Yo Mama Jokes

1

1337D00D

Guest
Yo mama's like a doorknob - Everyone gets a turn.

Yo mama's like a hardware store - 10 cents per screw.
 

w/e

Boaroceraptorasaurus-Rex
Reaction score
274
Yo Mammas So Ugly…

she put the Boogie man outta business.
in September, folk say, "Damn it, can't believe it's Halloween already..."
when she applied for the ugly contest they told her 'NO Professionals'
she looked out her window and was arrested for indecent exposure!
minutes after she was born her Mother shouted "What a treasure!" and her Poppa said "Yes, now let's go and bury her..."
they push her face into the dough mixture when making Monster cookies.
when they took her to the Beautician it took 10 hours....and that was just for the quote!
her Daddy takes her to work each day so he doesn’t have to kiss her goodbye...
she put Marilyn Manson out of business.
she was a guard at Snake Mountain
they knew what time she was born cuz her face stopped the clock...
they embalmed her face on a box of super-strength laxatives and sold it empty!
she gets 364 extra days just to dress up for Halloween.
your papa throws the ugly stick and she goes fetches it every time.
we had to tie a steak round her neck so the dogs would play with her.
people at the Zoo pay cash so they DON't have to see her...
her mom had to be Pissed drunk just to breast feed her.
when born, the doctors had to fit her incubator with tinted windows.
hotel managers use her picture to keep away the Rats.
instead of round the ankles, they put the Bungee Jumping cord round her neck.
she fell out of the Ugly Tree, hitting every branch on the way down.
when she walked into the Haunted House, she came back out with a Job Application!
even Slicky Willy Clinton refused to sleep with her...
when she was born the Doc smacked her face.
she turned Medusa into Stone.
they filmed Gorillas in the Mist in her shower.
George Lucas cast her in Star Wars 3 as Jabbas wife - without the need for a costume.
they put her in the Chimp enclosure to stop the Chimpanzee's from jerking off!

Yo Mammas So Stupid…

she stole Free Loafs from the Bakers.
I told her drinks were on the house...so she went and got a ladder...
she makes Homer Simpson look like a Nobel Prize winner
she took the Pepsi challenge and chose Cif.
she noticed a sign reading 'Wet Floor'...so she just did!
it takes her two hours to watch 60 Minutes.
when you were born, she looked at your umbilical cord and said, "Wow, it comes with cable too!"
she asked for a refund on a jigsaw puzzle complaining it was broken.
she got locked in the Quickie Mart and nearly starved to death.
she sold her Car for Petrol cash!
she reckoned a Quarterback was a refund...
she once attempted to commit suicide by jumping off a curb.
she cooks Indian curry with Old Spice.
she took a job cutting grass on an Oil Rig.
when I asked her Are You Single? - she said, no 'I is Double jointed'
I found her peaking over a glass wall to see what was on the other side.
it took her 2 days to make Microwaveable Pot Noodles.
she invented a silent car alarm.
she really thought the cinema was selling Free Willies...
she watches The Three Stooges and takes notes.
she was born on Easter and can't remember her birthday.
she thought Morning Dew was a New York radio station.
she somehow got fired from a Blow-Job
she thought Hot Meals were stolen food.
she asks me what Jeans I wear. I said 'Guess' and she said - 'Wrangler???'
when I asked her to purchase me a Colour TV she asked me...'Which colour?'

