it doesn't work the way you want it to. It'll indent the WHOLE paragraph... Trust me, it's best to double space your paragraphs.

Its weird but also useful, I use it many times (such as the 1st post of this thread.)

lol, The Shield 2012, clever way to put that in.

Okay, I probably will finish mine in one or two days since I have to go to a lotta places today.

~Hai-Bye-Vine~

No problem, take your time
I will be expecting a good story, thanks vine

 

[duyen]

@Anman, I mean duyen, , I'll pick for you then? 15 for the birthday-boy!

@Geoff, dude, your topic owns! A gerbil! :thup:

@Myself, okay, mine is okay I guess, okay, let's get this started, okay? Okay.



~Hai-Bye-Vine~

You had to give me the hardest assignment imo?

 

[Genkora]

I like Genkora's stuff.

Thanks bro. I had fun with this, can I have another? 2 maybe?

 

[Miz]

Thanks bro. I had fun with this, can I have another? 2 maybe?

As you wish!

2. During the story, there is a fight. The story must involve a boat in it. During the story, a character lies about his/her skills.

 

[BANANAMAN]

mine turned out to be harder than i expected.

 

[monoVertex]

Give me number 2.

 

[BANANAMAN]

Give me number 2.

Ya snooze ya loose Genkora already has it.