De'm Porch Pickins' Plenties [Rude Language Inside]

EatShrooms

EatShrooms

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Georgia Cracker: Hello'em thar Bob, lookr's like we'ves gots sam land out hurr
Bob the Sex Toy: Why yessum Georgia, what ye say we does wit de lands?
Georgia Cracker: Wall I say is we done get up some cotton n corn out yonder
Bob the Sex Toy: Dat be mighty good tinkin durr Georgia, wat ye say we laredo?
Georgia Cracker: Yippie!
Bob the Sex Toy: Dont ye get too excited youngin we goin hav'ta otta whork ourt hurr
Georgia Cracker: Yessum suh....
Bob the Sex Toy: Wel I'll go take a nap din wile ye does de crops n bs
Georgia Cracker: Gollie gee wiz lazy old man Bob dun do nutin fur sheet
Georgia Cracker: Well hullo durr strungir, you b trespassinering on de popertee o' orrs
Vietnam War Vet Thunder Cutter: Oh don't worry about it kid, I'm just crossing through to my old aunt's ranch
Georgia Cracker: Urraight din misder, ye be carful din cas I gots uh old man dat be nappy un shot you dead
Vietnam War Vet Thunder Cutter: Okay
Bob the Sex Toy: GEORGIA RUN! DUR BE TRESPASSERINGS ON DE LANDS!
Georgia Cracker: Is urraight din Bob! He jus--
Narrator - Bob shoots the Vietnam War Vet -
Vietnam War Vet Thunder Cutter: Oh son of a bitch! Your old man shot me kid!
Georgia Cracker: Oh no! Is mighty sorry misder
Vietnam War Vet Thunder Cutter: Well god damn, there ain't a hospital for miles
Bob the Sex Toy: Ahkay we cun try'un fix yuh ourselfs, wat say you Georgia?
Georgia Cracker: Yay! lets does it!
Vietnam War Vet Thunder Cutter: No ya'll get away from me!
Bob the Sex Toy: muybuh sam dynermight 'n leeter floo'uds coul'duh fixer'im up Georgia?
Georgia Cracker: Yessum! It wuld!
Policemen: What's goin on out' hur people?
Bob the Sex Toy: Nuttin much off'e'sirs, we jus halpin dis man we shot
Vietnam War Vet Thunder Cutter: No you aren't! They're aiming to kill me officer!
Policemen: De castle'em lauls dun say ye can shoot un innocent. Dis be tru misders Bob wat de man jus saids?
Bob the Sex Toy: Nuh it ain't dammut! He buh a dorn liar!
Policemen: Ye allwus bs'in us Bob we's no's yuh's up's'ta no good with yur Cracker boy. Ye two ar some Pie'roes.
Bob the Sex Toy: PIE'ROES? What de hell ar de pie'roes?
Policemen: Bob de ignorunt is wat de shuld be callin ye. Pie'roe be somebaddy dat plays wit de fires, Py-ro
Policemen: Pyro ye ignorunt!
Bob the Sex Toy: Well ye be wrong offi'surs, we dun play wit de fie-errs out yonder
Policemen: BS Bob, you n de boy ar goin down to de police station
- To be continued -

Will be updated later.
 
N

Ninva

Анна Ахматова
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You tried too hard to make this humorous. I suggest you lower down on the crazy names and start cracking some good, sensible jokes inside your story.
 
EatShrooms

EatShrooms

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I thought I tried too little. That was the point, humor that was intended to go nowhere.
 
Fatmankev

Fatmankev

Chef, Writer, and Midnight Toker
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If the humor doesn't go anywhere then people get tired of it awful quick.

I like the idea, maybe try to use a little better english, just because there were a few points that I couldn't quite decipher. Um... definitely different, that's for sure, and although I'm really not interested in seeing more in this story, I think you could make a pretty entertaining little short story if you rewrote it and actually tried, instead of just getting bored one night and trying to write the most ridiculous thing you could.

Anywho, let's see what you do. 'Luck.
 
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