Yo Mammas So Fat…

when she step on the Weight Scales it says...'to be continued'...
she once went on a seafood diet...whenever she saw food she ate it!
folk exercise by jogging around her!
when she bends over, we enter Daylight Saving Time.
she sat on a Nintendo Gamecube and it turned into a gameboy
NASA plans to use her to shore up the hole in the Ozone layer
she was measured at 38-26-36 and that was just the left arm...
when she went to the Zoo, Elephants began throwing peanuts at her.
small objects orbit her.
she makes olympic sumo wrestlers look anerixic.
when I tell her to haul ass, she gotta make two trips.
when she farted she launched herself into orbit.
she lost a game at Hide & Seek only because I spotted her...behind Mount Everest.
when I had to swerve to avoid hitting her on the road I ran out of gas!
she could be the eighth continent.
she nearly put Safeway out of business
the only thing that's attracted to her is gravity.
when she auditioned for a part in Raiders of the Lost Ark she got the part of the big Rolling Ball.
her favorite food is seconds.
her belt size is Equator.
she eats Desert out of a Trash Can lid
when she wears an 'X' on her jacket, Copters attempt to land on her
she shows up on radar.
she needs a map to find her butt.
she fell into the Grand Canyon....and got stuck!
she wears an asteroid belt.
her Passport photo says 'Picture is continued overleaf'
she has TB ... 2 bellies.
she's once, twice, three times a lady.
the circus use her as a trampoline
stunt agencies use her as an air mattress
when she opens the Fridge it says - 'I give up...'
she got a new gig at the Cinema...she works as the screen
she once told me 'I could eat a horse'...believe me, she wasn't kidding!
she deep fries her toothpaste.

Yo Mammas So Poor…

that your family ate Cornflakes with a fork to save milk.
they put her photo on food stamps.
when I visited her trailer, 2 cockroaches tripped me and a Rat tried to steal my wallet.
she waves an ice lolly around and calls it Air conditioning.
burglars break into her home and leave money.
when I told her about the last supper she thought the food stamps had run out.
the building society repossed her cardboard box.
she watches television on an Etch-A-Sketch.
each night she goes to KFC to lick other folk's fingers
she can't even afford to go to the free clinic.
when I saw her kicking a can down the road I asked her what she was doing, she said 'Moving'
when I rang her doorbell, SHE said 'Ding-Dong'
I asked her where the 'facilities were' and she replied - "Pick a corner...ANY corner..."
I visited her house, tore down the cob webs and she screamed - "Who's tearing down the drapes!!!!"
I walked into her home, asked if I could use her toilet, and she said "Sure thing, it's the 4th tree on your right..."
only time she smelled Hot Food was when a rich bloke farted...
when I saw her wobbling down the street with 1 shoe, I hollered - "Lost a shoe?", and she said - "Nope...just found one..."
she hangs the Toilet paper out to dry.
she had to take out a second mortgage on her cardboard box.
I once threw a stone at a garbage can, and out she popped saying - "Who knocked???"
I went through her front door and tripped over the back fence.
she does drive by shootings on the school bus.
when she asked me over to dinner I took a paper plate from the kitchen and she screamed - "Don't use the good china"

Your Mammas So Old…

she left her purse on Noah's Ark.
Jurassic Park brought back memories...
when she first ran the 100 metre dash, they timed her with a sundial.
she still owes Moses a dollar.
when she was at school...there was No history class!
she's got the first autographed Koran.
she co-wrote the 4th Commandment.
when I asked for her ID she handed me a rock
she recalls when the Grand Canyon was a ditch.
the fire department are on standby when you light her birthday cake
when she gave birth, You came out with Dentures.
she sat in front of Jesus in 1st grade
her first job was as Cain and Abel's baby-sitter.
her birthday expired.
when Moses parted the Red Sea, he found your momma fishing on the other side!
she got the first copy of the Ten Commandments.
She had cybersex with Bill Gates when he was in pre-K
her social security number is 000-000-001
she's got Adam and Eve's autograph
she was told to act her own age...and she died.
she's got Roman Numerals on her birth certificate

Yo Mammas So Smelly…

the government make her wear a Biohazard warning
she made Right Guard call for backup.
an old blind geezer walking by asked her 'yo, how much for the shrimp platter?'
that when she spread her legs, I got seasick...
she wiz playin in my Sand Box and the cat came along and buried her.
her crap is glad to escape.
that the only dis I'm gonna give her is Disinfectent...
that when you was being born, the doctor's and nurses all had to wear oxygen masks...
even sewer rats get out of her way...
that farmers use her bathwater as liquid fertilizer...
she has to creep up on the bath water.
that even the Swamp Thing insisted she showered.
that Saddam Hussain tried to import her bath water to use as chemical weapons.
 

mase

____ ___ ____ __
Reaction score
154
Wow, w/e
What site did you get those from ;)
 
M

Makaze

Guest
Yo mamma so fat...
when she jumped for joy she got stuck.
When she fell in love, it broke.
her cereal bowl comes with a lifeguard.
when she walked past the window, there was a 5 minute eclipse.
she comes from both sides of the family.
when I walked around her twice, I got lost.
elephants throw peanuts at her
when she went diving, all the whales sang "We are family!"

Yo mamma so ugly...
the doctor spanked the wrong butt
when she was looking out of the window,she was arrested for mooning
when her head caught fire they put it out with fire tongs
her pillow cries at night
when she was born her mother said "What a treasure." and her father said " Yea lets bury her!"

Yo mamma so stupid...
she uses a ruler to measure how long she slept
she got kicked out of the banana factory cause she threw away all the bent ones
she got kicked out of the MnM comapny cause she threw away all the ones with W
she sits on the TV and watches the sofa
when she was told she was pregnant, she said "Are you sure its mine?"
she uses a solar powered torch
she tripped over a cordless phone.
when she went to the airport the sign read "Airport Left" and she went home
she got stabbed in a shootout
she put lipstick on her forehead to makeup her mind
she told me to meet her at the corner of 'Walk" and "Don't Walk"
she tried to put MnMs in alphabetical order
She tried to drown a fish
she thought a quaterback was a refund
if I gave her a penny for intelligence, I get change back
if she spoke her mind, she becomes speechless
they had to burn down the school to get her out of third grade
at the bottom of an application form where it says 'sign here' she put 'Sagattarius
she asked for a price docket at the dollar store
she studied for blood test....and failed
she thought Boyz II Men was a daycare centre
under 'education' on her job application she put "Hooked on Phonics"
She thought meow mix was a record company for cats
she thought she needed money to get on the Soul train
she sold her car for gas money
when she saw the sign NC-16 (under 16 not admitted),she went home and got 15 friends
when she heard that 90% of all crimes happen at home, she moved
she thinks Taco Bell is the place where you pay your phone bills
When she missed Bus 44, she took Bus 22 twice.
 

mase

____ ___ ____ __
Reaction score
154
Some of these were already posted by w/e lol
The other ones like:
when she walked past the window, there was a 5 minute eclipse.
when she went diving, all the whales sang "We are family!"

were funny
 

zoll3

New Member
Reaction score
16
Yo mamma is so dumb , that it takes her 2 hours to watch "60 minutes"

Yo mamma is so fat , she have rewarded a star in the american flag .

Yo mamma is so stupid , that she got hit by a parked car.

Yo mamma is so fat , that when she need a shower , shee need a whole carwash.

Yo mamma is so ugly , that she even scared blind people away.

Yo mamma is so fat , that her BLOOD-TYPE is Nutella

Yo mamma is so fat , that she can take her belt on with a boomerang.

Yo mamma is so fat , that when she walks out in the rain with a yellow coat on , the people take their bus-card up of their pocket..

Yo mamma is so fat , that you pay her to take her clothes ON in a stripbar

Yo mamma is so fat , that she can sell shade in the dessert.

Yo mamma is so stupid , that if you tell her to buy a colour-TV , she asks WHAT COLOUR

Yo mamma is so old , that she got driver license on a dinosaur !

Yo mamma is so fat , that she could kick start a spaceship !

Yo mamma is so stupid , that she sold her car to get enough money to gas !

Yo mamma is so stupid , that she tries to drown a fish

Yo mamma is so fat , that when she jumps in the water , people shouts:
TSUNAMI!

Yo mamma is so fat , that she need to take her pants off to get hands in pocket !

Yo mamma is so ugly , that she can get a "Lazy-boy" running ..
 
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